Everything in moderation is considered a golden rule for a reason, as too much of anything can have detrimental consequences, even if stemming from the best of intentions. The same goes for parents’ care for their children, which, if unlimited, can turn into excessive control and preoccupation, also known as helicopter parenting.
A redditor under the moniker ‘__hey__its__me__’ has recently asked their fellow netizens to share the worst cases of helicopter parenting they have ever seen; and share they did. The redditors’ stories covered everything from parents listening in on children's phone conversations to tying their shoes for a decade longer than they probably should have, and beyond. If you’re interested in more examples of such parenting, scroll down to find them on the list below and see just how involved some moms and dads are in the lives of their children.
Below you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with professor of psychological science at University of Mary Washington and an expert in helicopter parenting, Holly H. Schiffrin, PhD, who was kind enough to share her insight on the topic.
#1
My brother was injured in a training accident in the Israeli army. It wasn't life threatening but it was a pretty messy injury that needed immediate care. For some reason the base commander tried to hide the injury and refused to send my brother to the hospital. Instead he sent him to the camp medic who took one look at my brother and said "here, have some morphine and holy god I'm going to call for help". My brother asked him to call my mom. My mom, a military police major at the time, commandeered a helicopter along with a squad of MP's. She then flew up into Lebanon where my brother was based, landed in the middle of his base, ordered her way into the medical tent while setting the MP's outside as guards, loaded my brother into the chopper and evacced him out. To be fair, she's a great mom who usually lets us fail on our own, but you asked for helicopter parenting examples and it doesn't get more helicopter parent than actually commandeering an armed helicopter to go take care of your son!
425points
#2
My mother is the worst helicopter parent to ever exist. She creeped me out, she was so bad. She, like many parents on this thread, never let me go ANYWHERE. Once I got my first real boyfriend (my now husband), it legitimately almost k****d her. We (her and I) fought all of the time about everything my boyfriend and I did. I had to ask if he could buy me tampons (with his own money and I didn't have any with me). I had to ask if he could buy me a shirt I liked (nothing crazy, some anime shirt). I was only allowed to see him once a week (only on the weekend and almost never on Sunday), never EVER twice a week. I had to text and give updates the entire time I was out. His house (our house now) had the worst signal ever so texts hardly ever came through or went out so she was constantly driving from my house to his to check up on us. Outside of her issues with my boyfriend, she would make random visits to my highschool to watch me eating lunch. She called my teachers every single day to write down what I did in class, what the homework was, and what my grades looked like. She bothered them so much that several of them pulled me aside and told me they were concerned for my well-being. For a while, unprovoked, she made me get every teacher to sign my planner at the end of every class every day so she knew I was going. (I never skipped class in highschool. I only skipped one period once in 7th grade and learned really quickly to never do that again.) Instead of telling me how to shave my pubic hair, she made me lay in the bathroom floor, at 14 and shaved me herself. She kept track of my period (which has always been on an abnormal schedule) and, whenever it was close, she would accuse me of being pregnant, threaten me, and tell me she was going to force me to take a PT and abort my baby if I was. This happened long before I was ever thinking of sex. She randomly popped in on me in the shower OFTEN, she tried to teach me how to put a condom on with my mouth, did daily bedroom searches, checked my text messages (she would see how many were in my inbox and then go check our bill online to see how many it said I had sent and received and if they didn't match, she would beat me and take my phone and make me break up with my boyfriend). There is a lot more crazy helicopter s**t she did but this is already super long. No, we don't talk anymore. We got in a physical altercation when I was 17 and she kicked me out so I moved in with my boyfriend, married him, and had some babies. Lol.
175points
#3
Not really one instance, but many from the same parent. Cutting food for a 16 year old. Explaining the menu over the shoulder of said 16 year old. Using the word “pee pee "for said 16 year old. Checking his Instagram and starting a conversation about it at family dinner, of said 16 year old. This was in 2 hours, yesterday. Cringe.
105points
Prof. Holly Schiffrin pointed out that according to some research, helicopter parenting affects four main outcome areas, including the child’s psychological well-being (the level of anxiety and depression, for instance), their behavior (for example, alcohol and drug use), their social and relational skills (such as romantic relationships and friendships), and their academic performance or career goals.
