26 Mothers-In-Law Who Treated Boundaries Like Suggestions And Privacy Like A Joke (Closed)

We’ve been together for 8 years but got our first apartment together in January 2020. MIL was annoyed about us moving out because she liked having access to extra money. She’s very controlling, a bit manipulative and tries to act innocent 24/7.

My grandmother has Stage IV colon cancer and I have been her sole caretaker. I was up all night caring for her and went to rest my head at 8am. At 8:45am, I was woken up by her VIOLENTLY banging on my front door, saying “I know you’re in there!!!” She also had her 9yo son banging on the door and even tried to get in with a card!

We simply stayed quiet and ignored her because she knows better... and we do not accept the breach of privacy. We also do not accept potential COVID exposure to my ill grandmother...

So she goes the back door and started banging too! Like mad! And then... she bangs on our neighbors door... and then after a little bit, the police are on our lawn and so they begin knocking... We ignore it because the police can’t just demand us to talk to her, you know? What the heck?!

And so I called the police station and I explain a little bit like... “she’s been knocking like crazy, she probably wants money or something, which is a usual, and she knows not to show up. We’re fine.” The officer asks if we’re “anti-cop” and says we need to show our faces out the window because MIL said we weren’t okay—to try to get us to come out—which my bf did not want to do that... because it’s a game to her, you know?

And finally, after a while, he showed his face from the window and the cops walked away immediately and she just walked away crying.

Now she’s texting me trying to act like she’s concerned when she was being vicious at the door, saying stuff violently like, “I HEARD YOU IN THERE.”

Should I just tell her straight up that she’s not welcome here?

I dislike her for many reasons, I mean... he’s 26, I’m 24... and she wants access to our bank accounts like... what? I’m paying my own way through college, she isn’t getting money from us. I just don’t get it.

So here I am at home minding my own business cleaning up my home now that the kids are at school and the ring notification goes off on my phone.

The only thing I was expecting today was a package that would have been on the doorstep so I just continued what I was doing.

15 minutes later my husband calls me and asks if i knew his mom showed up to our home. I said no I was busy cleaning and looking after the baby. He tells me MIL saw me through the window and knew I was ignoring her. I tell him I've been at the back of the house the whole time and ask if she jumped the fence. He doesn't reply and then 5 minutes later MIL sends me a message telling me to stop accusing her of things she didn't do.

I'm not dealing with her again but in just hoping my husband does something about her since his response was 'what the hell' when I sent him the screen shot.

My 80-ish year old mother in law lives about a mile from my husband and I. She is a wonderful person. She helps us and is kind and has great intentions. I love her dearly.

However, I am getting frustrated because she seems to think it is okay to walk into my home at any time without knocking, ringing the bell, or even letting us know she's coming over. If the doors are locked, she uses the spare key we gave her for emergencies. It startles me. I'm not always wearing appropriate clothing for guests, especially since I have a toddler who doesn't allow me to close any doors (bedroom or bathroom) because she gets into everything if I do, even if its only for a minute or two.

My husband doesn't agree with my frustrations, but he did talk to her about ringing the bell. He said she can drop by anytime, but asked her not to just walk in.

Even after the conversation, nothing changed. She just walked in again without letting us know she was even coming over. I'm beyond frustrated. My husband is now upset with me and thinks I need to let it go. He says that she is family and that she should be able to just walk in anytime. He says that it is my issue and that I am the one who is the problem, not her.

Am I the jerk for just wanting her to ring the doorbell when she comes over?

This week has been and absolute struggle and terrible for me.

Saturday, I was rear ended and now dealing with back pain while my car is in the shop being fixed, Sunday night my grandfather passed away, Monday afternoon I had to out our dog down. All week I have dealt with my youngest two kids being sick and extremely clingy. Also the worst week for my older three kids have had some more then usual practises for sports or dance classes.

I have been using my husbands car while he gets a ride to work and even then, being out every night until 7pm has been tiring for me and the kids and the kids have been acting out because of it.

By Thursday night I decided I needed a break, My husband agreed and told me he not to worry about housework and stuff for awhile and he would take care of it.

We also both agreed that the kids needed a day to just rest and not worry about going to school or after school activities.

So while my husband went to work on Friday me and the kids stayed at home and had a pj day, It was definitely needed.

My husband usually speaks to his mom on the phone in the morning if things are slow, He told her about our day off to relax and she took it as an open invitation to show up.

When I opened the front door for her she walked in and looked around disgusted at the living room, front room and kitchen, Before turning to me to call me lazy mom and how I need to get off my ass and start acting like a mom.

