Around this time 2 years ago my mom protected me from the truth about a surgical procedure that was said to be a non life threatening growth in her uterus. I called her as an essential employee alone in an office and cried begging her to fight and stay here for me because I knew there was something she wasn’t telling me and she said she had to go and hung up the phone.
My mom always tried to keep us from feeling pain because we had so much of it as little kids. The next day she came out of surgery and stayed in the hospital for two days (non COVID-19 patients were pushed out immediately)
That night she took one last bite, spoke to my aunt, and I received a phone call from my dad that she was gone. It turned out that cancer came back late in her life after being a breast cancer survivor for over 40 years. She suffered this pain of knowing all by herself because she didn’t want us to be in pain before she passed.
At 26, I still have sleepless nights, eating just to drain the pain, and I question why? Why me?
At the age of 13 my sister was murdered, at the age of 15 my uncle lost his life in the military, at the age of 17 my 2nd uncle died from sickle cell, at the age of 19 my mom's husband passed, at the age of 20 I spent time homeless, and at the age of 25 my mother passed during COVID-19.
Back in 1999 my mom grabbed every penny she had and took us from living in West Baltimore to the suburbs in Catonsville. It was hard financially, culturally, and logistically but, she did it because she knew it would provide a better life for us.
21 years later…. I look back and I can’t think of a more powerful woman.
I started FILLYAW because I wanted to be able to make that same transition for families living in impoverished communities easier and develop from a community-driven lens.
Growing up in the suburbs I experienced being the only black family on the street, the only black kid in school, the only black kid in band, and with that came a lot of unique experiences.
But they are experiences that I would go back and do again a million times.
Over the years, new community developments have simply turned into money and with technological advancements there’s little to no social interaction.
In our communities... social integration, cost, carbon footprint, inclusivity, transportation, and health are important but, the main focus has been on the size, aesthetics, and profit.
Back in 1999, my mom saw a way out but, the only difference was there was a WAY out back in 1999.
It wasn’t easy.
It took her 18,000 days to pay off that home and she spent 365 days enjoying it before she passed away. Those 18,000 days were full of safety, no drugs, no violence, amazing schools systems, cookouts, sports, sleepovers and some of the best neighbors I could ever ask for.
These things just do not exist in todays world and we wonder why this world has transformed so much.
For those that are revitalizing or supporting the revitalization of inner city communities. We have to stop assuming that our underserved populations desire to be kept in the city or need to live in revitalized communities.
After my mother passed, I thought about how my life turned out and I looked around at friends I grew up with in West Baltimore that have since been killed, locked up, succumb to drug addiction, and others that have led on to be very successful.
In short, the likelihood of making it out of a lot of these communities is slim. This isn’t just Baltimore; this is Detroit, Philadelphia, Chicago (There’s a play about Chicago) and the list goes on.
Our people are not just puppets that we use to try and fix decades of broken inner city infrastructure across the United States.
There’s a housing shortage, new construction homes are ridiculously expensive, rentals are abusing the market based on the housing market, CO2 emissions from new construction is higher than ever, and communities are severely disintegrated.
These communities support and build generational wealth.
Our communities are numb and they need change because as it stands, there are millions of families just like mine that just need a way out.
Community-Driven and Socially-Conscious approach to new community developments.
That’s FILLYAW. Building a way out and a way in.
- In loving memory of Dorothy Hopkins Happy 2 years in heaven.
More info: fillyaw.group
James Fillyaw, Founder & CEO
