It Was Not A Time Or Place For People To Say These 47 Things As They Were At A Funeral

Widow:"it's very important for me that you could make it here"
Deceased's friend:"it's been a pleasure"

Silence.

One of my uncles passed away suddenly recently. The preacher at the service was fairly awful. He started going into like graphic details of the events of his passing like "I can't imagine what it must have been like for his wife as he lay on the side of the road dying and she was waiting for the ambulance" At the time I didn't even know all the details of what went down that ended him up in the hospital but Jesus christ. You've got a mourning widow and you're gonna make her relive the worst moment of her life at the funeral?!

"At your next husbands funeral can you get better food and maybe a bigger tab on the bar?".

Not the worst at all, but memorable. When my mom died a few years ago, my daughter was only about 2 years old. My aunt, mom's sister, had gone to use the bathroom in the funeral home and my daughter followed her in, crawled into the stall and had a typical 2 year old conversation with my aunt. ("whatcha doin? Do you like frogs?".

'Don't worry, you'll be with him soon' - my sister to my grandma at my grandad's funeral.

My grandma was crying, me and my family aren't openly emotional people so I still give her credit for trying.

My SO, who is very awkward when it comes to feelings, used one of his classics at one of our friend's funeral. She died unexpectedly at 27. Her best ( male ) friend ( which is a very close friend of ours ), in tears and all broken up, says " Ain't she pretty tho ? " and SO replies softly ".. I'd still do her.." Cue the awkward silence for a good 3 seconds. And then the best friend bursts into tears and laughter. " You d*****s! I needed that, thanks".

My uncle "Rich" passed away really unexpectedly...his dad had really bad alzheimer's. At the viewing, his dad asked, "When is Rich getting here?" That tore me apart.

My husband has a wickedly DARK sense of humor, and so does most of his friends. Recently, one of our mutual friends committed s*****e (9mm to the forehead- this is actually important later). We all rushed over to his house & found him. While waiting for the police & the coroner, we were in shock, NGL. One way we coped was by trading an invisible trophy for the worst jokes we could come up with.

Highlights were:
"He always did complain that he was scatterbrained."

"Well now his mom can finally remodel his room."
"But he just repainted that carpet!"

... We're awful people but it's what our friend would have wanted. We're having the trophy made. My husband currently has the title.

Edit: wanted to add an anecdote from the actual funeral- our friend was a "converted jew"- he wanted to be jewish and practiced the religion even though he wasn't officially jewish. His mother insisted on a catholic funeral. The priest at the funeral insisted that anyone who wasn't catholic shouldn't come up for communion during the service. His mother & the priest both knew he was Jewish, too.

His mom deserves to burn in hell.

At my grandfather's funeral, the pastor at the church my grandfather (and most of our family) went to was presiding over it, and during her speech let out some commentary about "how my grandfather was a real father, not like all the baby daddies of this current generation, running around from woman to woman, doing what they please".

We got what she was trying to say, and while it was true, there are many, many better ways to word a sentiment like that. My parents were rightfully pissed.

My dad had a *horrible* last five years of his life. I was a kid and lost a huge part of my childhood because of all of it and while I don't think about it, it did damage. He died when I was 14.
At the funeral, the minister (who met my mom and old brother..and a few others to come up with something to say since he never met my dad), went on and on about how good my dad was to his son, and sons kids, and wife, and nieces and nephews and told stories about people from 40 years prior. I was never mentioned. No one would have known he had a daughter.. one that grew up in the house (and hospitals and nursing homes) and.. but f**k it. It just bugged me was all. I do feel guilty about feeling like that, because it's selfish, but still.

They wanted me to speak at my dads funeral and i literally said "what am i supposed to say? i didnt like him".

My sister in law, who was VERY pregnant at the time, was asked how she is doing at my grandmas funeral by my aunt. She replied, "im alive so cant complain".
She instantly regretted her choice of words. Lol.

Me and my 3 sisters were sitting waiting for our Dad's funeral to start. My uncle (mom's side) came up to us, trying to make small talk and then said "Oh cmon! Lighten up! I've never seen you girls so down."

What the f**k dude - we're at our Dads funeral who died in his mid 40s unexpectedly. What do you expect us to be like?

Also, my aunt came up to me and yelled at me for calling her a b***h during his visitation while I was next to his urn. She made a huge scene it was horrible.

At my Great Uncle's funeral some distant family member who was the pastor at some church made the weirdest comment. He said that he was in a better place especially since he was buried, because when Armageddon comes the dead will rise up to form Jesus's army. Those who are cremated or prepared in another fashion would not be able to help in the war against the devil.

My mom died at a pretty young age. She was 36. I had just turned 18 a few months before she died (they had kids young back then). I remember at her funereal my grandmother, her mom, told my dad he would meet someone else and move on. She was literally less than 8 feet from my moms dead body. My grandma had some sort of brain damage or dementia or something so everyone just sort of shrugged it off. In hindsight it was actually sort of funny considering how ditzy my granny was. But still super cringeworthy all the same.

Idk if this counts but the priest who spoke at my great grandmothers funeral was trying to depress my grandfather even worse than he already was. They were together like 70 years. The Preist kept saying things like

"I know you're broken inside and nothing can ever make it better."

"What can we say at this time to help you? There's is nothing. She is gone and she is never, ever, coming back"

"For so long you were two and now you will be alone until it is your turn to pass away, probably not long from now."

Etc... idk why but my sister and I were like W*f is up with this guy and we made a face at each other which caused us to laugh and we had to leave the church cause we were laughing so hard.

One of my good friends k****d himself a few years back. He wasn't religious. At all. One kid who was a few grades above us and one of those reborn christian types decided he would speak at the funeral. (The parents of my friend asked that instead of a eulogy, they'd have all his loved ones share some memories.) So, this kid goes up to the podium and goes on a long winded rant about religion and how this loss of life wasn't fair. Then he openly pondered whether my friend was in hell or not because s*****e is a sin. Nobody stopped him, though. We were all kind of sitting their with our mouths opened waiting for him to stop. I'll never forget that.

My mum's boyfriend was looking around the room during my grandma's committal, and remarked how this room would make a great sauna...

We all looked at each other and the sudden realisation of what he said washed over his face. Thankfully we're an easy going family and had a good laugh about it after.

My friend Jeff's dad had passed. At the wake, I met Jeff's grandparents who were standing beside the open casket. I was very awkward and nervous and didn't really know what to say to them. I wanted to explain that I was the friend of their son's son, but instead , out comes " Hi, I'm Jeff's dad." As in, hi , I'm the guy in the casket. They understood just the same.

My own f*****g father, after my grandpa's funeral.

This was my mom's father and he was very well-loved.

After the service my mom remarked about how she really enjoyed the priest's eulogy.

Dad: "He probably says the same thing about everyone.".