This Online Thread Is Dedicated To Shaming Parents That Cross The Line With Their 'Helicopter Parenting' Behavior (30 Answers)

We spoke to Dr. Rosina McAlpine, a parenting expert and creator of the Win Win Parenting Program. She shared her thoughts on the term "helicopter parenting" and what effects overbearing parents have on kids: "Having labels like 'helicopter parenting,' 'bulldozer parenting' or even 'free-range parenting' isn't a helpful place to start the conversation for two reasons:

1. Based on the thousands of parents I have worked with, parents love their children and are well-intentioned, so calling them derogatory names or labeling them as one kind of parent or another isn't helpful to them or their children.

2. We need to understand that parents are thrown in at the deep end when it comes to parenting - no manual comes with the child - and there is so much pressure on parents to be 'good parents' even though they may have had no training in child development or parenting and not have the skills they need to raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted children."

Dr. Rosina continues: "A better approach that is helpful to parents and children is to look at the Win Win Parenting approach, which is based on parenting with empathy and education rather than discipline, rewards and punishment. The key is to establish a strong relationship with the child and to teach them all the life skills they need to thrive in the world. So when we look at the pros and cons of helicopter parenting from this perspective, we can see that having a helicopter parent around to ensure our children are safe in the world - that they don't run on the road as a toddler and don't go down the wrong road - as a teenager, then it's a great approach."

"On the other hand, when helicopter parenting stops children from learning key life skills because the parent is jumping in and doing everything for the child - then we can say that it would have a negative impact from childhood through to adulthood.

The aim of parenting is that parents do themselves out of the job of parenting and are left with strong, healthy relationships with their children - a lifelong bond! Parents need to support their children to gain the knowledge and understanding and develop the skills of how to thrive in the world without their parents, as parents are not always going to be there to 'tell them what to do'," explains Dr. Rosina.

Dr. Rosina also shared how she thinks growing up with helicopter parents shapes someone once they become a parent. Are they likely to repeat the same behavior, or go in the opposite direction and take a more low-key approach to their own children?: "It can go either way, do the same or go the complete opposite - and I have seen both - but again, more importantly, we need to help parents forget about the labels and instead look at the impact it has on children. I encourage parents to ask themselves and write down what their vision for parenthood is and their vision for their child."

Dr. Rosina explains: "I don't think any parent would say: 'I want my child to rely on me for life and not be able to make their own decisions and life choices!' No way, right? Parents will generally say something like: 'I want my child to grow up and be happy, fulfilled, kind, make a positive contribution in the world, have friends, be resilient, tenacious, be cooperative and go for their goals.,' etc.

My next question is: How will you help your child be able to do all that? To develop those skills and to understand how the world works, etc., and that's where the life skill education comes in."

Dr. Rosina McAlpine also has some advice for adult children of helicopter parents who are now raising their own kids and trying their hardest not to instill the same kind of anxiety in their kids that was instilled in them at a young age: "Focus on the skills you're trying to foster. How can we foster resilience, confidence, and emotional regulation? Supporting resilience - once parents have the skills, they can support their children to develop the skills.

Encourage your children to ask for help. Accept and share their feelings. Talk to people who have overcome the same challenge. Take action to overcome the challenge or difficulty. Focus on the good things in life - not just the challenges. Discuss examples where your child has overcome obstacles in the past. Accept life has ups and downs. Positive self-talk rather than negative self-talk. Focus on solutions, not problems. Teach a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset."

The parenting expert also shared why she thinks some parents have the instinct to overprotect. Is it a projection of their own anxieties, or does it come from a true place of love in wanting to keep the children safe?: "It is both. Parents have a natural instinct to protect their children and to 'parent' them. But little by little as a child is ready, parents need to help them find their own way in the world, and that can be hard for parents who hear so much 'scary news' when it comes to toddlers drowning in backyard pools, children being bullied online and offline, to teenagers taking drugs and drinking alcohol. That is why teaching life skills is so important so children are ready for whatever the world throws at them!" says Dr. Rosina.