Stemen says by asking someone to repeat themself, you’re extending an opportunity to rethink and rephrase what they said.
“Often, they’ll realize there are a bunch of people around, and they don’t want to say it louder, because the shame is going to kick in,” she adds. “It deescalates the situation.”
Another therapist Jessica Good agrees that the best comeback to an insult is one that spurs the person to reflect. "What was you intention with that comments?" is what Good suggests you say...
This comeback is both effective and therapeutic, she says because “it makes them say the quiet part out loud.”
She recommends responding in a calm voice with a curious tone, adding that you should make eye contact to show that you're confident.
At best, she says, the person might pause and reflect on their statement. Or they might deny that they were intending to cause hurt or harm. Either way, they'll be aware that their behavior hasn't gone unnoticed, and that you're not afraid to call them out on it.