“By far the most research has been conducted on the psychological outcomes and there are very consistent findings (although almost entirely correlational) that helicopter parenting is associated with more anxiety and depression as well as less satisfaction with life,” Dr. Schiffrin told Bored Panda.
“The primary explanation for this relationship that has been examined has been self-determination theory, which states that there are three pillars of everyone’s well-being including autonomy (being able to make your own choices), competence, and relatedness to other people, and helicopter parenting seems to undermine all three of the concepts.”
#4
Family member changed her daughter's menstrual pads until she was 17. Complete babying until she graduated from high school. Daughter so immature it made my hair hurt. Then, family member demanded child get a job and start paying some of the bills like house payment, utilities and car payment. Daughter moved out at 32.
104points
#5
I knew a person who basically was so unprepared that the university basically assigned her a social worker to help her navigate life. She was brilliant but her mother made running her daughter's life her raison d'etre. Because of privacy laws the Uni couldn't legally tell the mother anything which made her go ballistic and had to be removed several times from the campus in the early morning for trying to break into the dorms.
I met her in college where she was volunteering at (I worked in the office) with the life skills classes that basically helped her put her life together. She had to graduate a year late because of all the remedial work she had to do. She did her master's degree and PhD in Europe (she had citizenship through her dad) and then moved to some little village in the middle of nowhere, simply to get away from her mom. Her mom's still looking for her over a decade later, telling everyone that will listen that her father kidnapped her and is keeping her child form her.
101points
While discussing how helicopter parenting affects a child’s well-being by undermining the three concepts identified by the self-determination theory, Dr. Schiffrin provided an example that such parents often make choices for their children, this way reducing their autonomy.
“They also do things for their children that they should be doing for themselves, which reduces the opportunity to practice skills and develop competence, as well as sends a—likely unintentional—message that the parent doesn’t think the child is competent enough to do it themselves. Both of these dynamics seem to negatively impact how related the child feels to the parent and others.”
#6
Grandma feeding 13 year old so he doesn’t have to interrupt playing his ps3.
93points
#7
My cousin’s MIL coddled my cousin’s husband so much that when they arrived home from their honeymoon, his mom was there in his kitchen making dinner because she was “the only one who knows what her baby likes.” (Spoiler: nothing containing any type of fruit or vegetable, which have never crossed his lips because if he didn’t want to try it he should never have to).
She also still goes over to their house before every vacation to pack his suitcase for him. Because a 35 year old award winning teacher and
father of two couldn’t *possibly* know how to pack his own suitcase and obviously neither could his wife.
She also still goes over to their house before every vacation to pack his suitcase for him. Because a 35 year old award winning teacher and
father of two couldn’t *possibly* know how to pack his own suitcase and obviously neither could his wife.
92points
#8
I went on a date with a girl, about an hour after the date ended, I get a Facebook friend request from BOTH the mother and father. Didn't go on a second date since it freaked me out and she saw nothing wrong with it.
84points
The parenting expert continued that the next most studied area has been the way helicopter parenting affects the child’s academic performance; however, research has provided mixed findings, as some studies suggest there’s a relationship between helicopter parenting and academic engagement, success, and entitlement, while others do not.
“There have been a couple of studies looking at careers, which have found maladaptive workplace responses to hypothetical scenarios as well as weaker vocational identity,” Schiffrin told Bored Panda.
“A newer focus of research has been on behavioral outcomes, which have typically found that the emerging adult children of helicopter parents engage in more risky behavior such as alcohol and substance use, sexual coercion, as well as video game addiction.”
#9
My former college posts their little police blotter on Facebook. Not that long ago, they posted with a story about a parent who saw that his daughter snapchatted with a boy at 2am from her dorm. Supposedly, this angered her father so much, that from the time of the post until around 10am the next morning, he kept trying to call his daughter, but she wasn't answering the phone. So what does he do?
He calls the university police, and reports that she's "missing."
So they basically do a welfare check on her and the story ends with "the student contacted her father."
I commented on the Facebook post, said something like "Dad's just upset that his adult daughter's hooking up" or something. A man who appeared to be in his 40's/50's, angry-emoji'd my comment. I like to think that this was the dad.
80points
#10
Interviewed a guy fresh out of college for a job once, and *his mom* called me for a follow-up a few weeks later.
