Nobody would like to end up on the wrong side of the court hearing (or any side at all), because your life belongs solely to the decision of a judge and the work of your lawyer. But what if your lawyer is nothing like Saul Goodman and more like a babbling schoolgirl?
Despite the seriousness, courtroom drama, and everything that happens in it, this place also produces hilarious (unintentional) comedy. Charles M. Sevilla has compiled some of the funniest exchanges from justice halls between defendants and plaintiffs, lawyers and witnesses, juries and judges, and released a book of court records called “Disorder in the Court”.
From witnesses taking questions literally to lawyers formulating paradoxes instead of problems, these funny court cases really happened, and they’re just too good not to face the judgment of the internet. Scroll down to enjoy this priceless list of funny court transcripts, and vote for your favorite entries!
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#21
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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180points
#22
LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
WITNESS: The victim lived.
WITNESS: The victim lived.
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175points
#23
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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173points
#24
LAWYER: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
WITNESS: Yes.
LAWYER: And these stairs, did they go up also?
WITNESS: Yes.
LAWYER: And these stairs, did they go up also?
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171points
#25
LAWYER: Are you married?
WITNESS: No, I'm divorced.
LAWYER: And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
WITNESS: A lot of things I didn't know about.
WITNESS: No, I'm divorced.
LAWYER: And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
WITNESS: A lot of things I didn't know about.
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169points
#26
LAWYER: What is your brother-in-law's name?
WITNESS: Borofkin.
LAWYER: What's his first name?
WITNESS: I can't remember.
LAWYER: He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?
WITNESS: No. I tell you, I'm too excited. (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!
WITNESS: Borofkin.
LAWYER: What's his first name?
WITNESS: I can't remember.
LAWYER: He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?
WITNESS: No. I tell you, I'm too excited. (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!
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167points
#27
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
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158points
#29
LAWYER: Were you acquainted with the deceased?
WITNESS: Yes sir.
LAWYER: Before or after he died?
WITNESS: Yes sir.
LAWYER: Before or after he died?
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145points
#30
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
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143points
#31
LAWYER: Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
WITNESS: No.
LAWYER: What was he doing with the dog's ears?
WITNESS: Picking them up in the air.
LAWYER: Where was the dog at this time?
WITNESS: Attached to the ears.
WITNESS: No.
LAWYER: What was he doing with the dog's ears?
WITNESS: Picking them up in the air.
LAWYER: Where was the dog at this time?
WITNESS: Attached to the ears.
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127points
#33
LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.
LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.
LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
WITNESS: No.
WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.
LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.
LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
WITNESS: No.
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115points
#37
LAWYER: And what did he do then?
WITNESS: He came home, and next morning he was dead.
LAWYER: So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?
WITNESS: He came home, and next morning he was dead.
LAWYER: So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?
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108points
#38
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
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104points
#39
LAWYER: Could you see him from where you were standing?
WITNESS: I could see his head.
LAWYER: And where was his head?
WITNESS: Just above his shoulders.
WITNESS: I could see his head.
LAWYER: And where was his head?
WITNESS: Just above his shoulders.
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101points
#40
LAWYER: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question.
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85points