I told her I was taking a break for a couple days and my husband had agreed to letting me relax for awhile. MIL then went on to tell me I'm a mom and I don't get to relax.

I couldn't be bothered arguing and literally dragged her out of my house.

I know she told some sob story to my husband but he doesn't really care and pretty much told her to ask next time instead of just rocking up to someone's house.

I have been with my husband for 3 and a half years and married just over 1 year. This past November we had our first child. My husband is an only child and his father was never in the picture. Him and his mom have never really been close.

Now for a little back story, we are both at odds with my MIL and it all started less than 24 hours after I had my son. My husband and I told both my MIL and my mother that we did not want our son's birth turned into a photo op. People taking pictures of me have always made me uncomfortable. My son had some complications immediately after he was born and he was rushed to the NICU. I wasn't able to see him for roughly 9 hours. Once I was allowed to go into the NICU my husband went with me as this was the first time I was officially meeting my newborn son. Next thing I know I look up and see my MIL using this opportunity as a photo op. I WAS FUMING. These were not the first pictures I wanted of my son or of my husband and I with our son. The next morning my MIL decided she wanted to come back and see our son who is now safe and in our room. I am running on maybe 2 hours of sleep, but still said it was okay for her to come. Once she was there I didn't really interact with her. I was just trying to rest. After she left she ended up calling my husband. This is when he decided to call her out on the photo op and how she completely violated a boundary that we clearly set.

Her response floored me. She began yelling at my husband saying that I hate her, that I don't like her and I never have. That I am so hateful towards her. She said her reasoning for taking the pictures was because she thought that we would want to remember that moment and to her it wasn't a big deal and she didn't see the point of getting upset.

Once all this happened I decided I needed to distance myself from her and focus on my new family. My husband agreed with doing this as well.

Fast forward to about a week and a half ago. My husband and son had been sick for over a week. I was out doing errands and getting groceries. MIL asked me multiple times if I wanted anything from Sams Club. I would constantly tell her "no, but thank you." She was doing the same to my husband and he would also respond "no we are good thanks". I return home and my son was screaming. He hadn't slept all day. We all decided to try to nap. My husband finally falls asleep and I finally get my son to fall asleep. About 10 minutes later there is a knock on my door. My dog goes flying and barking her head off waking up my son. I answer the door and say "why are you here". She says I wanted to bring you a rotisserie chicken, a trash can, and laundry detergent. I told her we already said we didn't want anything and to not show up at our house unannounced and that next time she tries to give us random stuff I will immediately return it to her we don't want anything from her. She got angry and said "she will never come over or speak to us again" and slammed the door. AITA?

My hubby and I recently bought a new home together. His mom started pestering us for a copy of the key in case of an emergency. I told her about the rule we have and that is "only residents get to have a copy of the key". She kept complaining and even got the family involved.

Last week, she demanded a copy of the key sent to her. I decided to grab the copy of the key to HER HOUSE that my husband was keeping for years and sent it to her with a note saying "only residents get a copy so this copy is for the home YOU reside in". She was beyond livid about it. She told the family and I was called names. Now hubby is complaining about how I escalated and made a mistake by upsetting her further instead of just sticking to "no"

My (27F) husband (32M) and I have been dating for 6 years and married for 4, we have a 3 year old baby boy and since we don't plan on having more children, I told my husband that I wanted to get my breasts redone because I wanted them more perky and I had surgery last year.

My MIL has always been sniffy because my husband is her only son, we've gone LC over the years because she's overbearing with him and dismissing with me, things got a little better when our baby was born, but after my surgery? oof, it's like I wrote in my forehead ''LOOK AT ME, I WANT TO CHEAT ON MY HUSBAND'', she's always implying that I did it for male validation (yeah, your son's ffs), that I'll leave my husband, I wear stuff that shows cleavage, that I could've gotten them a little smaller, everything. She also complaint about my clothes (and underwear) a lot, because ''no married woman with a child should dress like this''.

And see, that's what stung me because, how could she know? I suspected she was going in my drawers, but my husband told me that she could never, she made a comment about a cute set of lingerie that shows basically everything and I was confused, I asked how'd she knows I have it and she said ''she saw it in the washing machine'' but I prefer to wash my sets by hand so the lace last longer. Anyway, we recently changed our bedroom and I had an idea to put an end to this, when I was restocking my drawers, I used one in my vanity to put all of my husband's and mines night toys, a few sets and a dirty letter he wrote to me once. My MIL visited us a few times and said nothing, so I did felt bad for accusing her, but yesterday she was here with my SIL and my husband and I were in the kitchen cooking for them.

