“What I Came Home To Was Startling”: 43 Stories Of Truly Awful Boyfriends And Husbands From May

I (38F) walked in on my fiancé (43M) cheating with a woman (48F) that we both know. This woman is also married. Would it be right or wrong to inform her spouse? If I were him I would want to be told. But I realize some people are happy living in denial or ignorance and wouldn’t want to deal with the challenges something like this would ultimately create.

So I’d like opinions on if I should talk to her husband about it or not…

Hi, I (29f) have been with my bf for 9 months. I have 3 daughters from my previous marriage and he has no kids.

Bf (26m) was telling me that his step dad was going to pass away soon and he asked that my bf help his mom take care of his 3 little siblings (all under 10). He was freaking out because he has never been a dad before so I offered to help him but he replies "you will never meet my mom". I was confused and shocked. I asked why and he said, "well its because of how you and your ex raised your kids". I ask for him to elaborate and this is what he says, "Because you are raising your kids in a mixed family and there is research showing that mixing kids causes a 30% chance of birth defects. Plus you're erasing your culture while mixing 2 cultures together like a melting pot". My ex husband is Native American/ Mexican. I am German and I think Polish but was adopted/raised by my family (Mexican/Spanish) since I was 2 months old.

We get into a HUGE scientific argument. I end the discussion by saying he is believing Pseudoscience and I wasn't going to discuss this further. Then I ended the relationship. I said I can't be with someone like that. He says he loves my kids and doesn't blame me because I brain washed into thinking race mixing is ok. Our friends are calling me crazy for leaving him and saying he can do better because I am being childish. Am I childish or is he being racist???

(Small update) Due to people saying I should drop my friends too, I slid into our discord VC and talked to 2 of them who were up. I asked why they thought I was childish and there reasoning is because "if you get with someone, youre supposed to make them better, so if you have an issue with his beliefs because they are 'immoral" you need to help him change for the better". I left the discord after that chat.

(Update) I blocked him everywhere and I woke up to people on Facebook telling me an account (him) is sending messages to call CPS on me because I'm [mistreating] the kids and I'm letting my ex (their dad) SA them.

Looking to rant and for any advice on next steps.

Me and my husband have been splitting the nights. He takes the baby from 8pm-12am and then I have him from then on. He has fallen asleep multiple times during his shifts where I then have to take over when I hear the baby screaming. He will not wake up for the baby crying at all so he tries to stay awake for his whole shift.

Then last night, my husband left a pizza in the oven for over 2 hours while he fell asleep, during his shift. The baby was in the bassinet in the kitchen screaming when I woke up. The kitchen was filled with smoke and my husband was soundly asleep on the living room couch. Upon waking him up, he didn’t even realize what was wrong and insisted it wasn’t a big deal. I was so upset and angry. The baby was breathing in smoke for at least an hour and the oven was close to catching on fire.

The baby is fine after monitoring and my husband says he understands the severity of what happened now. He has apologized and assured me it won’t happen again. I still feel very upset and I definitely don’t trust him.

Has anything similar happened to you? I’m not sure what to do next…

On Monday, my husband and I got into a big argument over cleaning supplies I asked him to help pay for because I was short on money that week. He said they were unnecessary, and the argument escalated. During the fight he called me ungrateful and said I’m a bad wife. I then said he was greedy and selfish. He got so mad that he ripped up plants I had planted that morning and later tore apart the flowers he bought me for Mother’s Day and threw them in the trash. I was shocked and upset, especially while caring for our 4-month-old baby who started crying during everything.

I felt unsafe and emotionally overwhelmed, so I packed a bag and went to my mom’s house with the baby. He watched us leave without saying anything or trying to stop us. It’s been a couple of days, and he still hasn’t checked on us, apologized, or tried to talk about what happened. I feel strongly that I need communication and accountability from him before going back because I’m always the one who breaks the silence and tries to fix things. Am I irrational for wanting an apology before returning home? How can he not even check up on his baby?

Update: I came home to grab more clothes, he didn’t say a word until the baby started crying he said “let me hold her” I said no. He got mad and said that he sees where this marriage stands, he said I’m the abuser and that I’m using the baby to manipulate him. He said I abandoned him. He took no accountability and remorse and said he ripped my plants because I disrespected him.

I (33f) was in the hospital for three days. I had surgery for a dental abscess and some extractions. I had been dealing with significant tooth pain for about a week prior so I hadn’t been on top of cleaning the house. It was messy when we went to the ER and I didn’t expect to be admitted but what I came home to was startling.