80points
#11
In high school the mother of one of my classmates asked people on facebook to pray for her oldest son because of his p**n addiction. Idk if that is helicopter parenting but it was definitely weird.
74points
“The least researched area would be the social and relational outcomes,” Prof. Schiffrin pointed out. “The few studies that have been conducted tend to show a negative relationship between helicopter parenting and relationships with the family of origin, friends, and romantic partners, for example, a desire to stay single or to postpone marriage. However, this area could definitely benefit from more research.”
#12
My best friend got married last Saturday. After the reception in the afternoon she had to lie to her parents. She said was going to go shopping with her new husband, but really she went back to his house. They told her to be back to their house in two hours. It was infuriating to witness.
74points
#13
Meet F. She is now 18, and her parents struggled to conceive for several years before finally managing to have their 'miracle child'. From the day of her birth, their lives would revolve around protecting F from any possible danger that could come to her.
F was the kind of child who would cry at the slightest negative comment by a teacher, or the slightest jeer from another student. During primary school, that wasn't too out of the ordinary, but it did signify how she was a little too molly-coddled at home. She always had jam sandwiches, a mini roll, BBQ hula hoops and an orange for her lunch. Every now and then she would have a banana. She has exactly the same lunch in 2018, and the same hairstyle she had back then; an ultra long brown ponytail.
For my eighth birthday we hired a bouncy castle for the garden and had all of my friends over. She was invited because yeah, she was one of my friends. However, her mother refused to leave her in the care of my parents. Instead, she insisted on staying and monitoring the party, much to the annoyance of my auntie, who wanted to some her cigarettes and chat with my mum in peace. Of course, when F bounced a little too hard on the bouncy castle and started crying, her mother was quickly there to save the day. This is what happens when you don't let your child experience little minor grievances like scraping their knee or bumping their head. They cry at anything.
During middle school, we went by bus to the local high school to use their Design & Technology equipment by bus. Oh, but not F. F's father insisted on picking her up from the middle school and driving her to the high school, which was ten minutes away, just in case the bus driver had a heart attack or tried to kidnap us all. Every time she walked past the bus to get to her father's car, she would be laughed at and mocked.
Now F is attending sixth form, and has an unusually close relationship with her media studies teacher. As in, she and another student are constantly in this room, acting like his personal assistant. Again, this is what happens when a child is overly-attached to their parents. They always need a parent figure.
It's a pity, because F has missed out on some fantastic opportunities. The school offered her the chance to visit London for an animation course, but her parents wouldn't allow it. She also missed out on a trip to Berlin for the same reason, and will be attending a local university, despite her actually wanting to venture out into the great wide world. F has never been out with friends. She has never been to our local city without her parents. In fact, I don't think she has actually been more than 5 miles away from her parents at any given point. This is an 18 year old girl we are talking about.
I hope that one day she will finally rebel and break free from her parent's control, but I doubt that will ever happen.
69points
#14
Called off because her 17 year old son was home sick. Like single day sick, not hospital sick. I thought it was lie, but no she really doesn't let her 17 year old stay home alone.
62points
The influence of helicopter parenting on the mind of a developing child seems to be evident, but it’s not only kids of young age that such parents tend to coddle. Sometimes their involvement can be too much even after the child has become an adult, which can be a difficult thing to explain to a helicopter mom or dad.
“In terms of letting parents know that their involvement is too much, I think that the more this is discussed and parents are educated about it the better it will be,” Holly Schiffrin suggested. “Parenting this way is stressful and exhausting to parents; however, I think they do it because they genuinely think that they are helping their children. If they can come to understand that these helicopter parenting behaviors are not helpful—and may be harmful—it would give them permission to step back and parent differently, which would benefit their children and themselves.
“This type of parental education could come through articles, parenting books, pediatricians, psychologists, parenting sessions held by preschools or public schools, college orientation sessions, and similar ways. If a parent hasn’t gotten the message through these sources, then an emerging adult child may need to have a more direct conversation with their parent to express how helicopter parenting behaviors impact them and how they would like their parent to support their autonomy instead.”
#15
I have a friend in his late 20’s whose mom won’t let him use Facebook, takes away privileges for minor things, and won’t let him go out for more than a few hours on his own. I’ve met the mom, she’s very controlling, and yells at him about every tiny faux-pas.
