Work as well as family life pose certain challenges. It’s in no way a surprise, especially for working parents out there, trying their best at covering both. But can one be easier than the other? The question remains a highly debatable one.
Sarah Torresan, founder of the ‘Imperfect Alignment’, sparked a discussion online after saying that going to work is much easier than staying at home with the kids when you’re sleep deprived. The Melbourne-based mom explained why she felt this way in her TikTok video, which has been viewed nearly 90 thousand times already. Scroll down to find the video below.
Bored Panda has reached out to Sarah and she was kind enough to answer a few of our questions. You will find her thoughts below.
This mom turns to TikTok to share her views on working vs. staying at home with the kids when sleep deprived
Image credits: imperfectalignment
The woman says she has both, stay-at-home and working days, which she compared to form her opinion
"I feel like I'm qualified to speak to this because I have both working days and stay-at-home mom days. And I want to tell you something that the working parent probably doesn't want stay-at-home parents to know. Going to work is so much easier than staying home with kids. And here's why."
Image credits: Element5 Digital (not the actual photo)
She admits that stay-at-home days are more stressful or chaotic than those spent at work
"On my work days, I get to commute to work listening to a podcast or music by myself. I get to grab a coffee, walk through the city. I get to go to the office, have adult conversations with other people, work using parts of my brain that I haven't used in a long time. Then I get to commute home again, listening to music or podcasts alone. And then I miss my kids and can't wait to see them, and they can't wait to see me either.
On the flip side, when you're at home alone with the kids for days on end, you might go days without having a normal human conversation. From the second you open your eyes in the morning until you close them at night, you are on, you are putting out fires over the most insanely irrational things. It's constant conflict. It's constant, everyone else's needs."
Image credits: Keira Burton (not the actual photo)
In the video, she raises the question of whose sleep should be prioritized—the parent’s who’s off to work in the morning or the one’s who’s staying at home
"You'll be yelled at for things, it is all about what you need to do for someone else. You barely get a hot coffee, you barely get time to sit down and think about anything else outside of what needs to be done. Most stay-at-home parents would dream of sitting in the car for 45 minutes and listening to a podcast or drinking a hot coffee with a coworker. Of course there's caveats to this based on what you do for work or what your partner does for work, but my point is overnight, whose sleep should really be prioritized?"
Staying at home might sound like the easier option to some, yet it presents certain challenges as well
Sarah started her video by pointing out that she has both, stay-at-home as well as office days, and comparing the two has led her to believe that the latter one is much easier. In her opinion, staying at home means being constantly overwhelmed with things to do. And that’s not easy to bear when you’re tired or sleep-deprived. (As moms and dads often are. A new parent is believed to lose nearly two hours of sleep every night during the first year with the baby.)
Pew Research Center revealed that 7% of dads and 28% of moms are stay-at-home parents. Even though being able to spend time with your child is rewarding in so many ways, it can cause feelings of insecurity or loneliness. It might also be physically and emotionally draining because of the sheer number of things that need to be taken care of around the house. Healthy Children emphasized that it’s important for parents to find time for self-care; it allows them to recharge and lead a happy and healthy lifestyle, which positively affects their kids as well.
“There are those of us who do struggle being at home full-time with young children. Working allows those women to have space from this, which, in turn, often leads them to find the time they do have at home far more enjoyable,” Sarah told Bored Panda. “It actually improves their mental health and therefore their relationship with their children, which is the most important aspect in my opinion for women who fall into this category.”
Sarah said she uses the office days to spend time for herself, even if it’s something as minor as listening to a podcast or grabbing a coffee. She also emphasized that it allows her to have a proper grown-up conversation, which is a rare case when staying at home. But even with the perks of going to the office, the majority of parents wouldn’t choose to work from there full-time. FlexJobs revealed that 61% of moms and dads prefer to work remotely, and 37% like to use a hybrid work model.
Image credits: Sarah Chai (not the actual photo)
Whether you choose to stay at home or work from the office, it is important to know how to deal with responsibilities and stress that comes with it
No matter the model, being a working parent usually requires knowing how to manage stress and numerous responsibilities. It also presents the challenge of taking proper care not only of your family, but of yourself as well. Having to juggle work and family life encouraged Sarah to start Imperfect Alignment (and the Working Mum Academy), a course that provides guidance for working mothers out there.
“Rather than struggling to continuously achieve the ‘perfect’ (unattainable) work/life balance we encourage students to instead strive for alignment of all important life channels over a longer period of time,” the founder explained.
“This means prioritizing things like our health, our social lives, our hobbies as well as our families, and our work, which are getting at least some of our time, and planning it in advance.
“Because the truth is some weeks are great and other weeks are a disaster; our approach helps to take the pressure off in the moment. We know even in these ‘imbalanced’ moments, over time we're actually aligning the things important to us (imperfectly and that's ok) and not losing ourselves completely in work and motherhood,” Sarah pointed out.
“This looks like having a bi-monthly brunch with girlfriends booked in, options for exercise available to us when we are both super busy as well as when we have extra capacity, date nights with our partner on the calendar (even if a few months in the future),” she added.
In another video on TikTok, she opened up about feeling stressed during her second pregnancy, which is why she sought tips or courses online. Now, in an interview for Bored Panda, Sarah shared her own tips for working moms out there:
“Firstly, putting your needs first - or at least not last - makes you a better parent. Putting yourself last, or never at all, will only make you less fulfilled, resentful, unhealthy, and unhappy. And your children deserve for you to be at your best.
“Secondly, support systems are important. Often a rebalancing of household duties is required, and this can be a tough conversation to have in partnered households where things might be off-kilter. The mental load needs to be shared, no question.
“Thirdly, self-development doesn't need to stop because you become a mother. We actually find that after having children, our perspectives on life are so much more complex and we are open to becoming the most amazing version of ourselves... And again - in a roundabout way, this is what our kids deserve. Plus, you're being an amazing role model for them as well,” Sarah said.
People in the comments had differing opinions, some agreed with Sarah
Others disagreed with her completely
There were people saying that it depends on the situation
TikTokers also shared opinions and spoke about their own experiences