The house was not cleaned a lick while I was gone. Not a dish was washed or a surface cleaned. Almost all of our dishes were dirty, both sinks and the counter full of dirty dishes. Nothing was put away, it sat in the spot it was left in. Crumbs and food on the couch. It was a pigsty and that feels like an understatement. It was disgusting.

My boyfriend (34m) says he shut down from the stress and worry and I want to be understanding but gosh I feel so hurt.

Last night he promised to make it up to me and help me get the house cleaned up. I wasn’t feeling well, took some medicine and went to bed. I even texted him to remind him that he promised to clean up. This was at 7:30.

He didn’t clean a thing. He [messed] around watching something on his phone for a while he went to sleep on the couch.

We’ve been together five years and this is sadly a pattern for him I think. Similar things happened when i had health issues in the past. even if I just go out of town for a few days, he just does….nothing.

He always promises to get better but this obviously is going to continue to be a pattern.

How do I make him understand?

I’m at a loss for words. I don’t know what to do or say. My birthday is tomorrow, and I just want my home to feel like home.

tldr; had dental surgery and my boyfriend let the house turn into a trash heap, now I'm stuck cleaning it all up.

I have been seeing this guy for about three months now. The relationship moved quite fast - we've been sleeping together, I frequently stay over and we took a getaway to the mountains. I was slightly hesitant to date him because of the 12 year age gap between us but I decided to give him a chance. I was growing really fond of him and the connection we shared.

Well, this morning, I was fiddling in his house and I came across his passport and decided to glance at it. He is 52. Not 38. He's been lying to me about what was a 12 year age gap, has now become a 27 year age gap. I feel sick to my stomach.

I confronted him and he immediately admitted it, claiming it was a small lie that snowballed at the start and he didn't know how to tell me because he wanted me to give us a chance.

I feel deceived, used, lied to and very stupid. I guess my question is how do I handle this moving forward? I like him but this feels like too much - the age gap, the lies. My emotions are all over the place and I don't really know what to do. Thank you in advance for any advice!

I (25F) been dating my boyfriend (28M) for around 1 year and 4 months. We dont officially live together but honestly he is in my apartment almost every single day now. He sleeps here maybe 5-6 nights every week, showers here, eats here, bring his gaming setup here sometimes, even his work clothes are in my closet now.

At first I didnt care because I love him and wanted him around. But lately it's starting make me feel stressed because my bills got much higher. Electric, water, food everything. I live alone and my apartment is small so I notice it alot.

The problem is whenever I try talk about money he gets weird and defensive.

Last week I asked if maybe he can help a little with rent or bills since he stays here more then his own place now. I tried say it very calmly. He got quiet first then started saying relationships should not feel “transactional” and if he starts paying then its “not romantic anymore.”

What confused me is he actually makes more money than me. Not crazy rich but still more stable. He buys expensive shoes and spends money on games and eating outside with friends, so its not like he is struggling.

Then yesterday something happened that made me more upset.

I came home from work and saw he invited 3 friends over to my apartment without asking me first. They were drinking beer, using my TV and ordered food with my account because he “forgot his wallet.” I got angry and after his friends left we argued badly.

He told me I’m acting like landlord instead of girlfriend.

I asked him then why does he act like my apartment is free hotel.

Now he barely talking to me and saying I embarrassed him.

My older sister (31F) says I already let this go too far and now he feels entitled to my place. But one of my friends (24M) says maybe he just got comfortable and I should have made clearer boundaries earlier.

How do people usually handle this when one partner slowly starts living at the others apartment? Is asking for rent/bills normal in this situation and how do I bring it up without making relationship feel like business deal?

We both work from home and currently I’m watching our 3 year old during the day while I work and he makes quite a bit of noise. I try to tell him to be quiet but he’s only quiet for so long. This issue is I was reached out too about a job opportunity within my company. I will be training new hires in the summer then in the fall and spring I will be a supervisor.

I will be going over PowerPoints and systems with the class and I will also be on camera and I think it would be unprofessional to have children making noise in the background (I also have a 7 year old that will be home for the summer). It will also be hard to step away and get snacks and juices or help them with what ever they need. I also think they need attention which I will not be able to give them for 8 hours.

I asked my husband if we can get child care just for the summer because in the fall my 3 year old will start vpk. He got angry and said no we don’t need that. I then asked if maybe his parents can watch the kids for a little bit since they are retired and he called me stupid and said that we shouldn’t be relying on others to help us and we need to figure out ourselves. I asked him if he can watch the kids then since he doesn't want to get child care and he gets mad.

I need to figure out how I can get him on board with child care. I will only need someone to come and watch them for a couple hours a week for 5 days.

