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Some strangers are incredibly judgmental of others. Some go so far as to shame parents publicly. We were curious to get parenting blogger Samantha's take on the reasons why this happens, and what the best way to react in these sorts of situations might be.
"I say if you have the courage to call someone out for parent-shaming, good for you. But you want to be sure you're not in turn also taking part in parent-shaming yourself. It's likely easier to say something if you're closely involved in the situation. For example, if the parent-shaming takes place during a conversation with several parents in a group you're part of," Samantha shared her thoughts with Bored Panda.
"In that case, you can probably talk about how you handle a similar situation in a more open-minded way, without directly attacking the parent-shamer. The more we can be open about our own acceptance of different parenting styles, the more we are doing to make being open and accepting cool."
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I’m dealing with the trauma you left behind for not comforting your child when he needed you. Don’t tell me I’m at fault for choosing to allow my child drift to sleep feeling safe.
According to the mom and blogger, parenthood is "an emotionally-charged topic" because "it's the most important role many of us have in our lives." Emotions flare and tensions can rise if someone suspects a parent might not be doing their best to look after their children.
"I think when we become parents, we can tend to feel like the guardians of all kids, not just our own. And when we someone parenting their kids in a way that is very different from us, and potentially even harmful to the kid, there can be an urge to say something about it," Samantha, the host of 'Walking Outside in Slippers,' said.
"But while we should all be alert for child abuse, I believe it's important to let other parents take care of their children in a way that makes sense for them."
#4
Whenever I did say that her dad was watching her, people went like “Woooow… good man!” And in my head I was like… y’all would never say that about a woman.
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The fact of the matter is that pretty much everyone judges everyone else. All that really differs is how we do this. Some keep their observations to themselves. Others are incredibly subtle and gentle in how they criticize others. However, some individuals are far too aggressive in how they phrase their insights to others and could use a lesson or two in manners and diplomacy.
Oh, they might have good intentions (keeping someone’s kids safe), but we all know what the road to hell is paved with. You can’t just go around criticizing strangers for how they raise their kids. Odds are that you’ll be wildly wrong if the thread that u/katmio1 started is anything to go by.
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We’re often told not to judge others while we’re growing up, but it’s something that we do both consciously and unconsciously. Some people do this because they want to feel better about themselves. So in order to seem superior, they put others down, even if they don’t ‘deserve’ it. Judging others is their way to protect their identity while attacking others.
It can also be a way to conform: we mimic others’ opinions because we don’t want to stand out; we want to be part of the collective. We adopt the thoughts of the general public because we want to be part of it.
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However, in some rare cases, judging other people can actually end up being healthy. But this requires maturity and mindful use. For example, when we perceive society and ourselves critically, we can figure out what our values are. This can help us set goals for ourselves and work toward improving our flaws if we happen to spot any!
A stranger running after us and telling us that we can’t raise our children right is bound to get us upset, especially when we know for a fact that they have no clue what they’re talking about. But a kind word and a dash of (unsolicited) advice might actually be helpful from time to time. It all depends on the intent and the delivery!
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