The miracle of childbirth is a beautiful thing. And welcoming a precious baby into the world can be an extremely emotional experience, both for the parents and for the health care workers by their side. But unfortunately, not everything that happens in the delivery room brings tears of joy to the doctors’ and nurses' eyes. Every child deserves parents, but sadly, not every parent deserves to have kids.
Employees who work in maternity wards have recently been opening up on Reddit about the absolute worst moms and dads they’ve encountered. We’ll warn you right now that these may not be the easiest stories to get through, but they’re good reminders to hold your children close today if you’re a parent. And keep reading to find a conversation with author, teacher, speaker and former midwife, Rachel Reed, PhD.
#1
My work took me to a perinatal mental health unit.
There was a new mum who was an in-patient there, had the baby a week or two back, she had post partum psychosis and was currently catatonic.
Her husband had asked a member of staff when they could start trying for their second baby.
Wtf is wrong with his priorities??! He shouldn't be a parent. Or a husband.
There was a new mum who was an in-patient there, had the baby a week or two back, she had post partum psychosis and was currently catatonic.
Her husband had asked a member of staff when they could start trying for their second baby.
Wtf is wrong with his priorities??! He shouldn't be a parent. Or a husband.
126points
#2
Not an OB, I’m someone who gave birth. I heard another new mom in the same ward speak to her just born baby boy “shhh now, boys don’t cry” over and over. I could only imagine how that poor child will be brought up.
112points
#3
My OB told me the story of his saddest delivery - he delivered a baby of a 12 year old girl. On one of the postpartum rounds when he went in to check on her, she was asleep and was sucking her thumb.
109points
To learn even more about this topic, we got in touch with author, teacher, speaker and former midwife, Rachel Reed, PhD. Rachel was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and explain what it's really like to be in the maternity ward.
"Very busy and task-orientated. Over the past decade there has been increased work pressures, short-staffing and excessive amounts of documentation," she explained.
#4
Was a student nurse shadowing a community health visitor. Visited a pregnant woman who hadn't found out the gender of the baby yet. She (for some reason) told us that her boyfriend (father of the baby) had been previously convicted of sexual assault against a child under 13. The mother said it so casually, and was angry that people kept judging him for a "mistake" he made.
The health visitor was horrified, and asked if she wasn't worried he would hurt her sons (2 boys under 10 from a previous relationship). She just said "of course not, they're boys!", basically admitting this man did something to a young girl.
So health visitor asked, "what if the baby you're having now is a girl?". This woman literally shrugged and said "then I'll abort it and we'll try again until we get a boy". She said it so casually, like she was talking about the weather.
I've never been more disgusting with a human, and I hope that the children are safe.
The health visitor was horrified, and asked if she wasn't worried he would hurt her sons (2 boys under 10 from a previous relationship). She just said "of course not, they're boys!", basically admitting this man did something to a young girl.
So health visitor asked, "what if the baby you're having now is a girl?". This woman literally shrugged and said "then I'll abort it and we'll try again until we get a boy". She said it so casually, like she was talking about the weather.
I've never been more disgusting with a human, and I hope that the children are safe.
104points
#5
Not in the maternity ward but in the ED, we have a regular patient. She has had 8 kids taken away. She said she is going to keep having them until she gets to keep one.
89points
#6
When I was in nursing school a 11 year old girl delivered a 9 pound baby, this was before epidurals, she had no idea how she got pregnant, the boys used to “play doctor with her”.
82points
We also asked Dr. Reed what some of the most challenging aspects of being a midwife were. "The lack of time available to spend time with women and support them to recover from birth and care for their baby," she shared. "The demands of the institution to move women through the hospital and out as quickly as possible."
#7
Not an employee of a maternity ward but, I have a cousin who is a [user]. She's just had her 5th child. Every time she has a baby, it gets taken away from her and she literally has another one on purpose hoping she can keep that one. She's incredibly lucky that her parents (my uncle and aunt) have taken in all of her children so they can be together, but they are about 70 years old and have already raised 5 kids of their own. I actually hate my cousin for doing this to them. .
80points
#8
I mean it’s not uncommon for a woman (who doesn’t have custody of her other 3+ kids due to d***s) to get pregnant, while still doing those same d***s, and once again not get custody of the new baby. But also like refuse to go on any long term form of birth control like an IUD that would let them do d***s in peace without making more babies. Infinitely baffling to me. If you’d prefer to do [substances] over everything else and pregnancy is unwanted, why not take steps to not get pregnant?
76points
#9
OB nurse. Honestly, I’ve only seen two and both had been previously convicted of non-accidental traumatic injury to their infants, one of which resulted in death.
I think the only people who shouldn’t be parents are folks who don’t want kids or want to harm kids. Interestingly enough, that’s not always apparent until years later when kiddo isn’t a cute baby anymore.
