“Needless To Say, He Didn't Get The Job”: 30 Wild Job Interview Stories Of People Aiming High

Years ago I had to interview somebody for a frontdesk position at our vacation rental company that was the most brutally honest person I've ever met in my entire life. There are just some things you try to avoid discussing during a job interview, if you can avoid it, but I almost wanted her because she was so honest (and she was actually very nice).

We had standard questions we ask in every interview. One of them is "If there's one thing you could improve upon, what is it?" Her answer? "Well, I'm not the most punctual person in the world, and I'm frequently late for my job."

*Okaaaaay*...How about driving record? "I've gotten a couple speeding tickets, and I currently don't have insurance on my car."

*It slowly gets worse*... Do you have any felony convictions in the last 10 years that haven't been expunged by a court of law, blah blah (and we've never had anybody actually answer "Yes" to this)? "I have a felony possession of a stolen weapon on my record, but only because I was the lease holder on the apartment that the gun was found in, and it was my old roommate's gun."

So we gave her an application to fill out, and she gets to the part on the form where it asks if they'll consent to d**g tests at random intervals, etc... . She asks how often they would be, and we said that she'd probably get one in her first 90 days, and then randomly thereafter. "Sorry for wasting your time, but I wouldn't be able to pass," and she sets down the application, says a polite goodbye and leaves our office.

I have to say, that was the most entertaining interview I've ever sat in on.

I once interviewed a woman who kept flirting with me, touching me, telling me how she was willing to do *anything* for this job, wink wink, etc. She was sort of attractive, but I sure as hell wasn't interested. Then came the clincher:

Me: "What made you leave your previous position?"

Her: "My boss fired me because I gave him herpes.".

"I see here on your resume you have a masters degree, what was your thesis on?" said I.

"Uh, huh huh, thesis?" said he staring blankly at me.

"You know the paper you had to write to graduate." I replied.

"Oh, ah, it was on the keyboards. They're important for computers." He said.

"So what exactly did you research about the keyboards?" I replied realizing I had a faker on my hands, but unable to resist how far the farce would go.

"I, ah, got my friends to type and I watched them, then I could tell how to improve, ah, efficiency and ah quality." he answered.

"So what statistical method did you use to demonstrate the improvements in efficiency and quality." I asked.

"I ah, recorded some numbers and made sure that they typed different then ah, the numbers got better." he replied.

"So just how did the numbers get better?" I continued.

"Ah, the numbers got better quality after I researched. My thesis went well, I could type faster after that." he replied.

"Name some data structures you studied in school getting your masters in C.S." I asked.

"Ah, masters in C.S.? Oh, yeah, masters in C.S., we studied data and it was structured in orderly ways." he replied.

"So name an order." I asked.

"Alphabetical." he replied.

"Very good." I replied.

I looked at my watch, the fun was over and I wanted coffee. I announced the interview was over and ushered him out with all required pleasantries. I think he would have went all day .

Heard this from a friend:

Interviewer: So, what do you think are your strengths?

Girl: My strengths are... my mother and father.



Interviewer: How about your weaknesses?

Girl: Uhm, honestly...



Girl: ... chocolates.

Interviewing a woman. I asked her what her weakness was. and her reply was .. UMMM Shoes??

she was hired by the way.

Another horror story. I co-founded a freight company with a friend in another country, we were basically shipping goods back and forth, and through a couple of other countries using export duty arbitrage. We needed a driver who could travel from Le Havre in France to Piraeus in Greece, drop off some stuff and head back. After interviewing several people we have this Albanian guy come in for an interview. He tells us about his experience hauling freight but something's not quite right (for example, when we asked about routes he kept avoiding Germany and wanted to go up through Romania, whereas most of the other people I interviewed opted for better roads as they were given time bonuses), so my business partner pulls a favour with the French police and it turns out this guy was part of a smuggling gang, where they'd use legitimate vehicles to smuggle immigrants and track women. We were an ideal target because depending on his route he could pass through up to 6 (although with our timescales probably 4) pick up and drop off points.

Needless to say, he didn't get the job.

After a nice hour long interview with one of the best candidates, he asked if he could speak with us for a moment about the lord. This guy wanted to recruit us to be JW.

Oh god, I have a million. Most recent was a guy who filled out his application via texts from his mother. He would take a picture of the question on the app and she would text him back the answer. He took an hour to fill out a two page basic application.

Probably won't be seen, but have to share.

Job Requirements: Specific technical acumen; client-facing skills

Interviewer: Me

10:00 AM - Busy day, so I skip meeting to review resume. Looks fine except for NSFW email address.

11:00 AM - Guy doesn't answer phone. Voicemail message is recorded by a girlfriend or relative and says something about John and his cat not being home. I start to get concerned but leave friendly message anyway. "Call me back directly if you get this in the next few minutes, otherwise just call the main office and reschedule for another time."

2:00 PM - Phone rings. I don't recognize the number and say "hello it's Nick".

"Uhh, yeah, I was, umm, sleeping. I'm on medications for my disorder and..."

Me: "Wooah there. Is this John? Umm, any medical conditions aren't my business, but I do have a few minutes to talk now if you'd like" (anticipating it will be short).

Him: "Yeah it's just for voices but it makes me sleepy and I had my lights off and, yeah, umm, so..."

Me: "Anyway, I was told you're interested in this technical position. Can you talk a little about your last position on your resume and your role in the project?"

