Going to court can be intimidating. Whether you’re guilty of a crime or not, you have to be careful about what you say. And it’s best to be extremely prepared, so you don’t flounder on the stand. A great lawyer can do most of the heavy lifting, but they can’t necessarily win a case for an idiotic client.
Attorneys on Reddit have been recalling the absolute stupidest decisions their clients have ever made, so we’ve compiled a list of their stories below. From flat-out admitting to crimes to sharing incriminating posts on social media, there are clearly no limits to what terrible decisions clients can make. Enjoy reading through these embarrassing fails, and be sure to upvote the ones that you find most amusing.
#41
I work as a legal aid lawyer in a Canadian province. I have had many dumb clients, who did many dumb things
- One of my first clients was a delirious hobo. When we were meeting at my office, he was ranting and his dentures fell out and landed on my legal pad. He picked them up and put them back in his mouth and continued to rant as if nothing happened.
- Same guy appeared in court a few weeks later and refused to let the security detail inspect his hobo bindle. He told them he wasn't going to appear without his bindle and left. He was arrested that afternoon for failure to appear.
- Guy came in and said he wanted to sue Oral-B because their toothbrushes kept cutting his gums. He asked if I wanted to see his evidence. I said no, but he still proceeded to dump a grocery bag of used, slightly bloodied, toothbrushes onto my desk.
Another good one:
- Doing a trial for client in a circuit court about an hour outside of the city I operate in. Client decides to get a cab out there and tells the driver they'll pay them when they arrive. Client arrives in this community and gets the driver to stop at local convenience store across the street from the courthouse. Client proceeds to attempt to steal five 26 ounce bottles of rum and is promptly arrested and taken into custody. Trial is postponed as we spend the day (unsuccessfully) applying for bail.
- One of my first clients was a delirious hobo. When we were meeting at my office, he was ranting and his dentures fell out and landed on my legal pad. He picked them up and put them back in his mouth and continued to rant as if nothing happened.
- Same guy appeared in court a few weeks later and refused to let the security detail inspect his hobo bindle. He told them he wasn't going to appear without his bindle and left. He was arrested that afternoon for failure to appear.
- Guy came in and said he wanted to sue Oral-B because their toothbrushes kept cutting his gums. He asked if I wanted to see his evidence. I said no, but he still proceeded to dump a grocery bag of used, slightly bloodied, toothbrushes onto my desk.
Another good one:
- Doing a trial for client in a circuit court about an hour outside of the city I operate in. Client decides to get a cab out there and tells the driver they'll pay them when they arrive. Client arrives in this community and gets the driver to stop at local convenience store across the street from the courthouse. Client proceeds to attempt to steal five 26 ounce bottles of rum and is promptly arrested and taken into custody. Trial is postponed as we spend the day (unsuccessfully) applying for bail.
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9points
#42
This happens constantly: Guy hires us to defend him against charges by an ex-girlfriend that he is stalking/harassing her. We get girlfriend to agree to drop the criminal charges if our client agrees to have a restraining order entered. This prevents the client from having a criminal record and/or risking jail time. After this is all worked out, and the restraining order has been entered GUY CONTACTS GIRL.
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9points
#43
Not a lawyer but in court for a ticket. Apparently the cop lost the ticket book so there was no "official" evidence. The judge said, the next 15 on the docket (I was luckily one of the 15) just needed to say not guilty since there was no evidence. One moron got up there and started to argue that he was only going 5 mph over not 10. The judge looked at him and said "son, just say not guilty". The guy again said but I wasn't going that fast. The judge laughed and repeated again. Son, just say two words for me, not and guilty. The guy, confused mumbled not guilty in the form of a question, the judge said dismissed.
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8points
#44
Defendant is at a preliminary hearing for a domestic battery charge. Alleged victim, his wife/girlfriend/whatever, failed to show up, so the prosecution dropped the case. The judge told the defendant it was his lucky day and asked if the defendant had anything to say about that.
Defendant starts to explain his point of view on what happened and just about talked himself right back into that domestic battery charge. Indeed, if the judge hadn't been in such a good mood, he might have.
Rule of thumb: if your charges get dismissed, STFU and GTFO.
Defendant starts to explain his point of view on what happened and just about talked himself right back into that domestic battery charge. Indeed, if the judge hadn't been in such a good mood, he might have.
Rule of thumb: if your charges get dismissed, STFU and GTFO.
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8points
#45
Remember when Burger King had those commercials that featured a guy with little hands who didn't want to be seen eating a whopper? I had a guy come in to my office and wanted to sue Burger King for defamation because he had little hands. To the guy's credit, he did have little hands.
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8points
#46
A, B and C are drinking and playing cards. A shoots B with a crossbow (just happened to have one); B staggers out into the street where, naturally, he attracts some attention. A flees. Police follow blood trail back to the scene to find C, my eventual client, mopping up the blood, placing the crossbow bolt in a garbage bag, and generally tidying up. Charged with tampering with evidence. I never understood why his internal housewife took over and kept him from calling 911.
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7points
#47
Actual case I defended: woman using drive through ordered a regular sized value meal at McDonalds. The restaurant had run out of smaller soft drink cups, and without telling her first gave her a large soda. Rather than saying thanks she sued claiming the unexpected weight of the large soda tore her rotator cuff. Litigated it for two years. We settled after two years of fighting it out. Didn't pay her though, agreed only to waive our costs.
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7points
#48
While these aren't as flashy as most of the stories told here, I see them from my clients almost every single day.
1. Criminal - Confess to police immediately following arrest. Every single day.
2. Civil - Pay me thousands in retainer and then refuse to do even miniscule things to further their case. It would amaze you the amount of times people have complained about their billing but have paid me hundreds of dollars an hour to fill out simple forms for them (i.e. simple name/address/social security forms and to go through credit card statements and bank statements to list the account numbers on a divorce property statement etc.) simply because they are unwilling to do it. I have to call and conference with them and go through each blank on the form because they simply won't do it and return it in a timely manner. In more involved divorces this can cost them thousands when all they need to do is sit down and list their assets/liabilities... You hire an attorney to do the legal work. You can save yourself a TON of money by taking care of everything that doesn't require legal expertise on your own.
1. Criminal - Confess to police immediately following arrest. Every single day.
2. Civil - Pay me thousands in retainer and then refuse to do even miniscule things to further their case. It would amaze you the amount of times people have complained about their billing but have paid me hundreds of dollars an hour to fill out simple forms for them (i.e. simple name/address/social security forms and to go through credit card statements and bank statements to list the account numbers on a divorce property statement etc.) simply because they are unwilling to do it. I have to call and conference with them and go through each blank on the form because they simply won't do it and return it in a timely manner. In more involved divorces this can cost them thousands when all they need to do is sit down and list their assets/liabilities... You hire an attorney to do the legal work. You can save yourself a TON of money by taking care of everything that doesn't require legal expertise on your own.
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7points
#49
Call me every day for 30-45 minutes at $175/hour asking the same questions each time just for reassurances on his case. His bill was over $10,000 prior to trial.
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6points
#50
Not a lawyer but my good friend is a social worker and one of her clients had to go to court. This particular client is a transsexual transitioning from female to male. Let's call her Rose. Rose is obsessed with cats. Not sure how to describe her obsession with cats but she never goes anywhere without wearing those crazy coloured CAT EARS and a TAIL. She wants to work with cats too.
Anyway, she broke the la and had to go to court. She was found guilty and when the judge pronounced the verdict, she got down on her hands and knees and meowed.
Anyway, she broke the la and had to go to court. She was found guilty and when the judge pronounced the verdict, she got down on her hands and knees and meowed.
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-11points