I’ve taken care of lots of parents with substance use issues. Lots of them would never want to hurt their baby. They beat themselves up knowing that their addiction resulted in pain for their child. And lots of folks literally don’t know that their actions can harm the baby. Poor health literacy is very real.
I think the only people who shouldn’t be parents are folks who don’t want kids or want to harm kids. Interestingly enough, that’s not always apparent until years later when kiddo isn’t a cute baby anymore.
I’ve taken care of lots of parents with substance use issues. Lots of them would never want to hurt their baby. They beat themselves up knowing that their addiction resulted in pain for their child. And lots of folks literally don’t know that their actions can harm the baby. Poor health literacy is very real.
76points
Dr. Reed also says it's not the job of a health care provider to judge parents. "It is their job to support them," she explained.
"In relation to the Reddit thread – care providers have legal responsibilities relating to child safety reporting," she added. "This is not about judging parents; it is about the safety of the baby."
#10
When my son was in the NICU the mom of the baby next to him would barge in, turn on the overhead lights (which were only supposed to be on for procedures) and knock on her baby’s incubator to wake them up.
72points
#11
Paramedic here. I used to occasionally do Interfacility Transports with a NICU team (nurse practitioner, RN, and myself in the back-though they do most then heavy lifting) and so many opiod addicted newborns. I remember the first time i had to calculate a f***anyl drip for a 6lbs baby so he didn't go into withdrawals.
Can't get clean for the pregnancy, but also refuse to do anything to prevent pregnancy. It's heartbreaking.
Can't get clean for the pregnancy, but also refuse to do anything to prevent pregnancy. It's heartbreaking.
70points
#12
Well, I was a CPS social worker, but this story took place in a maternity ward. An addict mother had stayed off [substances] for a few days because she was scared of testing positive while birthing her baby. Gave birth, baby's father/boyfriend snuck some [stuff] in to her while still in the hospital, she nodded off and dropped the newborn out of her arms and onto the floor. Thankfully the little girl was ok in the end. A little bruised and some withdrawal symptoms, as well as small for her age, but I kept track of her until she was 6 or 7 and she was thriving. Her parents refused rehab or doing anything, so she was adopted very early by a great family.
70points
So what should parents know before entering the maternity ward? "Their legal rights regarding consent and to know that care providers are often following policies and protocols that may not fit their individual needs," Dr. Reed says.
#13
I know a couple who were foster carers. Roughly every year they'd get a newborn from a couple who were both on the sex offenders' register. They kept getting pregnant despite knowing that the baby would be removed by social services almost immediately.
69points
#14
I am not an employee of a maternity ward, but I did see something awful when I went to go visit my friend after she had her baby.
Her husband was just sitting in the corner of the room playing on his switch while she is recovering from hemorrhaging and almost dying, and trying to figure out how to take care of a baby.
Things got so bad they had to resuscitate her, so when we got there a few days later, she was still looking horrible.
When she was changing his diaper, I could tell she had never changed a baby’s diaper before, let alone a boys diaper.
I tried to warn her about how boys can pee, but it was too late, and the baby peed all over her.
My husband and I are trying to help her out and get a nurse to come get her changed, and her husband is still sitting in the corner playing on his switch and ignoring everything.
When the nurse got in there, my friend eventually snapped and yelled at her husband to help her. Me and my husband and the nurse just awkwardly looked at each other.
I can’t imagine how many times nurses have to see situations like that. It would p**s me off so bad.
Her husband was just sitting in the corner of the room playing on his switch while she is recovering from hemorrhaging and almost dying, and trying to figure out how to take care of a baby.
Things got so bad they had to resuscitate her, so when we got there a few days later, she was still looking horrible.
When she was changing his diaper, I could tell she had never changed a baby’s diaper before, let alone a boys diaper.
I tried to warn her about how boys can pee, but it was too late, and the baby peed all over her.
My husband and I are trying to help her out and get a nurse to come get her changed, and her husband is still sitting in the corner playing on his switch and ignoring everything.
When the nurse got in there, my friend eventually snapped and yelled at her husband to help her. Me and my husband and the nurse just awkwardly looked at each other.
I can’t imagine how many times nurses have to see situations like that. It would p**s me off so bad.
68points
#15
Not an employee, but a parent.
January of this year, my child had to be lifelined to a specialised children's hospital. While we were there in the PICU, a young baby (6 months old, I believe) arrived and was placed in the private room next to ours. Didn't think anything of it at first but then noticed all the police. CID was there the whole nine yards. The parents weren't allowed in the room unsupervised at all.
After a day, we heard a commotion from one of the other side rooms, and it was the mother getting irate over being questioned when she did nothing wrong. Later on, it's the same thing but with the dad. The next day, a woman turned up with two other children. They were this baby's Auntie and siblings. Let's say they didn't keep their private conversation very private, and everyone in there found out why that little baby was there. The baby had several fractures and breaks. Two days later, both parents were escorted out of the hospital in handcuffs.