I don’t understand what the big deal is. Advice please!!

Last night my husband and I went out with friends while my family watched our son. I rarely drink anymore, especially since becoming a mom, but we were out celebrating and I was dancing with one of my girl friends. Her gay cousin came up behind me while we were dancing and before I could even fully turn around, my husband shoved both of us hard enough that we ended up on the floor.

My knees are scraped up from it even through my jeans. While I was on the floor he said, “play stupid games, win stupid prizes,” which is something he says when he’s angry. My friends rushed over to check on me. I looked at my friend’s cousin afterward and the look on his face honestly broke my heart because I’ve seen that exact look on my gay friends before after dealing with aggressive men. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed of my husband’s behavior.

When I got up, I grabbed my phone to text him, but he had already texted me saying the same thing: “play stupid games win stupid prizes.” I asked where he was and he was already driving home on the freeway, leaving me there. I had to call my sister to come pick me up, and my dad and younger brother came too.

Then my husband called my dad and lied, saying someone had pulled a gun on him and that’s why he left. That never happened. My friends are genuinely good people and there was no situation like that. My dad ended up blaming me because I had been drinking, which also hurt because in my family drinking as a woman/mother is looked down on. Meanwhile, my husband drinks way more often than I ever do and usually I’m the sober driver.

Today is also my mother-in-law’s birthday and I didn’t go because my husband told me he’s “not ready” to be around me. He still hasn’t apologized or acknowledged what he did.

This is the first time he’s ever physically shoved me like that, but emotionally I feel like I’ve been here before. I’m exhausted trying to make things work and constantly praying he’ll change. I feel like he keeps showing me that he won’t.

I honestly don’t even know what I’m looking for posting this. Maybe perspective. Maybe validation that this isn’t normal. I just feel hurt, embarrassed, and tired. How do I move forward after something like this? I obviously want to stay together for our three-year-old, but I also can’t ignore what happened and the fact that he still hasn’t apologized or taken accountability.

For the past few days, I have been thinking very hard about my relationship and if I want to call off our engagement due to how unfairly my fiancé views money and finances.

We both had really good paying jobs, and we used my income to buy our first home and a pretty nice SUV before having our baby. Unfortunately, I was just laid off while on maternity leave (which was already unpaid). He makes enough to cover our bills on his own for this short period of time, but he still expects me to pay half of everything…. when I have no income. I am obviously applying to as many jobs as I can, but I still deserve a maternity leave. Right?!

I asked him to send me money so that I could go run and get groceries, but he told me no and went get the groceries himself! He will not give me money for literally anything other than a bill and he watches me pay it on my phone. I grew up with my whole family being stay at home wives and mothers and never once have I witnessed a man refusing to give their wife money.

Considering that my income bought us a house and a brand new family vehicle before I got laid off, I can’t help but see that this is insanely unfair.

Been together for 10 years. He’s gotten way more disrespectful and rude since we had our son.

Anyways. We’ve fallen into the dynamic where I have to orchestrate almost everything in terms of house chores, toddler care, etc. so I am seen as “the nag,” because most of the time he is unreliable at looking around and being proactive about things.

Whenever he is slightly annoyed with me (which is about 95% of the time - he is majorly irritable literally all the time these days) he straight up ignores me. Won’t reply at all. Doesn’t say a word.

“Can you please refill xyz when you’ve use it all up?”

Radio silence.

“Can you please change him into his jammies?” Etc etc

Radio silence.

I eventually say “did you hear what I said?” And he snaps “YES I friggin’ heard you!” and I say “well, you didn’t reply at all, so I was just verifying you heard me.”

He does this in front of our child all the time. He is almost 2.

Tonight I said straight up (after dozens and dozens of other times over the years) “if I speak directly to you, I need a reply. You are teaching our son how to treat everyone else around him, and I won’t tolerate that at all. Be respectful, reply to me when I speak directly to you”

And he said “oH mY gOd WhAt WoUlD pEoPlE tHiNk iF I HaD aN aUdIo CLIp Of YoU rIgHt NoW!”

And when I pointed out that what he’s doing is not normal or respectful or okay, he told me “what about what you just did!? You’re such a gaslighter!” WHAT I JUST DID was ask him to finish what needed doing in the kitchen before he went to bed, because I was just about to go to put our toddler to bed.

What should I even do here? I feel so unbelievably disrespected and the fact that he does it in front of our child is not okay with me.

We do not have money for therapy.

TLDR: partner completely ignores me when I speak directly to him in front of my child. What should I do?

