57 Hilarious Things People Said Under Anesthesia That Had Doctors Holding Back Laughter

NAD but... I kept asking about puppies that I swear I heard barking. I just wanted to see the puppies and know why the puppies were there. I was so upset that no one else had heard puppies barking.

Had a dementia patient tell me her favourite food was mouse. I was very torn between laughing and crying.

I had a septoplasty a few weeks ago, woke up in recovery insisting I didn’t want the surgery anymore and to put it back how it was. Then when the nurse was pushing me in a wheelchair to the front door I got up 20 feet before the exit and started sprinting out of the building and halfway across the parking lot to the wrong vehicle. The whole time my dad was chasing after me. So for me it turns a 29 year old into a toddler. I’m so lucky I didn’t face plant or get hit by a car.

I gave a kid methoxyflurane after he broke his arm. When we got to the hospital he went into the paediatric section of the ED and there were stickers on the wall of sesame Street characters. He started talking about this unicorn on the wall (there wasn't one) and how it was trying to be friends with elmo but elmo didn't want to be friends with him. His mum and I had a chuckle and I had to pry the whistle out of his hands.

We sedated this older white lady to reduce a shoulder dislocation. I don't remember what it was, but the doctor said a couple words in Spanish, with the most gringo pronunciation imaginable. This woman was almost completely out, but her eyes shot open and she sharply corrected the doctor's pronunciation before passing out. We were all trying so hard to keep it together while we were working on her shoulder.

I did have one patient that wasn't under anesthesia, but *was* a bit confused. This poor lady had some absolutely rancid fecal squirts all over her bed. It was everywhere. I went in, doing my best to not succumb to the acrid burning in my nose and make her feel okay about it. But she sees the poo in her bed and her eyes go huge. Then she says "I KNEW that man pooped in my bed!" I asked her what she meant and she said "There was a man here earlier, and he pooped in my bed. I know it was him because I would never have done this." So I gently told her "No I'm the only man that's been in your room." So of course the conclusions she came to was not exactly what I expected from that. She then gets upset and asks "Well then why did you poo in my bed?"

I was really trying hard to calm her paranoia that there was someone coming in just to take a dump in her bed, under her blankets. But apparently I sent the wrong message. I was trying so hard not to laugh. I actually had to step out for a minute because I couldn't keep it together.

In the early days of my surgical training, there was a day that I was assigned to a colonoscopy list. Standard practice is to premedicate patients in the anaesthetic bay if required, particularly if they are a bit anxious about the procedure. I was clerking one of the patients in the anaesthetic bay, going through consent and the usual preop routine when I noticed that she was giving me these weird side-long glances and that her eyes would dart away everytime I tried to make eye contact with her. She was also extremely fidgety and was stammering a lot in her responses to my questions. I kind of shrugged it off as preoperative nervousness and let the anaesthetist do his business.

Fast forward 10 minutes and I'm standing behind her; she, curled up into the fetal position with her bum hanging out and I, colonoscope in hand. As the propofol starts rushing through her veins, she turns right around, grips my forearm and stares up at me with a dreamy look on her face and goes: "You know what, Doc? I bet you're good with the ladies."

A moment later she was asleep and I was checking her colon for polyps.

I didn't hear this directly but I was told about a guy that made a Futurama reference and told the doctor to tell his wife he said hello. Guy was single.

Young guys often wake up from anaesthesia a bit punchy.

Had a guy who fractured his mandible on holiday in SE Asia, didn’t get it seen to until a few weeks later when he came home, so fixation was more complicated than it could have been and took so long that we had to shuffle his pants down halfway through to put in a catheter.

so he woke up quite abruptly with his pants at half mast and his bladder feeling.. funny.. and was furious, swinging at everyone, shouting that he was in his own house, and he wanted to pull up his own pants and who were we to stop him??

This carried on for a full five minutes, with our very quiet ENT surgeon and anaesthetist sweetly trying to reassure him that everything was ok, calm down, you’re just waking up etc.. before I got sick of him, got up close and broke the spell with a big angry ‘MATE!!! WOULD YOU SHUT UP??’

It was like a switch flipped. His eyes opened and he was instantly alert, oriented and so apologetic!

I was the patient, waking up from an appendectomy. I grabbed the nurses hand and said ‘was it successful?’

She just kind of sighed. Probably the most basic operation there is, not exactly brain surgery.

I am a table.

When my brother was waking up after a surgery, my mother was there taking care of him but he couldn't stop laughing. When he was finally able to squeeze out a few words he said: "mom, hahaha, mom your so ugly!".

Everytime I wake up from anaesthesia I ask the nurses for food. Then I complain that they are not allowed to feed me in recovery and that I was a good girl and didn't eat before surgery. There is usually a meal waiting for me by the time I get back to my room. Everytime it feels like the best meal I've ever had.

When I was recovering from having all my (impacted) wisdom teeth pulled, I wanted to wake up all the way. I recited Jabberwocky to try to get myself to focus and make myself more alert. Fortunately, nobody came into the room because I would have been really embarrassed and had to explain why I was talking gibberish.

Not me, but my sister (straight) asked her nurse (female) to bring her on a date to McDonald's.

My uncle woke up and started singing Hit Me Baby, One More Time. Apparently he thought he was Britney.

I haven't done anything funny but I'm having surgery next week so I'll be interested to see if i do anything stupid.

Just before I went under (I was a child and there were fish stickers on the ceiling) I said “da fishies are movin”

I had a colonoscopy done at age 15. I can’t remember but apparently, according to my mother I said, “doc, after that you owe me dinner and a movie.”.

My son was going for a minor procedure, nothing serious.

Being a typical dad I told him that they had to shave all the hair off his body for it.

When he came round he kept asking the recovery nurse if he still had eyebrows.