People With Impossibly Dumb Pets Share Their Stories, Here Are 45 Of The Most Unhinged Ones

Oh my god.

When my little Tater was just a puppy, he got off of his leash and ran all over the yard. Then he made his way out into the street.

A car was coming.

He didn't get out of the way.

The car went right over him.

I cried so hard.

But thankfully, he was so tiny then that all the car did was literally go above him.

But he's learned his lesson about the streets.

I have a pet betta (fighting fish). He's an adorable grumpy little bastard.

He likes to pluck snails off the side of the tank with his mouth and spit them onto the gravel.

He also chases the ember tetras he lives with but he's much too slow to catch them so most of the time he just flares his fins and grumpily stares at them as they dart away.

Broke and couldn't get the usual wet food flavour that my cat loves. He ended up peeing in the basket of freshly laundered clothes just before I have an interview the next day. Had to go to self service laundry at 2am at night so I have clothes to wear to the interview the next morning. Fun time :/.

I guess not the worst thing she's done, but the most exasperating: my Labrador jumped into a canal, swam around for a while, then realised she couldn't get out again.

My mum tried to pull her out by grabbing her collar, but it broke, which commenced in mild panic. Luckily we managed to drag her out without having to jump in.

She also eats cat poo.

My Hamster once ate through a pair of brand new jeans that I'd left way too close to her cage. She must have reached through the bars to pull them through.

My horse is the worst. He's grey, but insists on rolling in the mud every day. He's stood on my foot. He's chucked me off five times in the past six months. Other than that, he's GREAT.

When I was sleeping my cat jumped from the headboard on my bed to my face and proceeded to use my sleeping face as a spring board. Cut up my face good and woke me up in a complete panic.

I have a pitbull, who me and wife are convinced hes autistic. Last night i was using a laser pointer, it was on the wall. He walked over to it sniffed it, looked some more, and then rammed his head into the wall.

My cat sh*t on my mother's shoulder while we were driving.

We have a super fluffy, super large Leonberger dog named Baloo, who is about 2 1/2. We live in a tiny town in the mountains where there is often wildlife present. He is so furry and soft that we just love to scratch and kiss his face. One time, we let him out to do his business and when he came back, I gave him face kisses and found out the hard way that he just rubbed his face in carnivorous animal s**t. Another time, I was giving him kisses and a bug jumped on me, then back onto his face where it burrowed deep in his fur. Apparently, he rubbed his face in deer s**t and got fleas, double whammy.

We also have a little Parrotlet that we love to death, even though he is a little bastard. One day, I got box wine drunk and passed out on the couch after cleaning the house. I left his cage open, as we usually did. When my SO got home from work that night, he woke me up, freaking out because Kit wasn't in his cage and we couldn't hear his chirpy self, or locate him. We searched all night, in our 2 bedroom apartment, and my SO even went through the couch thinking I may have accidently squished him or something. Our only conclusion, that our sweet, wouldn't hurt a soul, fluffy dog must have ate him. My SO went to work the next day completely heartbroken, and I tried to go back to sleep since I was exhausted from crying all night. As I was falling asleep, I could swear I heard him chirp a few times, so I ran into the living room, whistling like a crazy woman, and nothing. I decided my mind was playing tricks, cried some more, and tried to go back to sleep. This happened two more times. The third time, I really started hearing him go crazy. I ran back into the living room, certai this was no trick, and here he comes from underneath the couch. He must have crawled inside it and fell asleep because it was dark. Bonus b******e points, I called my SO's boss and asked that he tell him asap so he wouldnt be depressed all day, boss forgets until later in the afternoon until they finally ask him what's wrong.

TL;DR Dog likes to rub his fluffy face in poo before I give him kisses, resulting in fleas at one point. Lost bird, searched all night with broken hearts, ultimately blamed dog. Bird chirps up the next morning and comes out of the sofa.

My rude-and-stubborn-a*s beagle hates my mom. To be fair, she doesn't like him much either. One day, after he was scolded by her (probably because he went through the trash again) he creeped upstairs (he never goes to the second floor), jumped on her bed and pooped on HER side of the bed.

He has done this more than once.

This was when I was about 12. I'd say around 7 years ago. My mom just bought her dream dog this adorable little s**t head Yorkie, who was 2 lbs at the time, named monster. My mom was out of the house shopping leaving me in charge if the dog. Somehow he managed to climb on top of our kitchen counter, take a look of hatred into my very soul and then took this leap of faith onto our hardwood floors. He hit hard, yelped and then seized up for about 20 mins while I was on the phone with my mom balling my f*****g eyes out because I just witnessed a puppy s*icide attempt.

He's still alive and he's 4 lb fur ball of a*****e.

My cat was an evil hunter. When my brother got a pet mouse we were aware that we always have to keep the door to the room it was kept shot, otherwise the mouse would end very fast as a cat snack.
My cat, the evil genius she was, figured pretty fast out that we were keeping her away from some delicious meal and while we were very careful keeping the door shut she figured out how to enter the room ninja style. Since the ‘mouse room’ was under the roof with a skylight she basically left the house over the skylight of the living room and entered over the skylight of the ‘mouse room’ on the other side of the house. My brother had this mouse for whole 3 days. RIP Jerry. Before and after this day- cat was never seen on the roof.

My cat didn't come back home after letting him out and had me looking on the streets until 4am, found him having a fight with a fox.

I had two cats that didn't get along (i didn't introduce them properly). One day, they decided to fight behind the sofa that was against the wall. Otter(one of my cat) being scared shitless, literally sprayed diarrhea all over the wall and the sofa. To make it worse she was squirming to get out backwards, covering herself with her own feces and decided to run all over the house. I almost cried cleaning that mess up.

Dog took massive dump in my apartment. Then the roomba scheduled to run mid-day did its job. Spread poop f*****g EVERYWHERE!

Technically the dog just pooped in the house and didn't drag that filth around by himself so I decided against punishing him. I did however start a new "no poop in the house" training regiment the next day.

As a kid we had a Borzoi (Russian Wolfhound) named Boris. He would eat anything. He once chewed up our cordless phone and swallowed the battery from it, which began leaking acid in his stomach. I think my parents had to pay around $700 to have it removed. Another time he somehow broke into the pantry and ate an entire bag of prunes. Then the prunes did what prunes do, and he s**t all over the house.

Have diarrhea and scoot down the hall leaving a long skid mark. It was bad but I couldn't get mad at her.

Chew on a fiber optic cable. Thankfully it didn't break but the sheathing is a bit damaged. We were pretty pissed.

She is a cat btw.

When I was a teenager, I came home late one night and closed my bedroom door behind me without realising that our male cat had followed me in. I woke up to the cat p*ssing all over me. That mattress had to be thrown.

My new kitten peed in my grandma's knitting bag when I was little. You cannot imagine the fury. I was pretty sure she was going to make me return her.

Our overly hyper hell-dog Spitz named Warlock once ate $250 in 50 dollar bills that fell out of a friends pocket while he was crashing on our couch... We followed the dog around for a couple of days to get enough and large enough pieces for the bank to give us replacement bills, ended up getting $150 back (and the bank manager was NOT pleased with what he got in trade...)

Turns out you need like 51% of the bill and a majority of the serial numbers visible to get a damage replacement. Friend wanted the dog's hide... but didn't get it.

We had a lab that ate about 4 pounds of fudge that my grandmother sent us for Christmas. He then spent the next 3 days with severe diarrhea and vomiting, most of which happened inside the house.