If you've ever been to more than a single stand-up comedy show, you'll quickly notice that first dates are a common, never-ending reservoir of great comedy content. After all, it's a mixture of satisfaction (and a good dose of vitamin C) derived from this universal little thing called schadenfreude (or a "pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune") and our unfortunate ability to relate to their hilariously absurd dating experiences.
Just like a horrible hangover or a gut-wrenching brain freeze, a first date from hell is like a rite of passage that connects most of us love seekers. But no matter how disastrous it all was, after reading this list of increasingly degenerate first-date stories compiled by Bored Panda — there's a slight chance you'll start seeing your first dating experience, no matter how traumatic or embarrassing, in a completely new light. Or, at least, you'll get a good laugh out of others' love-seeking misfortunes.
#21
We saw a couple that was black and white, and he expressed disgust. I said they were cute. He said he doesn’t believe in “races mixing.”
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239points
#22
It was my first and only blind date which a mutual friend of ours set up. She arrived and parked in a disabled space, got out of the car telling me she uses her nans disabled pass which didn’t sit well with me but carried on anyway. We went bowling and to dinner, she was really rude to the service staff in both places which I found embarrassing and uncomfortable. Cut the dinner short, paid, left and never saw her again.
230points
#23
To start he was nearly 30 minutes late to the restaurant, blamed “traffic” for being so late, even though we don’t live in a city. He was a little drunk when he turned up (but I can understand if he was a little nervous beforehand) I ordered a meal and he ordered 3 beers for himself.
After he downed a few he the proceeded to tell me I was a 7 out of 10, and to get to a 10 I should get plastic surgery so I can be a model. I told him repeatedly that I was happy with the way I looked, but he kept going on and on about what I should get done.
After I’d finished eating I said I’m going to pay for my meal then head home, he wanted to go to the bar & convinced me to go with him. I ordered a drink then turned around to see him leaning over a couple of young ladies, who looked pretty uncomfortable, so I put my drink down and left. I sent him a text the next day saying it isn’t going to work and blocked him.
One week later I get a call from an unknown number and it’s him mum, she tells me about how he came to visit her and told her all about me, and how happy she is that her boy has finally found someone, then invites me to dinner, which I turn down.
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228points
#24
After walking around a stadium so he could take photos of lampposts (?!?) we entered the stadium after the match started. When we got in, I told him I didn’t drink and he bought me a beer and I told him I was a vegetarian but he wouldn’t let me buy the snacks instead ordering two hot dogs over my head. When we got to our seats, I wasn’t eating and he shouted at me to “eat the hot dog!!”. I left immediately making an excuse about getting a text.
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222points
#26
He had a go at me for giving the homeless person outside the bar some money, then proceeded to rant about the ‘scum’ on the streets, I didn’t even finish my first drink before saying I didn’t think it was going to work out and leaving
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215points
#27
Nice and simple. A nicegirl gets it out of the way early.
"I guess I better tell you that I'm going to expect you to stop talking to any other girls you might have in your life."
She then explains yes, everyone, no she's serious, she gets jealous easily.
210points
#28
I walked into a glass panel really hard and got hurt and he laughed. Everyone else at the restaurant got up to check on me and he just guffawed like an a*s. I told him I hope he’s find what he was looking for elsewhere and bailed.
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206points
#29
We were at a club and he kept running into attractive women he knew but apparently had not seen in awhile. I overheard him lament to a friend, "I never see any of these ladies until I'm here with a date, then I can't do anything! Why do I have to have a date here TONIGHT of all nights?!" I had him take me back home so he could "Go back and enjoy all the women he NEVER runs into."
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204points
#30
When he asked me out and I said yes, he then asked if I’d like to go to dinner and what kind of food I liked. I said anything but sushi.
He took me to a sushi place. Said he thought he’d be able to change my mind.
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203points
#31
He got so belligerent wasted before our date and he proceeded to treat all the service staff including our cab driver like absolute trash. They wouldn’t serve him alcohol at the restaurant bc he was so wasted. This was our first date…. At an extremely fancy restaurant. I was appalled.
I wanted to show my face at the restaurant again. I dipped half way through and apologized vehemently to our server.
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195points
#32
Well everything was great at the bar and I was actually super excited.... agreed to go back to his just so I could wait long enough to drive home since I had a few beers showed me his Bills-themed basement bar (we're Buffalo) and honestly it was fabulous. Put the game on and just lounging around his fancy football man cave, I felt 100% at home and at-ease since he was not physically hitting on me at ALL. YES! A NORMAL DUDE!!
Then eventually we started kissing and fooling around slightly, he started saying "Do you love me Mommy? Tell me you love me Mommy" and sh*t like that and I literally pulled back and gave him the side-eye and said "WTF are you doing, thats not a turn on, love." Then he told me he has a Mommy kink and likes "his women to take him on shopping sprees" and the motherf****r made 3x more money than me.
I left.
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192points
#33
On a blind date he said, “I’m surprised you’re so average looking”.
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181points
#34
I found out he was married.
Listen, if polyamory or open relationships work for you, that's great. However, lay that out RIGHT AWAY when you're talking to someone. Don't wait until you're actually on a date to be like "by the way, I'm married."
Of course the guy just SAID he was polyamorous, idk if he actually was or if he was just trying to cheat on his wife.
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181points
#37
She had already put our pictures through one of those "what would your baby look like" apps and started talking about how we would raise them.
173points
#38
Went on a date with a guy because my friends pestered me to give him a chance because he was “nice”. He negged me the entire date, he insulted my degree and he kept looking at the woman next to our table. I said “nope!” and ghosted him.
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172points
#39
It was an awesome date up til the point I left. We went out to dinner, saw a concert, then went clubbing. We were dancing and having a great time. I went to pee and grab another drink, and this MF saw someone he knew and was looking at her lovingly then kissed her. I saw it go down from the other side of the club. It felt like it was out of a movie for a minute.
Luckily I was living in a city and my friends were in that area so I just shifted bars and had a good night.
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171points
#40
He ordered just a plate of fries. Picked up a fry, took a few bites until he got to the end he was holding, then dropped the end piece on the ground. Every time. For each fry.
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169points