As fun as a class reunion sounds in theory, a lot of people have complicated feelings towards it. Statistically, only 20-30% of a graduating class actually attend such get-togethers, with most successful people making up the majority.
Studies have shown that high school reunions tend to have lower attendance rates than expected, as they can feel like stepping into a time capsule that can bring about mixed emotions. Experts say that such events challenge attendees to reconcile their past and present and create pressure to share or defend their life choices in brief conversations.
Some people don’t find allure in attending alumni reunions because social media allows them to catch everything that’s happening in their former peers’ lives daily, not to mention all the milestones like buying a house, getting married, getting a dream job, going on honeymoons, and, of course, having babies.
In general, there are many reasons why a person would choose to skip a class reunion, ranging from simple scheduling conflicts and disinterest to fear of confronting former bullies, says social psychologist Laura Martocci.
That said, there are many good reasons to go, too. "You might need some kind of closure. You ... want to come back and just connect with people that helped form who you were," Martocci said.
While social media platforms make it easy for us to stay updated on people’s lives, face-to-face connections still matter, as do high school reunions. In fact, up to 250,000 such gatherings are held annually, with over 1 million Americans attending their 10-year reunion each year.
To make the decision whether or not to go to a get-together with former classmates easier, therapist Bisma Anwar listed a few indications that might help one make up their mind if they should RSVP yes or no to such an event.
The first sign indicating that you shouldn’t go is if you get a negative reaction to the invite. “Pay attention to what your body is telling you,” she recommends. “If you experience any anxiety symptoms like sweaty palms or a racing pulse as a response, it’s better to skip.”
If there’s some unresolved trauma related to former school years, like bullying or worry that no one will remember you, it might be better to miss out on the experience altogether, says Anwar.
“A reunion can trigger a lot of past traumatic experiences from a time in your life that you’d rather forget. If that’s the case, take the pressure off yourself and opt out.” Overall, in cases where one is set on leaving the past in the past, it’s okay to sit it out. “Your decision should be a comfortable choice,” says Anwar.
However, those who feel authentically happy in who they are, no matter what experience they had in high school, going to a reunion can be validating, which is reason enough to RSVP yes. “Make a pros and cons list and see where you land,” Anwar says. If one feels eager to get closure or enough time has passed to reminisce about the past, these are additional signs that a person shouldn’t miss out on an alumni reunion.