We heard my MIL calling us and when we went to our room they were standing next to my open drawer, I just snorted, looked at my husband and said ''see? she snoops.'' My husband got red in the face, berated my MIL and my SIL and they both left after calling me indecent. My husband is mad at them, but he's mad at me too because he says I shouldn't have set a trap for his family and is saying we three need to apologize to each other, so maybe AITA?

My MIL has a habit of coming over unannounced, sometimes early in the morning or late at night, “because she was in the neighborhood.” We have a keypad on our front door and anytime we give her the code so she can check on the house while we’re gone, she keeps it and uses it whenever she wants. It’s worth noting we return the favor when they’re out of town but we leave her spare key where she keeps it hidden and don’t pop in when she’s home without calling ahead first. Also, it’s a PITA to delete and recreate new passcodes on our particular pad.

We’ve already changed the code twice because of this, but I don’t want to have to keep changing it every time we give her access to the house. Last week, she let herself in while I was working from home, made small talk, and then began reorganizing our kitchen while insisting our daughter needed more “snacks” (We don’t keep too many sweets in the house).

I told her that moving forward, I’d appreciate a heads up before coming over and that the code is for when we’re away not an open invitation. She got offended, said I’m “pushing her out of her child’s life,” and now my spouse is stuck in the middle.

AITA for not wanting to give her free rein to walk into my house whenever she feels like it?

Hi everyone, I’ve been lurking for years but this is the first time I feel peeved enough to write about it, though there have been other, more identifying issues. You might consider this a bit of a witch eating crackers issue, I’ve definitely read a lot worse on here over the years, but she’s been giving signs of getting worse over the four years so and I have been living together. I’m 42f, SO is 43m and his mum (65) lives just a few numbers down the street.

We’ve just been on holiday for a few days. Just before leaving mil finds out we’ve asked a long-time, trusted friend to feed our furry friends while we’re away and pitches a complete fit about it. “How could you ask a stranger? Why didn’t you ask me? My son doesn’t trust me!” It’s my fault, of course, but it just came out in conversation and I had no idea she’d be so offended. Our friend has done this before for us, we leave for about a week or so at least once a year. My so hadn’t arrived yet by that time but she really had it for him and was threatening all sorts of uncomfortable situations and things we can’t sort out for her the night before our flight.

I was feeling guilt and trying to minimise things, I had also asked her to water the plants outside, which she could do easily living so close. SO comes in and has a real argument with her. She literally says “oh you don’t trust me because you know I’m going to throw out those terrible shorts you (SO) wear!” and I’m thinking wow you really just admitted you would go through all our stuff, though I’m just eating in silence while they scream at each other. Luckily he manages to calm her down and we’re off to pack and we leave the next day.

So we’ve just got back and she’s managed to change the whole potted plant arrangement and she pruned plants I never asked her to, and I’m sitting here feeling like going over there and telling her “this is why we don’t let you in the house! Case in point!”

Uff!

My MIL (fiancé now, I always forget, step mom) so future MIL and FIL bought a house. They insisted we visit and when we did, she has this hall bathroom without a lock.

She walked in on me as I’m on the toilet to say that the water bill is expensive and that I should tun it off, sure thing. She continues to stand there and afterwards tells me not to use that bathroom ever again.

This morning she walks in on my five year old daughter and tells her to never use her soap (it’s $6.99 on Amazon but looks fancy). Tonight she takes the only hand soap in this house and hides it. It’s the middle of the night with no way to wash our hands.

My partners father is at work right now but he told her to cut it off as she only make $30k/year and he makes $200k +, given that she pays a total of $0 for anything she doesn’t have the right to dictate anything.

I find it so improper to walk in on someone and lecture them the entire time whilst they’re on the toilet. Am I nuts?

Me and my husband are currently living with his parents until we get settled in our new house. They have a furnished basement with a kitchen and a bathroom and a living room so it feels pretty much like our own private apartment, we pay full rent as well.

In the beginning we had a common agreement that we would all have dinner as a family with my in laws and occasionally have family movie nights but as time passed, our schedule often differed from theirs so the hangouts lessened, that’s when his mother became adamant on inserting herself into our lives.

She started coming downstairs unannounced to chat or spent time with us, I didn’t mind it at first but it became an everyday thing and it started feeling like an invasion of privacy.