My fiancé and I were together for 4 years, around a month ago we broke it off due to fundamental issues with our relationship. We lacked respect for each other and treated each other as roommates. He moved out and was planning on getting his own apartment. We wanted to work through our problems and see if we could be better for each other. Things were going well, we were talking and going on dates and things felt really nice.

Around 2 months ago before the split I got a routine pap smear, they called me yesterday to tell me I had an abnormal pap smear and was positive for HPV. I immediately called my partner and told him I had the virus. He was very upset and accused me of cheating. I am not sure if he or I had the virus first but he has had much less sexual partners than me so I feel like the blame is on me.

After he did some research of his own he told me it can be dormant and flare up randomly so he no longer thinks I cheated on him but he said he does not want to put him self at risk for cancer because of the HPV. He said this is the universe making sure we stay a part from each other. He no longer wants to be with me because of this.

I respect his decision to end the relationship but I cant help but feel like he hasn’t done enough research on the virus. It is very common and he is making me feel like he is disgusted by me. We went from being so in love again to this and i’m having a very hard time coping with it. I’m not sure if it is even worth asking him to do more research on the virus since I want to respect his space.

How do I cope with him leaving me over this? I just want to feel better about the situation.

Hello everyone,

So here's the deal. I (34F) am now eight months pregnant and my husband (31M) and I were talking about our birth plan and he casually mentioned that he would be getting a paternity test done on the baby. We have been together for five years, married for 1. I asked him why he thinks he would need to get that done as I've been faithful to him through our entire relationship. He said he just wants to get it done as proof that the baby is his, but I told him he doesn't need to get that done, it's just an unnecessary step and to be honest it would be humiliating for me to have all the nurses judging me while he gets a paternity test done for no reason. I asked him not to do it and he came back with "why, have you cheated?" To which the answer is no.

Now I don't know what to do. I'm already going to be going through a lot of emotions having this baby and I didn't want to go through the embarrassment of the staff judging me when he asks to get a test done. It makes me feel like he doesn't have any faith me or respect for my honour as a faithful women amongst the hospital staff. I don't want to be remembered as the woman whose husband asked for a paternity as soon as the baby was born. I want to be remembered if at all as the loving couple who had a great delivery. This would honestly leave such a bad taste in my mouth over the whole birth of he asks for that. I don't know what more to do.

So my boyfriend never washes the dishes while I cook or even help to clean up after cooking. Honestly I find it tiring to cook and wash dishes.

He lets them pile up for a week and doesn’t bother cleaning them up until the dish becomes messed up. One time it lasted 3 weeks and eventually he cleaned them as he promised.

I told him this bothers me and he always says he will wash them. I do wash my plates and cups but his always stay there.

Lately I have been frustrated with the amount of dishes staying there including mine and his.

I purchased 100 paper plates, 40 wooden forks and 150 plastic cups. He was visibly annoyed by it saying that it was “ lazy and disgusting”. I told him what I find disgusting is how you constantly leave your plates in the sink which can attract cockroaches and pests in the longterm. I am sick and tired of seeing plates especially when he promises to wash mine so he can show how grateful he is for the cooking.

I told him that from now on I won’t be cooking or washing any dishes whatsoever.. Now it has been 3 weeks of zero home cooked food, takeaways, ready-made food and ramen noodles. I guess we both won’t budge on our principles. I think I might start making salads to be healthy at least. I feel really unhealthy.. It feels like I am living in a bachelors house.

Basic info: I am 33F, he is 35M. We have been together 7 years and have lived together for 5.

Hot take: Saying "we" is not always romantic. Sometimes it is an easy way for him to commit my time without asking.

Example: I enjoy cooking and meal prepping - it is my main self-care routine. When friends ask about a get-together, he will say things like "We can host," "We will bring food," or "We can help you set up" before he checks with me. He does not mean it in a nasty way. He likes being helpful and social, and he assumes I will be fine because I usually manage this stuff.

What actually happens is I end up rearranging my weeknight, planning the menu, shopping, cleaning, and doing the emotional labor to make everything run smoothly. If I look stressed, he tells me I should have said something earlier. The catch is I never got a real chance to say yes or no because it was already promised.

I want concrete advice on how to stop this pattern in the moment without starting a fight or making it sound like I do not like his friends. What short, specific phrases would you use when he says "we" in front of other people? And what boundary would you set going forward that is clear but not controlling?

TL;DR: Partner [35M] says "we" to commit us to hosting or helping, and I [33F] end up doing most of the work. I need scripts and a clear boundary to stop it.

TW: Miscarriage

I 22F had a miscarriage at 7 weeks in June 2025. I still haven’t fully gotten over it.

