#1
My uncle and I didn't realize this was weird, until my mom tapped me on the shoulder and we realized the entire funeral party was looking on in horror. My uncle is chill though, we still talk. My aunt didn't have a lot of money and regretted that she couldn't leave me anything, so after his business started doing better a few years later he bought me my first car in her honor.
#2
So, we are at the cemetery, and they are lowering my grandma down, and my grandpa asks, "so, if I had died first, they would have put me in first and put her on top of me?"
The cemetery worker said, "yep."
My grandpa responded, "huh. We never tried it that way before.".
Funerals are delicate affairs and every word carries weight. Yet, many people don’t know the very basics of funeral etiquette and often end up saying most the insensitive things.
One of the most common explanations is uncertainty. When faced with grief, many people feel pressure to say something, but don’t have the language for it.
Some also fail to understand the effect their words have on another person; they simply say what they want and move on, without considering the impact.
And that’s how you end up with comments that sound tone-deaf that were just rushed out to fill the silence.
#3
My Mom's dad had passed away a couple of days previously. The night before the funeral, a dark and stormy night, the funeral home called at 9pm to tell my mom she had forgotten a tie for the suit for tomorrow's showing. She freaked out, realizing she would have to drive over to the nursing home to fetch a tie and then drive to the funeral home.
Dad, who loved himself his clip-on ties and had many of them, said, "Oh, don't go doing that trip on a night like tonight and at this time of night! Just grab one of my clip-on ties and take it with you in the morning."
My mom, who actually hated that my dad had never learned to tie a tie, responded without missing a beat: "My father wouldn't be caught dead wearing a clip-on tie!"
Seconds after she realized what she had said, she burst into tears.
#4
When my grandfather died a few years ago, his wife's friends were giving speeches and saying how he never smoked, liked God etc. Dad got up, looked at them and called b******t. He was a boxer in Wales, smoked a pipe, Rugby ref, didn't mind a drink and dad couldn't remember the last time he went to church.
Utter silence.
Grief also makes people uneasy.
Studies show that after a loss, social interactions often become strained because others don’t know how to engage. They sometimes even change the subject or avoid the topic entirely.
That discomfort can lead to awkward jokes, overly practical comments or casual remarks — all of which can feel inappropriate in the moment.
#5
Anyway, at the funeral a few weeks later, the immediate family went into the room for private family time to see him in his casket. My mom had made the comment to my grandmother that he looked really good in his suit. My grandmother, not missing a beat, said, "at least he's not freaking snoring." We all lost it and were laughing hysterically for a good 15 minutes.
#6
EDIT: To clarify, the sneeze and its direction was the worst bit! Wasn't a small one either.
#7
Grief is not a one-size-fits-all experience, yet, people usually fall back on familiar phrases when unsure. They might say things like “everything happens for a reason” or “they’re in a better place.”
But research shows that these kinds of platitudes are often seen as unhelpful or even hurtful by those grieving.
A study found that more than 60% of grieving participants reported receiving comments they considered unhelpful.
These included remarks that tried to highlight the “positive” side of their loved one’s passing away or reassurances that time would “heal” everything. People also made comparisons to others who had it worse, or suggestions that they would eventually “get over it.”
#8
I hadn't stopped to rest and kept going right to my grandmother's hometown funeral parlor. When I arrived, my mom met me at the door and asked if I'd like to go see grandma.
So, my mom and I went into the viewing room and I took a look into the casket. I said, "Oh, s**t......that's not the grandma I thought had died!!!!" My mom look bewildered at first but began to laugh after a few seconds as the truth of the situation hit her.
I had two grandmothers---one was sweet and kind while the other was a b***h from Hell. In my haste, I had assumed my favorite grandmother had passed away instead of the evil one.
I'm just glad none of my other family heard me say what I said.
#9
#10
Another reason people might say inappropriate things at a funeral could be stress.
Research shows that intense emotional stress can disrupt attention and memory, and lead to confusion and poor judgment.
So even people who normally read social situations well may say the wrong name or speak at the wrong time.
#11
I do love my dad though, so I agreed to go to the viewing for him. I ended up just sticking with my dads girlfriend and my sister, who also were not a fan of this guy. My sister refused to go even look at the body, obviously still pissed with him, but I ended up going up with dads gf.
Apparently she had a bit of a history with him as well because she leaned over the body when nobody else was paying attention and whispered with as much vitriol as person can muster while smiling "Good riddance you nasty old b*****d."
