Doctors Are Sharing Their Stupidest And Funniest Patient Stories, And It’s Hilarious

My fiance is an X-ray tech. He gets weird cases all the time. He had to do a head CT on someone who came into the ER because she took two marijuana tablets and wondered why her head was foggy and she felt slow moving... Face palm.

Not a doctor but my dad is an opthamologist (eye doctor). He once told me that one of his patients came in utterly confused why the "medicine in his glasses no work anymore."

My friend is a student doctor and is on placement at a small town doctor's office. She had a 70-ish year old woman come in with complaints of a small but painless growth that was visible at the back of her throat.
Turns out it took her 70 years to notice her uvula.

A male patient inyected kitchen oil into his own cheeks because he saw a plastic surgery tv show where a surgeon inyected something similar to a model, then he was amazed that the bumps of the oil didnt go away and were turning red and painful af.

Ran to the dermatologist because of a spot on my butt that I thought might be cancerous. Doc looked me in the eye and said "Phil330, that's a pimple".

I was reaching around in someone's sheets for a lost tube of blood and accidentally grabbed his (erect?!) penis in the process. It was unfortunate.

One of my 5 patients tonight keeps yelling maybe once every 2 minutes, going "OWWWWWW!!!" as if she's looking at a handsome man. I've asked her several times why she's yelling (waiting to see if she's in any pain) and her answers range from "I didn't know I was yelling," to "It's a habit."

Was translating at a medical clinic once. A father brought in his 20-year old son convinced he had early signs of diabetes since his hair was greasy. After convincing thr doctor that's what he was actually there for, we told him to go take a shower and try different shampoo :( its sad how little some people know about diabetes

I'm a rural family doc doing locums and was working at a city family practice clinic when I saw this patient.
21 y/o female, not overweight, in no distress and appears quite well
Me: "so what brings you in today"
Pt: "I'm pretty sure I had a heart attack"
Me: "okay, tell me more about why you feel that. what does this pain feel like"
Pt: "like a heart attack"
Me: "oh I see. When did you last have a heart attack that this feels like"
Pt: "I haven't had one before. But I get this pain every time I have my period. And I've sent my mom to the ER twice with the same pain before so I know it's a heart attack"
She was a non smoker who had no comorbidities, very noncardiac sounding chest pain, no risk factors and her mother that was sent in to the ED, had an EKG, no bloodwork and sent home shortly after (though patient swears both episodes were heart attacks).

Radiographer here and had the ED doctor give me a request for soft tissue neck X-rays and the doctor was p much like "don't question it, just do it." Anyway after that patient had left the ED dr came and told me that the gentleman presented to ED at 3am because he had hot milk three days ago and his tongue has been hurting ever since. The patient basically burnt his tongue but was insisting on a X-ray to ensure nothing is wrong.

I popped a boner on the nurse prepping me for a vasectomy... in front of my wife. During the procedure the doc kept referring to my member as Mr. Happy and talking about how hot the nurse was. The nurse was still on the room btw.

Gynecologist here.
Imagine a revved up version of that dreadlocked beanie-wearing woman meme: "Uh, it's not vuh-JI-nah anymore, it's pronounced vaah-ZHEE-nah now."

Not a Doctor, but EMT.
Had a woman who was in active labor, despite insisting she couldn't be pregnant. She said her last period was "like ten months ago" so she'd gone through menopause.
She was 25.

Went about an anal problem. The doctor put his finger up to check all was ok, I made a slight noise and he asked if I was ok. And this is when I said "That's nice", instead of "That's ok".

I feel like our doctors should not assists those couples to have children.
If you can not figure out how sex works, dont raise children thx

I'm not a doctor, but I'm an ER nurse. I had a patient come in for an STD check. She was very upset and continued to tell me that she only had one partner. Progressing through my assessment she further divulged that even if he was sleeping with other people it shouldn't matter "because he uses a condom every time and he makes sure to wash it throughly after every use." I asked what she meant when she said he washes it after every use. She explained that he washed the condom with hot water and soap before he used said condom again...