O, Dwight, however much we love you! Thine quirks, thine wisdom, thine unmatched grit! Thou art probably the greatest TV series character ever that gives us, the socially ungraceful introverts, at least a smidgen of bravery in being as non-conforming as we like to be. Well, you might’ve gotten the gist by now - we cannot get enough of Dwight Kurt Schrute III, and he’s at the very top of our list of the most beloved fictional characters ever. And thus, we’ve created a whole list of Dwight Schrute quotes and now are sharing it with you!
Unlike the rest of The Office characters, Dwight is much more multi-layered. In fact, although he’s probably the weirdest person you’ve ever met on screen due to the complexity of his character, Dwight’s also probably the most real of them all. And just read some of his wise quotes! All of his phrases will make you laugh the hardest but will also carry a message about dignity, authenticity, bravery, and loyalty. You know, the things that make humans human. And did we mention that some of them are just hilariously funny quotes? We did? Well, no harm in repeating it, then.
Now, prepare yourself beetroot tartar to go with these wonderful quotes - a combo to die for! Once you’re done reading them, give the best ones your vote, and if you’d like a bit more, then read our The Office quotes article, too! Oh, and also, don’t forget to share these funny Dwight Schrute quotes with anyone who seems to be a bit down these days - it will surely improve their disposition!
#121
"I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus, I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides."
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#122
"If onlys and justs were candies and nuts, then every day would be Erntedankfest."
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#123
"That's cool. Hey, you know what's even cooler than triceratops? Every other dinosaur that ever existed."
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#124
"The Schrutes have a word for when everything in a man's life comes together perfectly. Perfectenschlag. Right now, I am in it. I finally get a chance to prove myself to corporate. I am assembling a competent team. I am likely a father. I am so deep inside of perfectenschlag right now."
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#125
“It’s a real shame because studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage because I bring my own water to work.”
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#126
“The Civil War history industry has conveniently forgotten about the battle of Schrute Farms. Whatever. I’m over it. It’s just grossly irresponsible.”
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#127
Oscar: “Don’t you want to see the baby?”
Dwight: “Psh! Why? I know what Angela and the senator look like. I can mash that up in my head right now.”
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#128
“I always wondered how they picked the person to die. I’d be good at picking the person.”
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#129
“When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.”
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#130
“In an ideal world, I would have all 10 fingers on my left hand so my right hand could just be a fist for punching.”
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#131
“You think you’re excited? You should feel my nipples. Boing!”
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#132
“I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater, but I kept waiting. ‘Cause that’s the thing about bear attacks… they come when you least expect it.”
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#133
“They say that no man is an island. False! I am an island and this island is volcanic. And it is about to erupt. With the molten hot lava of strategy!”
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#134
“The hand that reaches from the grave to grip your throat is the strong hand you want on the wheel.”
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#135
“Women are like wolves. If you want one, you must trap it. Snare it. Tame it. Feed it.”
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#136
“D.W.I.G.H.T. Determined. Worker. Intense. Good worker. Hard worker. Terrific.”
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#137
“I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War II veteran killed twenty men and spent the rest of the war in an allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.”
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#138
"With the electricity we are using to keep Meredith alive, we could power a small fan for two days. You tell me what’s unethical.”
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#139
“At first, I drove myself crazy thinking about the things I should have done differently. I never should have played that joke on Erin. I never should have hollowed out this damn pumpkin in the first place. Then I realized that I was being silly. I mean, the pumpkin should rot off of my head in a month or two. Right?”
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#140
“OK, see you later, Pan.”
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