You can live with a lot of things when you have been married to someone for years. But there are moments when your spouse says or does one thing that hits differently, and you start wondering how much more you can take.
We found stories from men who reached that stage in their marriages, and what finally pushed them to leave is not always what you might expect. As you scroll through them, you might find yourself reassessing what actually counts as a dealbreaker in a marriage.
Keep reading to see what finally made these husbands decide they were done and if you’d have made the same choice.
#1
Her telling me the we had to find another house for the pets that I have had since their birth. Told her id rather find another house for her.
25points
#2
Was it when she told me that I was useless even though I was the one keeping us financially afloat while she pursued her failed real estate career but had to have a bmw to “look the part”? Nope.
Was it when she told me that she didn’t love me, on my birthday, just as we were leaving to go to a restaurant to meet up with family to celebrate? Nope.
Was it when she told me that she was in love with her boss, Jill? Nope.
Was it the multiple times over 18 years that she emotionally a****d and humiliated me? Nope.
It was finally when I had cancer, went to the appointments alone and finally had the epiphany that life is too short and I deserve to be happy. I guess I beat cancer twice.
Was it when she told me that she didn’t love me, on my birthday, just as we were leaving to go to a restaurant to meet up with family to celebrate? Nope.
Was it when she told me that she was in love with her boss, Jill? Nope.
Was it the multiple times over 18 years that she emotionally a****d and humiliated me? Nope.
It was finally when I had cancer, went to the appointments alone and finally had the epiphany that life is too short and I deserve to be happy. I guess I beat cancer twice.
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22points
#3
Oh, that's simple. One night, in a drunken rage, my wife took my bass guitar off the wall and swung it at me (she was mad that I was asking her to be quiet and go to bed). I put up my arm to guard my head, and the guitar hit my arm. After she hit me, she let go of the bass, which hit the floor. The neck snapped, and a small piece of the neck hit her in the shin. No mark, no blood, but it made contact. She called the cops........and told them that I a*******d her with the bass guitar. She was so drunk that she didn't even lie, she told them she swung it at me first, and that she did it because she didn't like that I was asking her to go to bed.
Now, you'd think this would be a moment that would look different the next morning, right? Nope. Around 3pm the next day, when she finally got out of bed, she came and found me in the house. I'm sitting there, in a brace and a sling, after having gone to the ER to be told my Ulna bone was cracked. She calmly sat down, and informed me that she was still in shock from my attack on her the previous night. She kept pointing to her shin, which bore no bruise or mark, telling me that she wouldn't be a****d. At that moment, sitting on that couch, I realized that she'd k**l me if I didn't leave.
Even now, 7 years later, she refers to that night as "the first night that I a****d her". She conveniently leaves out the part where she broke my arm.
Now, you'd think this would be a moment that would look different the next morning, right? Nope. Around 3pm the next day, when she finally got out of bed, she came and found me in the house. I'm sitting there, in a brace and a sling, after having gone to the ER to be told my Ulna bone was cracked. She calmly sat down, and informed me that she was still in shock from my attack on her the previous night. She kept pointing to her shin, which bore no bruise or mark, telling me that she wouldn't be a****d. At that moment, sitting on that couch, I realized that she'd k**l me if I didn't leave.
Even now, 7 years later, she refers to that night as "the first night that I a****d her". She conveniently leaves out the part where she broke my arm.
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20points
In 2023, the National Center for Health Statistics reported that the U.S. recorded more than 600,000 divorces or annulments. And when researchers asked divorced people what went wrong, many pointed to a lack of commitment, too much conflict, infidelity, money troubles, and couples constantly growing apart.
These problems can build up over time, until one final incident becomes the straw that makes someone decide they have had enough and call it quits.
#4
It was when she had an adult sit-down conversation and told me she liked women. The ensuing divorce was cheap and amicable (no kids or shared assets).