Read a newspaper article a few days after that the other two children were placed into foster care. They had medical histories of "accidents," too.
Those two people should never have been parents!
January of this year, my child had to be lifelined to a specialised children's hospital. While we were there in the PICU, a young baby (6 months old, I believe) arrived and was placed in the private room next to ours. Didn't think anything of it at first but then noticed all the police. CID was there the whole nine yards. The parents weren't allowed in the room unsupervised at all.
After a day, we heard a commotion from one of the other side rooms, and it was the mother getting irate over being questioned when she did nothing wrong. Later on, it's the same thing but with the dad. The next day, a woman turned up with two other children. They were this baby's Auntie and siblings. Let's say they didn't keep their private conversation very private, and everyone in there found out why that little baby was there. The baby had several fractures and breaks. Two days later, both parents were escorted out of the hospital in handcuffs.
Read a newspaper article a few days after that the other two children were placed into foster care. They had medical histories of "accidents," too.
Those two people should never have been parents!
67points
Dr. Reed added that we still have a long way to go in improving maternity wards. "Maternity systems were not set up to support the individual needs of mothers and babies. They were set up to support the needs of the institutions," she explained. "One-third of women leave their birth experience traumatized. We need care that better supports women and new families, rather than pointing the finger at a minority of parents."
#16
Not really the gist of the question but at a house party a gal who was so drunk she couldn’t stand up and nearly burnt holes in the furniture with her smokes and bong announced, in a comically loud stage whisper, that she was a few months pregnant but not to worry because she’d already scheduled an abortion.
The entire room heaved a sigh of relief, given she’d already had four other children seized by the state. Then someone asked why she didn’t just use birth control. Her answer? “You can’t prove that stuff works and also I’m not going to pollute my body with hormones.”
Wow.
I feel sorry for her remaining eggs.
The entire room heaved a sigh of relief, given she’d already had four other children seized by the state. Then someone asked why she didn’t just use birth control. Her answer? “You can’t prove that stuff works and also I’m not going to pollute my body with hormones.”
Wow.
I feel sorry for her remaining eggs.
60points
#17
Not a medical professional but my baby was born premature and spent a little over a month in the NICU. It was the hardest thing I've ever experienced. My wife and I were fortunate enough to be able to do shifts and care for our little guy almost around the clock. The baby next to us was born the same day as our son and looked to have a similar experience with needing a ventilator and oxygen. To my knowledge, not once in those 34 days did he have a visitor or anyone to hold him and comfort him besides the excellent nurses there. I think about that baby a lot and I really hope he graduated and found a home with people who will love him a great deal.
56points
#18
Not who you're asking but my husband's mother was 40, morbidly obese, an alcoholic, and barely not homeless. She had miscarriage after miscarriage and was found to have a uterine tumor the size of a football but she begged them to let her keep at least one ovary so she could keep trying to have a baby even though he would 100% for sure be very preterm because she didn't have enough uterus for him to grow in. The guy who finally gave her that preterm baby was someone she met in a bar that God told her would give her a baby. They were told my husband had an extremely high chance of never walking, talking, or learning to use the bathroom but that was okay because his mom really wanted a baby. Even if he was basically a baby forever. Looking at the photos, I find it hard to believe the people who brought the apnea monitor and other medical equipment didn't have an issue with how cramped or cluttered the room was. The only reason my mother-in-law ever even got this house (that's 100% my husband's now as it should be) is because of some program for low-income mothers of high-risk infants. Thankfully the doctors were wrong about my husband being disabled, unfortunately that means my MIL's religion was proven right in her eyes.
56points
#19
My daughter had a bunch of medical problems as a baby and was hospitalized at 4 days old and we were on the paediatrics floor, her chart read failure to thrive ( she was loosing weight despite having an ng tube and her blood pressure kept dropping g randomly). Every shift change a nurse would happily burst in the room and was shocked a parent was there. After the third day I asked and they explained that failure to thrive almost always meant the parents were not caring for the baby. So the assigned nurse knew they would have a great shift of cuddling a baby (because they know that cuddled babies thrive better). It made me sad to realize that people would leave their kids for days, even weeks because they didn’t want to be there. I can understand if they have to work, or only single and have other children. The nurse’s explained this was not often the case.
56points
#20
Not an employee but a good friend of mine has adopted two babies from the foster system who are half siblings (no idea who the dads are but they have the same mom). The mom is in her 30’s and has had 9 babies now. Shes a sex worker and d**g addict but whenever she finds out she’s pregnant she does something to go to jail where she gets clean and gives birth. Last baby she had him alone in her cell and just left him on the floor while she went back to bed. Thankfully guards found him before he froze to death. He’s the most gorgeous 3 year old now. They know where 5 of the 9 siblings (all adopted) are and keep them in touch with one another.
50points