61points
#16
I had a friend who's mom was extremely invasive with her friends' phones. Her mom asked if she could use my phone to book a hotel (I had data and it was 2007 so she had a slow computer) so I said yeah since you have to be "true to your word" when you're a Christian, apparently.
She later comes back with my phone asking if my mom looks through my texts. I say no and she comes back with, "well she should. I just read a few of your texts and you're swearing, talking to boys, and also telling your mom to call so you have have to stay here. It's appalling" I was devastated. Being in 7th-8th grade I did swear, I didn't talk dirty to boys even though I still have conversations with them, and sometimes my friend would just be a straight up b***h and I would want an excuse to go home.
I was friends with her all through high school up until my second year of college. I do miss her a little, but since I don't go to church anymore (which was drama and a half) her and my other "friends" don't want to associate with me unless I go to 20's group, a bible study, and become involved with church again. I remember they taught "spread the love of Jesus, but only stay in the "Christian" group". This doesn't speak for other churches/religions it may just be that the church is extremely exclusive with who they associate with.
57points
#17
Not the worst case, but it always baffles me when I see a 17/18 year old walk into a job interview with their parents, not to sure how common this is but I’ve seen it happen a few times.
56points
#18
I was raised in a Mormon household by the parents that were the perfect Mormons. Always volunteered for camps and conferences and anything to do with the youth group. They did this so mom could keep a paranoid eye on us. I go to college an hour away and have to update her constantly on where I am. I have to ask permission to do anything with friends several days in advance and hope she doesn't get pissy. To this day, at 22 years old, I still have a curfew. We live in the middle of nowhere. Her favorite threat is to take away my phone. My only communication with outside of buttf**k nowhere. My only way to talk to the few friends and girlfriend that actually get me. I was homeschooled all my life so that's literally the only social life I have. She calls to check on me at random times and I better answer otherwise she freaks out and I hear about it for days. Last time I slept through my alarm and woke up to my grandmother having broke into the house to scream at me. (Mom was staying with her that night.). She monitored my average mph for several months and would bring it up if it was even slightly high. I've never been allowed to go to any sort of event with my friends that wasn't some churchy b******t. And even then she had to chaperone. Constantly reminds me and bro to not have sex with anyone before marriage. I've been on exactly 1 date... that she knows of. Powerpuff girls, Pokemon, KND, SpongeBob SquarePants, and Rugrats were all banned from our TVs. Songs had to be pre-approved to be put on MP3 players. I always felt left out of pop culture. I didn't get a phone until I was 17. When she didn't like how my best friend and I were talking, she banned me to three messages to her per day. And those messages had to be pre-approved before sending. She still threatens to read my messages occasionally. I have never tried alcohol, never went to a non-mormon prom (dateless prom doesn't count, it's lame and you all know it), only once got to go to a slumber party that wasn't within 3 minutes, and she made it extremely painful when I was trying to sign the lease to an apt. God I can't wait to move out.
56points
#19
Idk, the Mom who came and ate lunch with her sons and sat in class with them until they were in 8th grade, and broke through a police barrier during a lockdown to get to her son is definitely up there. The dad who came to every single cross country and track and field practice, prohibited his daughter from talking with other athletes, and coached her and exclusively her at practice until the administration told him to f-off is a close tie. When said administration told him to stop he verbally and physically assaulted the school Athletic director and immediately switched his daughter to a different school. Idk man.
55points
#20
I was coaching a high school wrestling team. Every week we’d have wrestle offs for the varsity spot. Well this one week a kid who barely had people in his weigh class wrestled off against a new transfer to the school. He lost. After the match was awarded he went to the bathroom to cry it out. Not five minutes later a minivan screeches in to the parking lot. I look outside and here comes the losers mom. She entered the room and demanded a meeting with the coaches. We told her it wasn’t going to happen we were in the middle of practice. She stormed out and went to the principle. He explained that we would all be meeting after practice.
After practice the show down began. We pulled out our team standards and practices paper work of which she and her son had signed. This was enough for the principal so he left. The mom spent the next 20 minutes arguing that her some deserved the spot more for a bunch of b******t reasons. So we suggested another wrestle off the next day( we knew he was going to get his a*s kicked again, the new guy was really good) and suggested she come watch. The next day she was there the whole practice and watched her son get worked.
A few years later I quit coaching.That was my first intro to helicopter parents and won’t be my last.
52points