"Left Her Boyfriend To Be With Me": 50 Red Flags People Wouldn't Ignore In A Partner Again

He threw an absolute fit at the quality of hummus in a Lebanese restaurant. Like, threw food around the table, yelled at the poor waitress, then stormed out without paying. Then we went to a pub and he was asked to take off his hat AND OH DEAR LORD was that a mistake.

I was recovering from an abusive relationship so this guy was...differently bad...which was apparently OK?

I eventually had to block him (and his many, many alts) after he accused me of abuse and threatened to call the police. He had read The Ethical S**t and decided that he was poly and that I had 'abused' him through mutually agreeable monogamy.

I now have a good therapist and self esteem.

It was a very short relationship, but early early on we were at his folks and standing around the kitchen. His dad was headed to the store he asked his dad what he was going to the store for and his dad was like “oh some things, milk, bread, I’ll probably pick up something for dinner” in the most average and normal tone of voice. I nod. The guy I was seeing explodes and goes “I was just asking!!!!”. My head spun around. I was so confused. How could anyone have interpreted his dad’s calm nonchalant grocery list as a personal attack.
In hindsight how unphased his dad seemed should have indicated this wasn’t a rare occurrence….

Rage. Sudden outburst of rage.

Financial_Neck832: This was a red flag I ignored, too. 'He had a bad day,' or 'Wow, he hates this person & is so angry, this person must've wounded him deeply.' "

Nope, he was just an abusive narcissist. He liked getting angry, hurting others, and making people afraid. It was how he controlled people and situations so everything would go his way.

I'm glad I got the hell outta that marriage. Steer clear of ragers, it's not a phase.

When his football team lost so he went into the kitchen and smashed every glass on the floor.

He told me his previous exes found each other and formed a support group 😅.

Mine happened on the very first date. He said he was late because he was having trouble finding parking. He later told me he actually walked to the place from his nearby apartment. Sure, we all make innocuous white lies, but all he did was lie the entire relationship.

When I met his friends they all told me I could do so much better. If he was genuinely a good guy his buddies wouldn’t be trying to give me a heads up.

He turned into a serial cheater and gas lighter. It was always everyone else’s fault and not his and everyone just made up lies about him “just because.”.

His friends kicked me out of a road trip because he didn’t tell them I was coming. He didn’t stand up for me and left on the road trip anyways.

Dismissive comments about my interests seemed minor until they became a pattern.

MrGrumplestiltskin: Yes, this one! I wore dresses a lot and like the color pink. I was always told that was "too girly" (even though I'm a girl, I was meant to think badly about liking this color). I started dating a high school best friend and he told me "I don't like cute things" while also telling me how cute he thought I was and how he liked bending down to kiss me. It was confusing. He didn't like girls who wore dresses or hyperfeminine (which I am both). He didn't like being romantic and made fun of me when I kept flowers he gifted me. Being dismissive or even ridiculing things is such a huge red flag.

Everything I liked and enjoyed he would make fun of me and take the p**s. I was young (18/19) and had never had a relationship before. I was very much in love with him too. I felt like I was sad and pathetic. So I stopped doing what I loved and wouldn’t tell him anything.

I’m 29 now, and never been in another relationship as it seriously changed me. I’m getting back to myself. I know 10 years is a long time but, I’m accepting that now. I now do what I love. I read, I write, I paint, I water colour. I am happy and content again. I feel like I’ve got myself back. It took years for me to accept myself again because of this boy.

(I remember he made me go on a d***s run, because he said “no one will think you have anything and you’ll be fine, just go get it and come to my work” when I did that for him he said ‘thank god you’re a f*****g nerd’ … I was stupid and stayed with him. He used to cry after sex and say how good I was & I used to be so confused. He ended it by cheating on me and telling me ‘you look nothing like the girls I wanna f**k at work’

It changed me. I’m now a single 29 year old trying to get by life and regain myself and my happiness.

He threw a bottle of beer at me so hard and fast the bottle cap stuck in the wall. I should have left and never gone back. Yes it got worse, yes I got out eventually.

Relentless pursuit after I rejected him. We are taught to think that pursuit means they are interested in us and that it’s romantic to be chased. But really, it’s a red flag that highlights their inability to respect the word “no”.

After 5 years of an emotionally abusive relationship, I always paid attention to that.

She literally tried to break up with me and told me she was bad for me and I convinced her she wasn’t. Turns out she was right. I was in that relationship for 6 years and married her. Most traumatic relationship of my life and took years of therapy to undo the damage. People will tell you who they are in many ways and you need to listen.

Honestly I think I was the problem in my early relationships. I grew up with an abusive mom who told me she should have aborted me. And I think that f****d me up for a long time and I wasn't the best partner. Or the best version of me. I didn't purposefully hurt anyone but I can't say I didn't.

His parents kept telling me that “You do know he has anger issues, right??” And my dumb a*s was like “It’s OK! I love him!”

Those anger issues were a huge part of our ultimate breakup. When someone’s family members warn you about their negative qualities (barring unusual circumstances, like toxicity within the family), LISTEN TO THEM.

He was so sweet and shy when we met. When he told me his doctor diagnosed him as a sociopath. I was like "aww no youre not". Anyways, it wasnt long after that he started beating me. He was in fact, a sociopath, and he literally told me but my dumb a*s was like, nah.

The first red flag was that they rejected my feelings and concerns. I should've paid more attention to that.

Dismissed their constant need to control everything as just “being protective”.

Being told he'd worried I wouldn't be 'intellectual' enough for him, but not to worry, because I'd passed.

First thought at the time was "bell-end". Definitely should've trusted those instincts...

She gave away her dog of six years because he got sick (before I met her). Didn’t really stop and think how insanely f****d up that is. Makes me hate her thinking about it.