153 Grandma Jokes Even Your Granny Would Find Lovely

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. “You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301.

There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right.

Get in and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I’m on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.”

“Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?” “What… You’re coming empty handed?”

I would prefer to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandma, not screaming in terror like her passengers.

What is the similarity between a grandmother and a website?

You can't deny the cookies.

I asked my grandpa: "After 65 years you still call grandma darling, beautiful and honey. What's the secret?"

Grandpa: "I forgot her name 5 years ago and I'm scared to ask her."

Before our grandma died, her last words were, "Don't keep the funeral too early, I am not a mourning person."

My grandma loves Rihanna's song about forgetful grans. She always sings along and says, "Oh Nana, what's my name?"

"What did grandma and grandpa do before there was the Internet? I mean, didn't they get bored?", I asked my 32 uncles and aunts, but they didn't know either.

Every time my grandma sees me at weddings, she always walks up to me and say, “You are next”. I have decided to tell her the same thing but at funerals.

So I asked my grandma where the office is located to take my grandpa for his Alzheimer’s appointment. She forgot. Guess the appointments for 2 now.

My grandma’s bedtime is three hours after she falls asleep on the couch.

My grandmother asked me about my long-distance relationship. I told her, so far, so good.

A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. “Oh,” he said, “She lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we’re done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.”

Grandma, how old are you? "A woman never reveals her age", she replied to her young grandson.
He said "Alright, just give me the first digit" "Six" she said. "And the second?" Grandma sighed. "Seven." "And the third?"

What did the grandma say when her grandson asked a question about gravity?

It is a pretty attractive field.

"What is it called when your grandma becomes an irritating facebook woman?"

"Sharon is Karen"

I asked my grandma is she had any jokes. She responded that she had six of them, pointing at her six children.

My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker. So I told her to roll them tighter.

Shout-out to my grandma. Because that's the only way she can hear me.

I asked my grandmother how she’s enjoying her new stairlift.

She said, “It’s driving me up the wall.”

My grandma was talking about the good old days and said, “In my day we could leave the door unlocked and not worry about it!” and, We grew up with nothing but we were happy”

I replied, “Well Grandma, I hate to break it to you, but you grew up with nothing because you kept leaving the door unlocked!”