77 Savage Comebacks That Ended The Argument Immediately

1: "Everyone thinks you're a jerk."
2. "Well, you know what everyone thinks about you? Nothing. No one ever thinks about you. I know I don't".

I have read this historical meme where it went like this:

British person: you, French people, fight for only money. We, British, fight for honor.

French person: Well, people fight for what they need the most.

Not quite an insult, but I still think of this comeback to this day.

I have two little brothers and it was my dad's birthday so the semi-extended family were all at a resturant to celebrate. I had just graduated from my dad's alma mater, and my middle brother was currently a junior there. My youngest brother (a freshman), however, opted to go to state school.

At one point my uncle said, "So [youngest brother], how does your dad feel about you breaking the trend of [our last name] men going to [alma mater]?"

My little bro thought for a moment and then said, "Well, he probably doesn't mind considering I also broke the trend of not being able to get higher than a 3.0."

The table exploded and my other brother and I just stared at each other across the table like holy did we just get brutally insulted?

It's especially funny because my little bro was one of those shy high school kids who went off to college and came back fun and socially confident. I was hoping that development would happen, i just never expected it to stab me in the face.

I was in Paris with a couple of friends, and in the subway. I did not speak any French, only a little Spanish, but my friend was practically fluent. We were talking and joking in English, and these two French women were talking s**t about us in French, mostly about us being gross or dumb Americans. As we left the subway, my friend smiled and told them in perfect French

"We're going to go get cleaned up, too bad there's no shower for your personality!".

Alright so it goes like this!

I had a bully in high school who was tiny! Like under 5 foot! I was 6'3" at the time so he would always pick on me, throw stuff at my head, push me around, stuff like that. I never fought back cause I hate violence.

Anyway one day we were in a class together an the class went on lock down. It wasn't a drill but we were told the campus wasn't in danger. So jokingly I said

"I know why we're locked down! Maybe the zombie apocalypse started!"

The bully immediately replies,

"You d*****s zombies aren't real!"

I shot back,

"Yeah well we didn't think Hobbits were real but your standing here aren't you!"

He lunged at me and got in trouble.

From Casablanca.

Ugarte: You despise me, don't you?

Rick: If I ever gave you any thought I might.

I had a pretty fun one myself once from a few years ago.



I was at a friends place with a lot of people I didn't really know too well having a few beers. Suddenly this dude from across the table says to me, quite agressively, that my suspenders were ugly and that they made me look like I was trying too hard (which, to be fair, I was). Without skipping a beat I stood up, unclipped my suspenders and put them in my pocket. When I sat down I looked straight into his eyes and replied "Now lets talk about that face tattoo of yours...".

Lunch lady got me in front my whole class. Tuna fish was for lunch. I said " tuna fish I'd rather a poop sandwich! ". Without missing a beat this 80 year old lady fires back: "Wait right there I can make you one in the back". Needless to say I went with the tuna.

One from me: a kid in class was being quite homophobic about another boy who’d just came out ‘backs to the wall’ and such. I sighed and said ‘John, none of the girls in class fancy you....why would the boys?’.

During my University days, I ran into a friend/acquaintance of mine. And I was holding a Green Lantern Graphic Novel. My friend introduced me to his current girlfriend and THE FIRST THING she says to me while shaking my hand was "Aren't comic books for kids?". And I replied "Aren't those A Cups for kids?".

Honestly I was in so much shock that someone I just met would say that to me that I replied on instinct. Still my greatest comeback ever.

I heard this when I was in middle school:

Kid 1: Your d**k is the size of a Tic-Tac!

Kid 2: So is that why your mom’s breath is always minty?

I was sitting outside my daughter's dance class, working away on my laptop, realized I did something bad and said out loud: "I suck"

Old Asian grandma lady who I didn't think was paying any attention says, "37 d***s in a row?"

God I laughed like never before or since.

It's been told that former French President Jacques Chirac once made the following comeback, which is legendary in France.

Some dude yelled at him "Connard !" (it means "a*****e", roughly). And he answered: "Pleased to meet you, I'm Jacques Chirac".

Not really an insult ...
My boss and I were trimming bird nails/wings. I reach for the nail clipper and they wouldn't open . I grabbed the scissors and they fell apart. Finally the register froze when I entered my password to charge the customer.
My boss says "D**n girl, just k*****g everything you touch today ,huh? "
I looked at him, smiled , and touched him smack on the forehead. "Boop!"
The customer watching laughed so hard my boss got spooked and lost his grip on the bird .

The annoying kid of the grade had a spray bottle and kept on spraying it on people even though they asked him to stop, and some girl walked to him and it went something like this:
"Dude, can you stop?"
"Nah."
"Aw, is it the only way you can make a girl wet?".

I saw on another thread a long time ago; busy restaurant in LA that had a lot of people waiting to be seated, some has-been celebrity played the “don’t you know who I am?” card with the host, who promptly responded “Honey, I don’t know who you are, I know who you used to be...”.

“Are you dumb?”
“Why? Are you starting a club?”.

"Does your butt ever get jealous of the stuff that comes outta your mouth?"

Someone once told me I look like the kind of guy who pisses sitting down.

I said he looks like the kind of guy who s***s standing up.

‘Go f yourself.’

“Do me yourself you coward”.