Yesterday, my husband and I were watching a movie on the couch in our basement living room and things got a bit heated and mid way through making out, his mom made an appearance, it ruined the mood and we went to sleep. The next morning she was acting funny and avoiding me, then she randomly said that she would prefer that me and my husband keep it in the bedroom, I lost it right there. I told her that we pay rent and that she doesn’t have the right to invade our privacy and that it was inappropriate of her to constantly walk into our space uninvited and unannounced, I told her that if it were some other tenants living in the basement, she wouldn’t behave that way and just because we are related doesn’t give her the right to invade our privacy specially since we’re paying rent, she got offended and complained to my husband saying that she would not tolerate my behaviour and if I feel that way I’m free to move out ASAP . Am I the jerk in this situation?

TLDR: me and my husband live with my in laws and pay rent, his mom constantly invades our privacy and walks into our basement unannounced, yesterday she walked in while my and my husband were about to hook up in our basement living room and the next day she told me to “keep it in the bedroom” next time so I called her out and told her that I don’t appreciate her constant invasion of our privacy, now she is angry and won’t speak to me. Am I the jerk?

While I was home alone, MIL let herself into our home using the code BIL gave her when he fed our cat while we were on vacation. He gave it to her when he couldn't come over one day. We had no idea. I don't know if she knew we weren't supposed to be home at that time, but I ended up staying home. She and my husband planned for her to drop something off at "some point" in the coming days, but they didn't plan a specific time bc if no one was home, she was going to drop it off outside the door. I vaguely knew of these "plans".

So after she surprised me with her unexpected presence, I sort of lost my cool. First, because I was startled and a bit scared for a second (I always know when my husband comes home by the sound of the garage). Second, not surprisingly, she has a huge problem with boundaries that husband deals with. I raised my voice asking why she was here, how she let herself in, then I told her she can't just do that, and that we're going to change the code.

She herself was stunned by my reaction (probably bc I've always been super nice), tried explaining herself (she didn't want anyone to steal the empty Tupperware she was leaving). She said she's never let herself in before. She started tearing up, apologized, then left. She is highly sensitive and kind of fragile. If my husband tells her he can't do yet another thing for her, she will tear up and weakly say "oh, th-that's ok...". The entire family believes it’s manipulation. He's learned (through therapy) not to immediately cede to her when she does that.

She called husband crying, told him I screamed at her, insinuated she was "crazy", and made her feel "very, very unwelcome." Last part is true, but the first two are absolutely not, but I believe if anyone raises their voice at her, she perceives that to be “screaming”. She kept on telling him he can't let me talk to her like that (I don’t think in a sexist “keep your woman in line” way, I think it was more “she knows I’m sensitive so she can’t talk to me that way” way.)

Husband is behind me, but I can tell he's just worn out.

WITAH for losing my cool in the moment when husband wasn’t there to intervene?

My husband and I are out of state with our baby to introduce her to some of her extended family and have some fun. The trip has been great but we’ve been noticing that every time we meet up with a family member, MIL will call said family member while we’re out with them, interrupting our time and she’s always asking what we’re doing/talking about with them.

It’s been super creepy, and whenever we’re not out with family, FIL will call us and ask where we are and what we’re doing. After the third day of this happening, my husband stopped picking up calls/texts from his father and turned off his phone’s location (never knew he was sharing it with his parents in the first place 🙃).

Since then, FIL has been nonstop calling us. My husband eventually picked up and got yelled at for not talking to him in days (it’d only been like 12 hours since we cut contact). My husband explained that we’re trying to relax and enjoy our vacation. Eventually he got off the phone and then ten minutes later, FIL called again and told my husband to turn his phone location back on.

We’re both creeped out. We’re full grown adults, we live on our own, have for years. We have our own lives and have recently limited contact with MIL, which is why I think she’s stalking us like this…

We gave MIL access to our shared calendar last winter while FIL needed regular help getting to appointments. It made coordinating rides easier. He's doing well now and that arrangement has ended, but we never removed her access.

Now she calls about any blank Saturday: why aren't we coming for lunch, why can't we drive her to visit her sister, what are we doing that hasn't been entered yet?

Last weekend:

Me: We're staying home.

MIL: But there's nothing on your calendar.

Me: Staying home doesn't need an appointment.

MIL: So you're choosing not to help.

My husband told her the calendar wasn't a booking system. She then called me seperately to ask what we'd “really” planned. We're both ready to remove access. I need a short way to explain it without being pulled into proving we have a sufficiently important reason for each evening off.