I’m always thinking about it, some times more than others. I’ve been depressed since. I just feel so empty. Like I have a huge hole that I can’t really fill.

My husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage and we have them every summer since his ex moved out of state.

They (his kids and sometimes his mom too) go on a week Long Beach trip with their grandparents every summer. My husband was unable to go at first because he had no PTO. He never has PTO by the end of the summer so he usually doesn’t go. I had my miscarriage the week they were gonna go, we both got bereavement from our jobs so he decided to go on the trip now that he was off for the week.

I was really upset at him for leaving me. I moved here to be with him so I had no family and was alone at home that whole week. I was so depressed and miserable. He also just didn’t really care in general. I didn’t want him to be upset but it’s like he didn’t understand why I was. He said he didn’t really have an attachment to it and it was so early in he didn’t think it mattered. I don’t know it just hurt.

We argued about it. He said it was important to him that he go because my miscarriage made him realize he should spend time with his kids that were alive. He said those exact words. I told him I was just hurt that he left and he didn’t even think about me he said that him staying wouldn’t have stopped me from miscarrying.

We made up, he said sorry eventually. He said he understood me. It just been hard to trust/rely on him or completely forgive him.

I’m feel like it feels like it’s just me now, not recovering from it. Do I need to just move on?

My husband (48M) and I (43F) have been married for 25 years. For our anniversary, he made a public post celebrating it, and on the surface, it looked meaningful and thoughtful.

But in real life, there was no acknowledgment, no conversation, and no shared moment between us. I was never told happy anniversary, never given any words or gestures that day. Instead, I was left sitting in silence while seeing a public version of our marriage that didn’t match my reality.

I feel hurt, invisible, and confused about what this means for us and where I stand in this relationship.

We’ve been together for 4ish years. We were literally in a mccdonalds drive thru which made this feel more ironic. He randomly pulls out his phone and goes “wanna see this picture of this really fat soldier?” (He’s in the military). At fist I was confused and I was like what do you mean like a picture you took? He says yeah and he’s scrolling thru his phone to find it. I said absolutely not. Told him I don’t understand why he was showing me that and started questioning why he was taking pictures of random people. I asked if he’d been showing it to other people and he said yes.

This fr MORTIFIED me? Like you’re taking photos of other people and showing them to people around them snd making fun of them for being fat? What the [hell]? It made me so sad for that other person and disgusted that my partner would do that. Never in our 4 years did I think my partner would bully someone? And then he just did? And it kinda feels like my entire perception of him has been a lie? I’m not sure what to think. It grosses me out to imagine myself with someone like that like why am I lecturing u abt why it’s not right to take photos of someone to show others to laugh at. This has really been bothering me and idk how to even approach a conversation about it or what I’d say? Kinda makes me just want to walk away?

TLDR my partner took a photo of someone who he thought was fat and was showing it to other people, making fun of them for being fat. I found out bc he asked me if I “wanted to see some picture of a fat guy” he took. Conversation or break up???

My book club was reading Project Hail Mary and decided we would go to the theatre to see the movie. We invited spouses - some came, my husband did not.

Now he saw the trailers and some scenes from the movie and asked why I didn’t tell him what it was about. I replied that I told him when I invited him that it was science fiction written by the same author who wrote the Martian, a movie he saw and liked. He said that he wasn’t paying attention to me and thought it was going to be a chick flick and that I should have explained better. I thought I was pretty clear. I am a little irritated that he admitted he tuned out, he is irritated that I didn’t make him listen. So who is TA here?

Edit - my husband and I have been married for 49 years - we have very different interests. He made the assumption, to his detriment, that it would be a movie he would not be interested in, and now I have made sure that he knows the plot and make sure I play YouTube clips of the movie which kind of spoils it for him (yeah, I am that kind of person). I can assure you that he has other redeeming qualities. He just sometimes assumes it would not be of interest to him, and then has “buyers remorse” that I didn’t convince him it would be worth his while. My response is, and always has been, that I can only bring a horse to water, but I cannot make it drink.

I 25F and my boyfriend 23M got into an argument because I won’t show my bank account. He says it’s childish and weird. 1.) We have been together for 5 months 2.) It’s none of his damn business? 3.) I feel like it’s a control thing, like if I show him my bank account and it’s lower than his he’d feel like he has some sort of power over me. Also I’m black he’s white I have always been taught not to tell anyone your financial business- I’m not trying to pull the race card but there’s obviously a difference in our backgrounds. He’s not my husband what the hell do you wanna see my account for? He says because he shows me his but never once have I asked him to show me his bank account, he’s always the one showing and telling how much he has. AITAH.