I was just glad\relieved she grew up enough to come out to me because it explained *everything* about her behavior leading up to that night. It also made me realize that I was not the problem and there was nothing I could do to "fix it".
After our last meeting at the courthouse, we severed all contact. I never looked her up, but still hope she found happiness. I sure as hell did!
I was just glad\relieved she grew up enough to come out to me because it explained *everything* about her behavior leading up to that night. It also made me realize that I was not the problem and there was nothing I could do to "fix it".
After our last meeting at the courthouse, we severed all contact. I never looked her up, but still hope she found happiness. I sure as hell did!
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19points
#5
She told me she wasn't going to be home for New Year's Eve, because she wanted to celebrate with her new boyfriend.
We had been married for 10 1/2 years at that point.
We had been married for 10 1/2 years at that point.
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17points
#6
When we got married the plan was that I would be a SAHD and she would work because she was very type-a extrovert and loved her job. We did that for a year where I took care of the kid and she worked. When the second was born, she said she wanted to take some time off work and focus on being a parent. She would return to work when the kids were in school. No problem! I went back to work full time. Fast forward a few years and the kids are in school. I keep asking her when she plans on going back and she keeps brushing me off. Finances were tight and she had expensive tastes. After asking many times, she finally says “I’m retired now. I sacrificed my body to have kids so I don’t ever have to work again”.
That was the final straw. We already had a terrible relationship with no emotional or physical connection, I was doing all the cooking and cleaning and childcare while working full time, and she was mostly at restaurants or shopping with her friends.
That was the final straw. We already had a terrible relationship with no emotional or physical connection, I was doing all the cooking and cleaning and childcare while working full time, and she was mostly at restaurants or shopping with her friends.
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13points
A marriage does not have to be full of explosive fights for someone to decide they no longer want to stay. Research has shown that some couples spend years living what looks like an ordinary, even happy, life before realizing they have grown apart.
One person may feel less connected to their partner or stop feeling happy in the relationship, and that can be enough for them to decide it is time to leave.
#7
Oh, I don’t know, when she turned up pregnant from an affair?
11points
#8
For me it was when I realized that all my energy was being spent on trying to figure out what was wrong and how to fix it. Then one day after years of talking, pleading, and councillors I looked at my son and realized that if I stayed with her, I couldn't be the father I wanted to be. In that instant my mind was made up and I asked for a divorce.
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11points
#9
every Saturday I run a few miles around the neighborhood. on the way back home, I would stop by a cafe close to our house. I’d get her her favorite pastry and a matcha. most days she would eat the pastry literally in bed. we were having a lot of little arguments and openly discussing divorce. one of us had moved out then moved back. one day, she sends me a TikTok of woman who is served breakfast in bed. when I told her I literally do that, she thought about it, started laughing, then said, oh yea. it could have been a cute moment, but it kind of broke me. something in me just broke.
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11points
Every couple will have things they disagree about, and many of these issues never completely disappear. In fact, Dr. John Gottman’s research found that about 69% of relationship issues are “perpetual problems.” This means they come from differences between partners that are unlikely to be fully solved.
What matters is how couples handle those differences. Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and shutting down can make these issues worse instead of helping couples work through them, which can contribute to a marriage's breakdown.
#10
When she announced she was moving 800 miles away to be near a guy she b****d on a work trip and I asked why we only separating and not getting divorced, and she said "I just want to make sure we both know what we want."
You know, because if it didn't work out for her out there she could just move back and we could just forget that happened.
You know, because if it didn't work out for her out there she could just move back and we could just forget that happened.
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9points
#11
Ive been separated from my ex wife for 3 years now and if there is one thing that I have learned in this time, especially since I've been doing therapy is a lot of the issues in our marriage we're my own fault. My breaking point was not feeling loved, or safe or accepted and feeling trapped and miserable. I blamed her for it. The truth is, I was incredibly disconnected emotionally, absurdly selfish, and asked so much of her I didn't realize that I ultimately made her not love me anymore and completely pushed her away.