DH started a new job about four months ago. MIL knows the company name but has never been given his manager's number or work schedule.

Last week his manager pulled him aside because a woman had called reception asking whether he “made it in okay.” Apparently MIL has done this more than once when the weather was bad or DH didn't answer her morning text.

DH called her and told her very clearly to stop contacting his workplace.

She cried and said he's making her sound “crazy” when she's only being a mother, then asked how she's supposed to know he's safe if he won't respond.

He's embarrassed and furious, but also worried confronting her harder will make her call again.

How would you shut this down without giving her another opening to argue about her intentions?

A couple of days back SO and I were bringing up times our families were, let's say, unpleasant. This was one of those times.

A few months to a year back, I was sleeping over at SO's place. We both still live with our parents, to our never ending dismay. Usually MIL, is a decent person but sometimes she has certain behaviour, thoughts or otherwise unpleasant household dynamics that make me think of SO as Norman Bates and his mother as mrs Bates from Psycho. Therefor I shall refer to her as such.

First thing to know is that my father is a raging narcissist and all my life I'm walking on eggshells. As one of the many results of that is that I abselutely cannot have be intimate when I do not feel completely safe and alone, to the frustration of SO. Now, mrs Bates already is as blunt as an executioner's axe about everything, against my clear objections. Keep in mind that she had already once said that she could hear "everything" when we were busy.

So and I were just done with our, let's say, with our nightly exercise, when mrs Bates knocked on SO's bedroom door. At this point I'm already freaking out and have a thousand doom scenario's in my head, thinking we were to loud, we annoyed the neighbours, etc. I'm extremely self-concious. SO tells mrs Bates that no, she can't come in. Mrs Bates proceeds to enter anyway. At that time I had been busy putting on a bra, so I dive back into the bed, covering myself. To this mrs Bates proceeds to give me a stink eye. SO tells her, quite agitated, how rude it is to storm into the room. Especially if it was just made clear that she shouldn't. Mrs Bates shrugs this off with a "my house, my rules" then looks at me and tells me that "it's nothing she hasn't already seen" and "we're both women". Asif that would cover the insensitive act!

Her grave and justifying reason for this enormous violation of privecy and sanctity of the body? Tea was being served. And SO needed to clean his room.

Screw you for intruding on my personal borders and giving me a panic attack for something as stupid as this, mrs Bates.

Edit: I went looking on the acronym list for anything that might accurately and better explain my Psycho and Bates metaphor. I came across Jocasta Complex, so mrs Bates can also be compared to Jocasta.

My living situation needs explaining. My house is built on a hillside and street level is the top floor. Bedrooms are one floor down. Below that is a "basement" unit where my retired MIL lives. She has her own bathroom, kitchen, laundry, etc. To leave the house, she can use an outside staircase which goes all the way up to street level. Or she can come through our space where there's a door between her unit and the upper levels. We bought the house together for financial reasons. The agreement was that my MIL would use the outside stairs when the weather was nice, and use the inside stairs if it was raining or snowing. But she'd have to text us and give us reasonable warning to avoid awkward encounters (e.g. give me enough time to make sure I'm not going to the bathroom with the door open).

Fast forward... my wife and I now have 2 kids (ages 3 & 5). My MIL needed back surgery around 4 years ago. Since that surgery, she's exclusively used the inside stairs to leave and I've bit my tongue and not brought up our original agreement.

The main issue is that she's very inconsistent in texting us. When she does text, it's typically with 2-4 minutes of warning. I live in constant anxiety listening for that door to open. When I hear it, the first thing I do is check my phone. I'd say there's a text message around half the time.

Yesterday, we took our kids out on a day trip and noticed that my MIL parked her car in a way that took me a few attempts to get our van clear. It was also very close to the mailbox. My wife texts her mom and asks her to move her car (literally just 3-4 feet would avoid an angry note from our grouchy mail carrier). We get home 7 hours later and the car hasn't moved so my wife calls out my MIL for that. 2 more hours pass and I hear the door open. I check my phone and there's a "coming up" text from my MIL at 4:59PM. It's 5:01PM when I hear the door.

Afterward, my wife made it a point to remind me that her mom texted. Likely because I was visibly annoyed. I respond in an admittedly sarcastic tone "yeah, 2 minutes ahead." So my wife gets angry at me and lectures me about how her mom never does anything right, how it's uncomfortable for her to be in between us in an awkward situation, etc.

My wife has no issue with her mom coming up without warning. My kids have grown up with their grandmother coming up without warning. I obviously didn't grow up with her. Did I over react to how this went down?

