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An 85-year Harvard study determined that the positive relationships you cultivate in your life have a huge impact on your longevity, health, and happiness. They make you more resilient to stress. However, you have to be intentional about investing in these relationships while also steering clear of people who make you feel awful.
“Relationships affect us physically. [...] To make sure your relationships are healthy and balanced, it’s important to practice ‘social fitness.’ We tend to think that once we establish friendships and intimate relationships, they will take care of themselves. But our social life is a living system, and it needs exercise,” CNBC writes.
In other words, you need to be intentional with your relationships. Be honest with yourself about the people in your life, how much time you’re spending with them, how they make you feel, and then adjust as needed so you thrive, not just survive. You might realize that there’s only a handful of real friends in your life and a bunch of acquaintances who drain you with their chronic negativity. Spend more time with the first group of people and less with the rest.
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Wellman was kind enough to shed some light on the importance of positive relationships, and how we can all invest in our social fitness more like we'd ideally want to. "The empirical evidence pointing to the well-being-boosting benefits of positive relationships is almost overwhelming; it's a good nudge to prioritize social interactions, even when we're pulling our hair out with work and other life demands," she said.
"I like the FITT model when thinking about social fitness (or any other kind of fitness for that matter): what's the Frequency, Intensity, Time, and Type of social interaction that would serve you best right now? How often would you like to socialize, how deep do you need/want to go when hanging out with friends, how long does each 'friend event' need to be, and what kinds of social activities suit you now?" she shared a few things that we all should consider.
"Maybe frequent get-togethers aren't possible with your current schedule, so you plan a really intense quality-filled lunch with a friend for an afternoon. Maybe you aren't able to spend a lot of time with friends because you have a screaming toddler at home, so you might text more frequently just to stay in touch, and maybe have a friend over while you're folding laundry," Wellman told Bored Panda via email.
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Learned this when I picked up E-5 in the Navy and was put in charge of a shop. We were doing workups, which is s****y and stressful for everyone. Some of my younger sailors were having a hard time adjusting, and our chain of command was making it worse on them. One of them was struggling with mental health, and I had to escort them to medical when he confided in me that he was contemplating suicide. I stepped in between that as a buffer, and took the s**t myself to make life easier for my sailors. My life sucked slightly more, but my sailors lives got better. At one point, my chain of command really didn’t like me, and were threatening to send me up to non judicial punishment, because I sacrificed a work day in favor of protecting a sailor from BS. When my sailors found out, they said they were all going to write a letter to the Captain about how great of a leader I was, and sign it. Beyond that, they were great workers. I never had to micromanage them, because they knew if I asked them to do something, there was a reason for it, and they didn’t want to screw me over by doing it wrong. It was so hard to leave that ship when they told me they were going to miss me, and I was the type of E-5 they all wanted to be.
Respecting my sailors and truly putting their well being above my own not only earned me the loyalty of them all, but it also ensured they all made it home to their families alive. I was passed over for a promotion to E-6, but it was worth it.
"One of the best ways to fit friendship into a well-rounded life is to combine social stuff with activities that you've already routinized or goals you'd like to aspire to. For example, if you want to get more fit, you could arrange a weekly walk/hike/yoga class with a friend. If you want to learn something new, you could register for a class/lessons with a buddy."
Bored Panda also wanted to better understand how someone can get out of the loop of consuming self-help content without taking any action. "Self-help is alluring because it feels deliciously productive to read about/learn about/take a retreat about bettering oneself. Deep down we know that's only part of the equation of living a life worth living though, right? We feel good about ourselves by planning and plotting a great life, and some of us know we're planning but not doing. We're dreaming but not doing," Wellman said.
"The first step is to notice your inclination to keep 'up-skilling' yourself without applying it. You must bust yourself! The next step is to practice self-compassion. It's okay to feel fear and trepidation about taking action on the life you've imagined for yourself. It's normal to conceive of a 'best self' and then stumble on the follow-through," she explained.
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"The next step is to pick one small thing to take action on: not a big thing (which can daunt us), just a small thing. For example, if you've been reading about starting a business, but feel reluctant, what's the smallest step you could take today? Maybe you register online for an LLC. Done! If you find yourself registering for course after course and reading book after book, but you're not taking action, it can help to set a date on the horizon, like, 'I am allowed to gather more info and build my resources until April 17th. Then I am launching the business!'"
Wellman added that some people also benefit from setting a money and time budget for self-help. "You can allow yourself seven hours to read about meditating, for example, and then once the eighth hour hits, it's time to actually meditate."
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Many people are constantly looking for the freshest and most cutting-edge shortcuts to be more efficient with their time and effort. And that makes sense from an evolutionary perspective because nobody wants to waste energy needlessly when there’s an easier way to get something done.
However, the best advice is usually deceptively simple but hard to implement. It’s one thing to be open-minded, learn new things, read new sources, and stay up to date with the news. But if all you ever do is collect smart tips without putting any of them into action, you’re essentially procrastinating. There has to be a balance between theory and practice, no matter if you’re thinking of being a better friend, taking better care of your body, or putting your finances into order.
The odds are that you’ve procrastinated by looking for ways to improve your life at some point—we all know we have! It’s very easy to get caught up in a loop of reading self-help books and watching YouTube videos about how to get your life on track. At some point, the advice (or at least the core principles) start getting repeated. The reality is that taking a piece of advice and putting it into action—no matter how imperfectly—is the best strategy.
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Unable to make the big life changes? Do the tedious small daily ones. Next thing you know the big ones are barely a chore.
You’ll never perfectly optimize your life or be in an environment that has zero distractions. The best thing you can do is to form healthy, positive habits, step by step, incrementally, while also moving away from bad habits. Be decisive, focused, and patient. Because no matter how brilliant you (think you) are, you’ll have setbacks and moments of doubt. In short, whatever you choose to do, just start. And try to maintain the momentum by making that new behavior a habit instead of waiting for motivation to strike (the latter is notoriously fickle!).
You have to consider what changes you can make right now that will have the biggest impact on your quality of life as a whole. For us, the research is more or less clear: you should prioritize your social fitness as well as your physical health.
In terms of getting (and staying!) healthy, you need to find ways to keep moving that you genuinely enjoy and listen to your body’s needs. For instance, you might love tennis or swimming but hate jogging or martial arts. If you find sports and ways to exercise that make you feel good, it’ll be easier to stay motivated in the long run. Meanwhile, if you feel like you’re only doing something because it’s trendy, you’re likely to drop the habit when its popularity wanes.
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Also working out helps literally everything, health, confidence, sleep, energy, appearance, mental health, and it's basically free.
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The CDC recommends that adults aim to get at least 150 of moderate-intensity exercise every week. Regular exercise helps you sleep better, lowers your blood pressure, and reduces anxiety. When you move more, you’re also reducing the risk of developing chronic diseases, from heart disease and various cancers to type 2 diabetes.
Try to remember to take care of the basics. Drink plenty of water, get lots of sleep, spend time outdoors, walk just a bit more than you usually would, and eat nutritious food. Meanwhile, avoid smoking, drinking alcohol, and eating ultra-processed, sugary, and salt-laden junk food.
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