I started laughing. I ended up passing it off as weird grief emotions and had to excuse myself to the car.
#12
#13
At the wake she constantly complained about how bored she was, and about how my great aunt was so fat she had it coming (debatable). Eventually she kicked off her shoes and sang and danced around the funeral home, saying we were being no fun.
She gave everyone who came to pay their respects a hard time. The worst of which was some little old man I'd never seen before. She was like "Are you the one whose sled I stole when we were kids and you went running home crying to your mommy?" She wasn't joking, she was being a d**k.
It was. That poor old man.
Eventually we took shifts taking her outside for cigarettes so she wouldn't disrupt things further.
She lived on her own for a few months before it was obvious she needed constant care, and she went off to a nursing home, where she died less than a year after her lifelong friend.
Dementia is a mother f****r.
You wouldn’t normally think of humor and funerals in the same sentence, but some people, and even entire cultures, lean on it to cope or take the edge off grief.
Sure, cracking jokes at a funeral can totally backfire, but when done right, it can actually be comforting.
For example, laughing isn’t just allowed, it’s expected at Irish wakes. Friends and family swap hilarious stories and silly memories of the person who passed, turning grief into something a bit lighter, if only for a while.
Even high-profile funerals can go this route. At George HW Bush’s state funeral in 2018, humor was a big part of the service. Speakers shared funny one-liners and playful anecdotes about the late president, which helped balance the sadness with a reminder of who he really was.
In Korea, some traditional funeral rituals have historically included playful, laughter-filled moments as a way to mark a “good death.”
#14
#15
Said by my uncle with all ex 3 wives in the audience.
#16
Some traditionalists might argue that wearing bright colors to funerals makes light of the situation. But in the past decade, there’s been a rise of the “happy funeral,” with celebration becoming a well-established funeral trend.
In the UK, a survey from funeral directors found that 68% of people now think funerals should feel more like a celebration of life than just a solemn reflection.
More families are ditching all‑black dress codes and asking guests to wear favorite colors or casual clothes that reflect the person who passed away.
Requests now range from Dr Who‑themed farewells and glitter‑covered coffins to mourners turning up in football shirts instead of all‑black attire. Directors have even been asked to hold ceremonies on London buses, at castles, or in cricket pavilions, as families try to make the day feel more personal and less solemn.
These examples show that funerals are deeply personal — what’s totally cringe to one person might feel just right to someone else.
#17
Me and my younger brother are sitting towards the back listening to one of the guys tell stories to everyone about her when he gets to a part that I will never forget. He tells a story about how after she was placed in an old folks home she "escaped" and they couldnt find her for like 2 hours. They called the police and finally found her riding around in a golf cart at the local country club that was like 2 miles down the road from the old folks home.
As he is telling this story and everyone is having a nice laugh he says "I wish she would send us a sign letting us know how much she loved us"...suddenly my younger brothers phone goes off. The song it was set to? "America F**k Ya" but the part where it just starts singing "AMERRRRRICA, F**K YA!"
The entire church looks at us and as I am trying to hold back my laughs my little brother says "Its a sign from Aunt Francese, she says thank you". I was laughing so hard that I had to excuse myself from the room.
#18
#19
So. F*****g. Inappropriate. Hawk your business somewhere else, padre.
Even though funerals are different for everyone, there’s no doubt that such an environment demands its own kind of decorum.
But funeral etiquette isn’t about rigid rules, it’s about respect and sensitivity.
Here are some simple rules to follow just to be safe:
- Don’t try to one‑up someone’s grief or assume you “get it”
- A simple “I’m so sorry for your loss” or sharing a brief memory of the person is always better
- Avoid heavy opinions, controversial topics, or discussing your own grief during the service — this day isn’t about you
- Make sure to switch off or keep your phone on silent, especially during the service
- Being overdressed or underdressed, chatting loudly, arriving late, or leaving early can make others uncomfortable.
Basically, simple words and gestures go a long way... and often mean more than trying too hard to say, or do, the perfect thing.
#20
She then proceeded to march up and rearrange all of the flower arrangements so the (small, pitiful, half-dead) one she sent would be in the front.
For reference, she's in her 90s, mostly deaf, just about as high on the narcissism spectrum as you can get, and has suspected borderline personality disorder. I can't imagine why I don't call her more often.