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According to childhood independence expert Lenore Skenazy, modern society is structured in such a way that parents almost inevitably start helicoptering.
“Schools expect parents to drop off and pick up their children—at least here in America they do—and they often expect them to stick around for ‘Reading Buddies’ and various class events. Then, after school, if a child is not in some extracurricular activity or sports program, there may not be any other kids left to just play with in the park,” she explained the situation to Bored Panda.
“So even the non-helicopter parent ends up enrolling their kid in a sport or activity, too, and sometimes they are required to stay and watch, and sometimes the sport meets five days a week! And after that, there’s a lot of homework the parents are expected to oversee, and reading time, and teeth-brushing supervision, and pretty soon an adult has been by the child’s side, directing their every move, for most of the day.”
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Lenore stressed the fact that helicopter parenting has become such a norm that trying to do things differently, the old-fashioned way, can land someone in trouble for supposed neglect.
“When a parent really wants to raise a ‘Free-Range Kid’—a kid with some old-fashioned freedom to do things like play outside or even help out by running an errand—they worry that some busybody with a phone will call the cops to report a neglected child! So I don’t blame parents for helicoptering. They are forced to by the way our modern world refuses to believe kids can do anything safely or successfully on their own.”
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However, it’s not a done deal that we have to resign ourselves to a future chock full of helicopter parents. Lenore shared some spot-on advice with us on how to change the situation and create a healthier, happier family environment.
“The best and I think ONLY way to stop helicoptering is to gently push parents into letting go, even one time, so they can see how fantastic it feels to them AND their kids. That’s what The Let Grow Project makes happen,” she said.
“The Project is an independence-building program for schools created by the nonprofit I run, and it’s free! Any teacher, counselor, or principal can download The Let Grow Project right here. It’s basically a homework assignment teachers give their students that says, ‘Go home and do one new thing on your own, without your parents.’ The kids, anywhere from age 5 through 15, then talk with their parents about something they feel they’re ready to do but haven’t done yet, like walk to school, go to the store, climb a tree…you name it,” she went into detail about the Let Grow Project.
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“The family agrees on a Project and off the kid goes. The parent is uncomfortable for a little while and probably the kid is too. But when that child comes BACK—flushed and happy and proud—it breaks the ice of fear in BOTH generations! The parent is thrilled to see their child blossoming into a competent, confident young adult. The child is thrilled that their parents believed in them.”
Lenore shared with us this 2-minute video about “elementary school kids talking about their Let Grow Projects and parents saying things like, \Now my daughter is having the kind of childhood I had. She DOES things now, she’s not just on a screen.’”
Meanwhile, another 2-minute video shows three teachers talking about how the Let Grow Project helped kids get back to normal after all the disruptions of Covid. “Finally, here’s an ‘at home’ version, The Let Grow Independence Kit, for parents to download, too. It’s free, too,” Lenore shared some resources that can help boost kids’ independence and help helicopter parents change their ways.
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He's 40.
And an attorney.
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“The key is for parents to get over the terror of worrying ‘What if???’ and see reality—’What IS?’ The reality is that kids can do a whole lot more on their own than our culture gives them credit for. Their newfound independence will make your heart soar!”
Previously, Bored Panda spoke about parenting with blogger Samantha Scroggin, the founder of Walking Outside in Slippers. She explained to us that it’s vital that parents see their children as individuals. That means recognizing their own unique needs and giving them room to grow.
What’s more, it’s important to keep in mind that not all parenting advice is universal: what works for one family might not work for someone else’s kids.
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“I am trying to do more to meet my kids where they’re at, figuring in their personality and what their needs are for them personally. In the past, I would sometimes assume that I knew what was best for my kids, based on what the ‘average’ kid ‘should’ need or want. But kids can be so different, even within the same family,” the parenting blogger told Bored Panda during a previous interview.
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“My 6-year-old daughter, for example, is very organized and a bit of a perfectionist. She also needs lots of attention and affection. While my 10-year-old son is a sometimes wild but also very sensitive and artistic soul. He needs his space. They are night and day,” Samantha shared a bit about her children.
“I have learned I need to adapt my expectations of them and goals for them based on their individual personalities and quirks. I can create space for them to be who they are, and I believe this acceptance and customized attention will benefit them in the long run as they develop into teens and then adults.”
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