I encourage all men reading this. Don't be Stone walls. Don't be defensive. Talk to your partners. Be open and vulnerable and really let them in. Listen to them. Create a space for them to be open. Built something with them. Otherwise you'll wind up 42 years old and completely alone like me.
I encourage all men reading this. Don't be Stone walls. Don't be defensive. Talk to your partners. Be open and vulnerable and really let them in. Listen to them. Create a space for them to be open. Built something with them. Otherwise you'll wind up 42 years old and completely alone like me.
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8points
#12
I wasn’t married but I did support her and her daughter. I had a job I hated but it paid well, she had a job that was fringe show business but paid nothing. A lot of things led up to me walking out but finally she decided we needed to upgrade and move into a house. She decided. The house was a rental in a nice neighborhood I could barely afford i, I was paying all expenses and not able to save anything. I told her no, the look on her face said everything. Rage and disbelief. I left with some personal items, I started over again in a one bedroom apartment where I l couldn’t afford furniture for a month. Worth it. The funny part came where she called my sister to try and turn her against me. Instead, my sister told her that she’d come over and kick her behind if she bothered either of us again.
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7points
The way couples speak to each other during arguments can make or break a relationship. Clinical psychologist Dr. Ellie Wild explains that there is a big difference between complaining about a specific behavior and criticizing someone’s character.
Saying you were hurt because your partner forgot to call is very different from telling them they never care about anyone but themselves. Personal attacks can put people on the defensive and make it harder for couples to work through their problems together.
#13
I was in a very toxic relationship. My ex was controlling, manipulative, vindictive and created nothing but chaos. In every way possible. But I stayed, thinking if I endured, I’d do better for my kids. The same kids that she threatened to take away if I ever left (I believed her, and she tried when I did eventually leave, but I digress)
The final straw was when I was getting ready to leave for work one morning. She’d started an argument for no good reason. I told her I didn’t have time for her s**t that morning. So she punched me, in the face. I asked what the f**k was wrong with her, she punched me again.
My temper was a hair away from punching her back. I wanted to. I could see it happening, and I WANTED IT to happen. I didn’t but I do wonder what would have happened if she’d punched me for a third time, you think you know what kind of person you are until you’re there, living it (I have never once prior even thought about taking a swing at a partner, I’m a “communicate like an adult” kinda guy).
That was it.
10 years of constant a***e and She’d finally pushed me to my limit.
There was no more “enduring”
I was done, and out.
The final straw was when I was getting ready to leave for work one morning. She’d started an argument for no good reason. I told her I didn’t have time for her s**t that morning. So she punched me, in the face. I asked what the f**k was wrong with her, she punched me again.
My temper was a hair away from punching her back. I wanted to. I could see it happening, and I WANTED IT to happen. I didn’t but I do wonder what would have happened if she’d punched me for a third time, you think you know what kind of person you are until you’re there, living it (I have never once prior even thought about taking a swing at a partner, I’m a “communicate like an adult” kinda guy).
That was it.
10 years of constant a***e and She’d finally pushed me to my limit.
There was no more “enduring”
I was done, and out.
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7points
#14
She admitted that the guy she had cheated with had done h****n in the house with the kids present.
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7points
#15
Between my need for a fan at night, 20 years of built-up friction, and two kids who refused to sleep in their own room, we were already sleeping in separate bedrooms. Then came COVID, and she pushed us to buy a house because her dad promised to help pay. Interest rates skyrocketed, and even with her dad paying the bank directly, the remaining monthly payment was crushing us.
I brought up selling our car to survive financially (we don't live in the US and we moved to be near her work and near the kids school), and her immediate reply was that she wanted a divorce. So we split: I kept my car, she got her house. Now she’s furious that she doesn't have a car or money for one while paying off a house on her own. We currently do a 2-week on, 2-week off custody split, but she's fighting for full custody claiming she misses the kids. F**k that I miss my kids just as much as she does. Now I have my money for my self, I take my kids on trips to other cities and everywhere else, but she refuses to sign their international travel authorization. My sister lives in Miami, and I’d love to take them to the Orlando theme parks. It's been two years of this, and my court date to finally set custody in stone isn't until April 2027.
