69 Exact Moments When People Saw Just How Dumb Their Partner Was

My dear lovely husband did not know that Shirley Temple Black was Shirley Temple’s name after she married. One night he admitted that he thought Shirley Temple Black was the Black Shirley Temple. Like Hollywood had remade all of the movies with a Black child actress for Black audiences.

Thank goodness he’s pretty.

Alright I love my gf to the moon and back but.. she thought if she got a tattoo, her baby would come out with that same tattoo in the same spot she got it.. 

A girl I was trying to date told me that Spain is part of Latin America, and when I informed her that it is in Europe, she doubled down by saying she was a Latin American studies student and that I was wrong.

Ex wife.

Complained Apple Pay wouldn’t work/link or whatever. I suggested she contact apple support, or go down to the Apple Store. Kept refusing to go to the store, saying she’d call customer support and go from there.

One day while at work, she texts me asking where to get iTunes gift cards. Already a red flag. “Why do you need those?” I ask. She stated to me that Apple support is requesting the codes so they can verify funds. I told her it’s a bad idea, it’s a scam, and to just go to the Apple Store. An argument broke out, and nothing was discussed further.

I get home that night, and notice eight (8) $100 iTunes gift card holders in the kitchen. I ask her if she sent the codes to anyone in which another argument broke out. She said she posted in an Apple support thread and an anonymous user replied to her telling her to call this number, obviously unaffiliated with Apple.

Some say her Apple Pay still doesn’t connect to this day.

My husband watched me cooking one day (we had only been dating for a month or two) and as I was talking, the pan that I was heating up was wobbly, so I proceeded to stick a spatula under it to keep it steady- a plastic one- right on a burner. It melted, naturally. His first thought was "am I dating a moron??"

I don't even blame him for that thought...the dude married me anyway but he does ALL the cooking.

My first wife thought that wind comes from trees, because every time it was windy out, the leaves would rustle.

We had a clogged French drain outside. My husband thought a plunger would fix it. He dropped the handle in the drain trying to plunge it. If that wasn’t bad enough, he tried to use a wrench to get the handle out of the hole and proceeded to drop the wrench in the hole as well. He then called a plumber and told him we need help getting a plunger handle and wrench out of the drain. He’s a PhD in English Literature. Needless to say, I am now the handyman.

We were planning a trip, and I asked my partner to book the flights. Weeks later, I asked for the details, and they said, “Oh, I thought we could just buy tickets at the airport on the day we leave.”
Apparently, they thought airports were like bus stops. We ended up paying so much for last-minute tickets, I half-expected a butler on the plane to greet us with caviar and a mortgage application.
Lesson learned: trust, but always verify :).

Girl I dated in college broke my laptop because she kept trying to get a USB drive in. Instead of, you know, flipping it, she just pushed harder and harder until it broke my port and motherboard.

Love my wife, but South Dakota is not north of North Dakota.

There was this girl that kept faxing the same document over and over. Eventually the recipient called to beg her to stop. But it keeps failing she said… the document keeps coming back out….

Took our dog to get spayed (after having puppies) and he got upset that the veterinarian put in the chart she was post-partum. He thought they meant the dog was depressed.

When he spent an hour arguing cows are from England and bulls are from Spain.


Or when he told me he is British because he had mixed (Egyptian and Irish) heritage and I was English because I don't. 


Oh no - wait... when the dentist handed him that vacuum thing to spit into and he thought it was an oxygen mask and got it stuck to his face!


Haha. Memories.

My boyfriend got drunk once and put his arms around my neck, looked me in the eyes, and asked if I was gay. I’m a guy.

Lord I've got a list...

-He has set himself on fire. Multiple times. Sometimes on purpose.

-He once decided he wouldn't shut off the power while working on a dryer because that would mean he'd have to change a bunch of other batteries. He got shocked, unsurprisingly. This only served to fuel his determination. He got ~~electrocuted~~ zapped 13 times, but he did finish the job alive, in the end.

-We have multiple nicks in the ceiling due to sword-related shenanigans.

-He volunteered to be on the receiving end of my taser, just to know what it felt like.

-As a child, he asked his older brother to kick him in the balls, again just to know what it felt like.

-He volunteered to have his entire nether region, front and back, waxed. For funsies.

-He once made me wake up in the middle of the night in a panic thinking there was a fire because he had manscaped and decided to clean up the hair by setting it on fire.

-He managed to both dislocate a knee and get pink eye within one drunken hour, during which he was playing with whiskey and homemade torches.

I could go on...

This one is a bit obscure but when you go to a hotel to check in, you tell them your full name or at least your last name so they can look you up.

The guy I was dating at the time and I had booked a hotel somewhere and we got there, they asked his name he only gave them his first name which is generic.

“What’s your full name.”

Again gives them just his first name.

“Sir, we need your full name to look you up.”

“Yeah but the reservation is under my name (first name here).”

I had to intervene and tell him they needed his last name because there could be many guests by his first name. I was so shocked this was not common sense to him.

My wife bought a bunch of Rid-X because she saw an ad on how expensive replacing a septic tank can be.

We’re on the village sewer line. We don’t have a septic tank.

She thinks that north is always uphill, so prefers to walk south.

Back when we were first living together, my husband (bf at the time) decided it was a great idea to get rid of a wasp chilling on our blinds by dousing it in lighter fluid and setting it on fire. He acted so quickly that I didn't have time to suggest that might not be a great idea. He set the wasp AND our blinds on fire. It went out quickly but a portion of the blinds melted and we had to replace the whole thing. I have not ever let him live that down.

He also tried to get rid of maggots in our trash can once by..... you guessed it! Dousing them in lighter fluid and setting them on fire. I had to show him how to fill the trash can with water, add some bleach, and let it sit in the sun for a while. Much more effective than lighting the interior of the can on fire.

Edit: I want to add that my husband is NOT an idiot. He just really likes when he has an excuse to light things on fire.

We served in the US Peace Corps together in Uganda. One day, it was really sunny out (like we lived within 50 miles of the equator sunny)

She says, "The moon is going to be really bright tonight." I asked what she meant, and she said since it's so sunny, the moon is absorbing all the light and will illuminate brighter when it's dark...

We argued about this and ended up talking to her mother on the phone. She confirmed her daughter's hypothesis.