My baby is 3 months old and starting to have distinctive features. His newborn features are almost gone. I take loads of photos of him and we share them with family through our private gcs. I post ig stories with my husband & bb but never with his face fully visible. Either its just the back of his head or I would put my caption on his face in a collage of 6 pics so you still wouldn't see his face clearly.

Now my MIL posted my son's picture when he was born without our consent (my husband and I never posted him nor any of my fam). I let it slide bec half of his face is covered. Then he posted his cute photo with his full on face visible and made it her profile picture and I am so annoyed. It never felt right to fully expose my son's face in social media. Told my husband and got a non committal response to call out his mom. She is a sweet lady don't get me wrong, I understand she's excited abt our son and is a proud granny but she is just the typical boomer in social media 😭😭😭 also he is the first grandchild of both families and my husband and i live abroad so they've never met our baby yet.

It bugged me so much I slept late last night trying to figure out how to report photos in fb and ask fb to delete it. Today it deleted her profile pic!!! Will she find out its me? 😭😭😭 I never gave my husband an indication that I will report it. She's not that techie so im hoping she would chuck this off as a glitch??? Im trying to get 1 more photo removed. I feel so guilty for reporting but at the same time I will never be at peace until I see the photo taken down

The title says it all. I only found out because she added my mom on facebook. My partner (32) and I (32) had our son at the end of August and took LO to meet her when I was 4 days pp because it was her birthday. She posted full face photos (about 10 of them) on that day and conveniently didn’t tag my partner (even though she regularly does).

We had convos with our families while I was pregnant that we would not be sharing LO’s photo online & if anyone posted him they would have their photo and visit rights revoked and trust would be broken. My partner didn’t see the post & I removed her long ago for other reasons but she added my mother yesterday and I saw the post.

Partner said he would talk to her about it but I am just absolutely livid and I feel SO violated. We explained why we were keeping him offline & the nefarious nature of AI and she still went completely against our wishes. Do I also say something? Do I let him handle it?

So earlier around 8pm or so after we got comfortable and got ready to watch a movie, my (30f) mother in law comes over UNANNOUNCED even though she knew my toddler (3) is sick (my mother is currently over helping watch him since I've been really tired and sleepy from waking up meeting his needs etc.
(I prefer my own mother since she doesn't comment on what we can can't watch/do, etc around our kid.

For context: my mother in law is a strict Jehovah witness along with her husband. She doesn't like swearing, raised my husband to be a certain way that fits her image of a perfect son who isn't disrespectful, avoids conflict, doesn't swear, etc etc)

I honestly hate the way she raised her kids so I promised myself I won't raise my son in the same way. There are times she'll come over and pray with my son over dinner (I don't have anything against it and even smile as she does sometimes). I honestly find it cute when my son says amen but if it was another mother I know they'd be pissed.

Anyway, today she came over unannounced, even husband (31m) was confused and said "why did you come without telling us? Like you could've let us know...." Etc
She gets offended like "you don't speak to your mother like that...."

She then asks what we're doing I say yeah look thanks for bringing the fruit but we're just about to watch a movie... " "What movie?" "Thriller movie"
She goes "oh, hope ___(toddler) won't watch that"
I'm like "ok well he will be in the room so it's only our business" she goes on again about something so I'm like "if you're gonna come over unannounced to our place please don't comment on what we can and can't watch. He is allowed to watch whatever we allow him to" (he wasn't really gonna watch, just be in the play area while my mother occupies him.)
So she gets offended at that and says "ok I'll go"
My mother tells me I was so rude and she goes "it's ok I'll just go she doesn't want me here ...." Guilt tripping etc

I honestly hate that in always painted out to be the bad guy and maybe I could use a nicer tone but I HAATE being told what to do. I honestly think I might have like ODD or something.

One time at a park when we were all out together, she tells a random kid to stop climbing up the slide the wrong way and to stop putting sand over the slide as it's "not safe" and uses her "I'm a primary school teachers assistant" excuse

I told her don't comment on other people's kids it's weird and creepy. The mother comes and goes "no sweetheart, don't listen to the lady you can play however you like" I felt so bad I was like yes let the kid play however he's not being a problem" and I apologised to the lady

Like my mother in law doesn't know when to quit.
I may be the jerk (I am to everyone else).
But this lady makes me uncomfortable to breathe around. I am always walking on eggshells, putting things on to make her satisfied whenever she does come over.

How can I honestly stay calm under these situations with people this insane?