I’ve always worked from home, so I’ve always been there for my kids. Now that we’re not together, I have the freedom to work from anywhere. She has an in-person job, so she’s completely stuck and honestly, I’m just glad I'm free.
I brought up selling our car to survive financially (we don't live in the US and we moved to be near her work and near the kids school), and her immediate reply was that she wanted a divorce. So we split: I kept my car, she got her house. Now she’s furious that she doesn't have a car or money for one while paying off a house on her own. We currently do a 2-week on, 2-week off custody split, but she's fighting for full custody claiming she misses the kids. F**k that I miss my kids just as much as she does. Now I have my money for my self, I take my kids on trips to other cities and everywhere else, but she refuses to sign their international travel authorization. My sister lives in Miami, and I’d love to take them to the Orlando theme parks. It's been two years of this, and my court date to finally set custody in stone isn't until April 2027.
I’ve always worked from home, so I’ve always been there for my kids. Now that we’re not together, I have the freedom to work from anywhere. She has an in-person job, so she’s completely stuck and honestly, I’m just glad I'm free.
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6points
Trust in a marriage can be much harder to rebuild once it's broken. This study found that infidelity was among the most common reasons people gave for their divorce. An affair can leave the other partner questioning whether they can trust their spouse again. For some, it makes ending the marriage feel easier than trying to save it.
#16
She spent $300 on records after agreeing to a record budget after spending $600/month on records for years. It was all retail therapy for her mental health issues she refused to deal with. I realized she was never going to deal with her mental health problems. It has been going on for a long time, and I tried to get her help, but you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to change.
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6points
#17
She punched me in front of the kids
It had happened previously but I was holding on. I’m a very big man so cannot retaliate at all safely and never did……
That was the end, in my head, took me a week to move out and get a rental. S**t times but I’m remarried now ; super happy 😃.
It had happened previously but I was holding on. I’m a very big man so cannot retaliate at all safely and never did……
That was the end, in my head, took me a week to move out and get a rental. S**t times but I’m remarried now ; super happy 😃.
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6points
#18
We separated and then rejoined. One of those "we both had some growing to do" situations. Now have a kid and it's been 3 years since the re-union.
We had both given up for the ~year leading to the separation and both resented eachother. My last straw was when her best friend came to me and told me I needed to "protect myself - you're being taken advantage of". When *her* best friend is warning *me* I knew it was time to go.
We both did some growing. I got sober, she got on SSRI's, we both set some boundaries around division of labor and general relationship health. Have a kid and are now very happy.
We had both given up for the ~year leading to the separation and both resented eachother. My last straw was when her best friend came to me and told me I needed to "protect myself - you're being taken advantage of". When *her* best friend is warning *me* I knew it was time to go.
We both did some growing. I got sober, she got on SSRI's, we both set some boundaries around division of labor and general relationship health. Have a kid and are now very happy.
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6points
Men and women may not always experience the decline of a marriage in the same way. This research found that wives tended to notice marital problems increasing over time, while husbands were, on average, less aware of these issues.
In some cases, what a husband sees as the reason he wants to leave may connect to a pattern his wife has noticed for much longer.
#19
She wouldn’t take me to the hospital.
I broke my leg skateboarding and immediately knew something was wrong. Hobbled over to my car and made it home. Literally crawled in the front door and she said “OMG what happened?”
“I think I just broke my leg, can you take me to the ER?”
“Well tonight’s actually not good for me. See I have plans with some old friends from work, and then my aunt Cathy is in town from Boston and I only see her like once a year…”
FTB…
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6points
#20
The day I realized that my relationship with her was just like my relationship with my parents.
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5points