“I Have Kids”: Married Woman Struggles With Workplace Crush, Turns To The Internet For Help

I always just think of the actual repercussions that I would have to deal with if I ever acted on that impulse. Most people who end up cheating avoid thinking of what will happen as the aftermath and only think of what’s ahead of them, I’m able to look at the bigger picture itself. I work at a gym and there is many attractive women, definitely “crushable” but when I think of following through by cheating on my SO… I can see all the pain that would be to follow. My SO will find out eventually, everything we had and the bond we shared is Gone and I could never get that back, the amount of suffering that happens when cheating just isn’t worth it in the end and I think a lot of people just try to ignore the reality of it to satisfy their immediate impulses.

If the conversation isn’t work related then Always talk about your spouse. Somehow find a way to bring her/him into the conversation always speaking positively about them.

Tell your husband, sometimes bringing it into the open helps anchor you in some kind of accountability to not do it. Just like a hey this is happening and I don’t like it and I’m not going to pursue it, and then maybe talk to your coworker. I believe honest open communication is always the best answer.

I like dreaming … so I‘m on an other cloud

But: Focus on the stressful, annoying and negative characteristics of the person. If you can’t find any. Provoke em, you’ll find em. Repeat this and the 1x1 of the psyche will save you from your misery.

Bitte. Danke.

We are human beings and this is totally normally and being friends to a certain extent is fine.

You aren’t doing anything wrong at all you have nothing to feel regretful about from what you said.

I have been in this situation and the woman and I really tried to do our best professionally together. We never said anything romantic and it was just a given that if some crazy scenario happened we would probably date, but that possibility was minuscule. (Death/Divorce)

We never did anything at all but be friends until we moved on to other jobs.

I see lots of people confused about their co workers. These are people that got a job near their home, and it's close to their skill set. That's all they are. Not potential friends. Not opportunities to talk about life, the weekend, or share stories with. Emotions come into play only when you start treating work like a date. What will you wear? What will he wear? I wonder if he ended up going out of town this weekend? I'll put an extra orange in my lunch and see if he wants one. Let me check my hair before I go over to get that file. Stop all that. Get that energy outside of work. You can't control who you love, but you can control who you date.

Just stop. Sober yourself and think about how hurtful and shameful it is to be thinking that way. This is real life. Grow up.

What has this man done to you that makes you feel these strong emotions?

Is it love? Is it lust? Or just how he treats you?

Some men are amazing at lurking women in, they recognize that something is missing and they go for the price.

Go on the infidelity subreddits and read about how people got cheated on by their spouses. That will hopefully scare the crush out of you.

By being an adult who can control their impulses. You see him at his competent best not his domestic worst. Think of all the little things that occasionally annoy you about your husband at home. THATS HIM at his house with his wife.

Disconnection is real, remake it with your husband google Six Second Kiss by the Gottmans. Kiss your husband before you leave and as soon as you get home. Text him at lunchtime. Any after work activity such as drinks. Can them off. No lunches alone. If your husband isn’t going with you give all work functions a big miss. Block his contact on all social media. Unless it’s a work related text it gets muted and left on read.

If you have snap chat delete it. Ask your husband for an open phone policy to help keep you accountable. No sneaky little private chat on WhatsApp never talk about your marriage problems at work and don’t let him talk about his.

Just don’t put yourself in a position where you guys get drunk in the same place.

It's quite common and you can't blame yourself for developing a crush on someone. It's how you act that matters. I've had it happen 4 times at work during the past 30 something years, 3 times of which it was mutual. Only the first time something more happened, but then I was single and she was already in a divorce procedure. Not something I'm proud of but s**t, or in this case hormones, happens.

The other times it wore off after time. Not completely, but enough so that it wasn't a real problem.

Everyone is right about the fantasy part that image you have is fantasy.

One thing I do is categorize them as a brother or sister or other family member that would be totally the opposite spectrum in my head from the love fantasy I built up.

Be willing to suffer the feelings for some time to get over them. They will definitely influence you but make sure to do a mental check before you interact with this person or others when mentioning this person. Make sure the voice people hear has the same emotion you use for anyone, it can be a challenge.

Go buy your husband and kid a gift each, to remind yourself what their happiness means to you. Then go buy yourself a gift to remind yourself of the happiness you deserve, and that it's in your control. Now go back to your office and choose how you'd like to extend your happiness in the long term.

I read somewhere that your mind tend to develop crushes towards colleagues as a way to make job more bearable.

Evaluate your values and family values. It sounds stupid but talking these out loud in your car before work sets the tone for the day and you'll remind yourself that this crush does not align with your values. You're not a bad person for having these feelings. Acting on them however is a different story.

I dated my workplace crush for four years, two years ago, and it wasn't all it's cracked up to be. Though I don't necessarily regret it, perhaps would have been better left as just a crush. Sometimes that's the fun of it, fantasy - not so much in the reality. Just try not to dwell on it too much and don't feel to guilty, crushes happen, even to married people - as they say, just because you're married doesn't mean you're dead !

Time. I've had loads of unrequited and unspoken and unacted upon crushes over time. Enjoy!

I have a hard rule that I follow. It is one learned of experience, and attempted to be relayed through wisdoms passed down.

“You do not s**t, where you eat…..!!!”

Professional and personal do not mix. They are like oil and water. So, anyone enroute to or from work, or at work, at any time, is an absolute NO.

Years of following that wisdom have resulted in the ability to shrug em off. Even as a currently and willfully single man, it’s a hard no….

When you start feeling like being "cute" with your co-worker, sign yourself out for lunch, go home and f'ck your husbands brains out. If he's at work, ask him to meet you somewhere and surprise him. If that doesn't sound better to you than flirting with your co-worker - get a divorce.