Him: "Well I really didn't work in that, I just watched someone do it"

Me: "Umm, so could you tell me what technology or framework was used?"

Him: "I think it was.. uhhh"

* I put my head down as he speed-rambles for another minute, waiting for a break to end the call *

Him: "...so now you've seen me at my worst, I guess. Do you think I'll get the job?"

Me: (thinking *wtf did he just say?*) "Uhh. Well we're looking for someone experienced in X technologies, and it doesn't really sound like you've worked in it. I'd hate to waste both of our time here so I'd just like to thank you for calling back and wish you luck in future searches."

Him: (screaming) "NOOOO! That's not true! I'm really great in other stuff? What can I tell you to get the job?!"

Me: "Sorry, but I'll have to let you go now. I'll pass along my review notes and if we find a good fit for your skill set, we'll give you a call back."

Him: "Oh! Good. How long will that take?"

*le click*.

We asked a lady who had come to interview for a position as a teacher's assistant what her experience was. She replied "well I used to be a child, so I do know about them".

One of my favorite moments came when I was interviewing someone for whom English was not their native language, and I think something got lost a bit in the translation.

I asked a required question of the job: "Are you able to lift 30 pounds unassisted?"

His reply: "Yes...I am a man."

It was difficult to keep a straight face after that one.

During an interview we asked the candidate for an example of when they had to do something which was out of their comfort zone. She replied with "On a night out last year I drank way too many shots and had to have my stomach pumped. That was really uncomfortable.".

I a co-worker were interviewing applicants and my co-worker asked what kind of animal they'd like to be. The applicant said a cat, because they're sneaky and can get away with stuff.

Then there was the guy who wrote his application letter in purple crayon.

I used to be a receptionist for someone who did short pre-screening interviews for people applying for entry-level jobs. They were supposed to be like 5 minutes and she would just ask them questions about their experience after they finished filling out the application.



There are some really dumb people who came in for these but one guy in particular stands out for pure cluelessness. She asked him the 6 or 7 questions, and then she tried wrapping it up and he just didn't understand that the interview was over. English was his first language and she was trying to be polite saying "I have no more questions" and "was there anything you wanted to ask me?" but he would not leave.



He just sat there in the chair looking dumb. She even left her office for and came to talke to me for a bit and he just sat there staring into space. Even after she was a bit more direct he wouldn't leave, eventually she just took his arm and said "okay you have to go now" and led him out. It was ridiculous.



He didn't get a second interview.

I had a guy show up in a t-shirt and jeans to a developer interview. He didn't look as if he had showered, wasn't nervous at all, knew barely any coding, and said he couldn't start for a month because he and his band were going on tour. We didn't hire him.

In high school, one of my girlfriends went in for a job at Ralphs, when asked why she wanted to work there, she responded, "I like food". She was hired and came to be known as food girl.

I was a manager of a video rental chain store in a city that is built around a college. We hired a majority of college students whose parents wouldn't support their drinking and d**g habits, but some people were single parents living in the outlying area.

One girl told me in the interview that she was a recovering alcoholic and needed the job for probation. She was drunk at the interview.

A huge burly guy came in and during the interview told me that he needed the money for a new engine for his truck. After he had it, he was going to quit.

Another kid admitted that he was fired from his last job for stealing movies. It wasn't on his application.

The best was a college student that came in and was a well known d**g dealer. He told me that he needed the paycheck to cover all of the stuff he was buying with his d**g money. I ended up hiring him... because of the slim pickings in the area, and his references at other jobs (although only 3 month spurts) were great. He ended up being a great worker and the District Manager wondered why when she offered him the job as my Assistant Manager, he kept turning it down. And he only wanted to work 3 days a week. When I left, he was still there and from what I hear, he used that experience as a Shift Lead (he did accept that eventually), his business degree and his experience as a "entrepreneur" to land a job in some other city in finance.

One time, a woman showed up for an interview wearing the most ridiculous outfit I've ever seen. Her sandles were so high I don't know how she was able to walk, and her fingernails and toenails were that waaaaay-too long and creepy (I don't mean those regular fake nails, but the 2+ inch long ones) type with the little dangly charms on the tips. Her makeup was actually not that bad, just a little heavy for daytime wear. Her skirt was so short and tight that I was able to notice that she wasn't wearing underwear and I remember to this day that she was wearing a red bra with little white hearts on it. The interview was a formality and a waste of time. It was pretty obvious from the moment she walked through the front door that she wasn't family-restaurant material.

Skills mentioned on the CV matched my hiring requirements exactly. Jackpot! So I invited the guy to interview.

At the interview, when asked to demonstrate these skills - ie. write a snippet of code - and the guy starts saying how he didn't really use those skills in his old job but some of his colleagues did and then pushes a bound thick mass of printed source code across the desk to me. Turns out this is a printed copy of his old company's application source code.

I was about to burst out laughing when the smoke alarm went off and the building was evacuated. I basically told him we'd call him another time if we wanted to talk to him again and he went home. Saved by the bell, literally.

Coworker of mine was interviewing a junior developer for a job writing web performance testing code. To gauge the dude's interest in the field, my coworker asked what the guy liked most about the internet. The guy said "p**n." Then he realized what he had said, panicked, and asked my coworker not to tell anyone he had said that.

I mean, it's the right answer, but not in that context. He didn't get the job.