Hilarious Bar Jokes That Should Knock You Off A Bar Stool

A man walks into a bar owned by horses.
The bartender says, “Why the short face?”

Give a man a duck and he’ll eat for a day.
Teach a man to duck and he’ll never walk into a bar.

A snake slithers into a bar and asks for a beer.
The bartender replies, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.”
“Why not?” asks the snake. “You can’t hold your liquor."

George R.R. Martin, Joss Whedon, and Steven Moffat walk into a bar, and everyone you’ve ever loved dies.

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a Martinus.”
The bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks, “Don’t you mean a Martini?”
“Look,” Caesar replies. “If I wanted a double, I’d have asked for it!”

Two scientists walk into a bar.
One says, “I’ll have an H2O please”
The second scientist says, “I’ll have an H2O too.”
The second scientist died.

A unicorn walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender, quite surprised to see a unicorn in the bar says, “That will be $7.50; and by the way, we’ve never seen a unicorn in here.” The unicorn replies, “At $7.50 a beer, I can understand why.”

A perfectionist walked into a bar.
Apparently, the bar wasn't set high enough.

An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey." The horse says, "You read my mind, buddy."

Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas, and Gandalf walk into a bar.
Gimli and the Hobbits are short enough to walk under it.

A bar walks into a man. Oops, wrong frame of reference.

A computer scientist walks into a bar, and while holding up two fingers says to the bartender: "Three beers, please"

A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks, “Is this stool taken?”

A man with authority walks into a bar.
He orders everyone around.

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman, a Frenchman, a German, an Italian, a Swede, two Finns, a Norwegian, a Dane, a Greenlander, an Austrian, a Hungarian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Latvian, an Estonian, a Russian, a Turk, an Egyptian, a Palestinian, an Israeli, a Greek, a Macedonian, a Moldovan, a Chinese guy, a Japanese guy, a Laotian, a Vietnamese guy, a Cambodian, a North Korean, a South Korean, an American, a Mexican, a Canadian, a Brazilian, an Australian, a New Zealander, a South African, a Libyan, a Moroccan, a Spaniard and a Cuban try to walk into a fancy cocktail bar.

The bouncer says, 'Sorry, lads... you can't come in without a Thai.'

Two men walk into a bar. You'd have thought one of them would have seen it.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says
“I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

So a five-dollar bill walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey, this is a singles bar.”

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.