30 Stories From Women Who Gave "Nice Guys" A Chance

Jessie-Anne Bird, an educational psychologist from Johannesburg, South Africa, who focuses on assessments and psychotherapeutic interventions with children and adolescents, told Bored Panda that the 'nice guy' isn't a psychological construct, so there the phenomenon hasn't been researched. "However, transactional expectations within relationships could be considered a form of objectification—the failure to view others as equal beings with needs, motivations, and emotions of their own," Bird said.

According to the psychologist, viewing others as simply existing to fulfill one's own needs may be associated with varying degrees of narcissism. "Narcissism can develop as a defense against feelings of inadequacy and vulnerability. Rejection may 'crack' the defense, leading to intense and difficult emotions, which can be acted out if one does not have appropriate emotional regulation skills."

It's important to remember that people can change. "Sometimes they just lack the tools or insight to do so independently," Bird explained. "Change, however, requires an ability to reflect on one's actions—which needs one to be vulnerable and open to difficult emotions."

"We can all be 'nice guys' at times if we are not careful!" the psychologist pointed out. That being said, "one should be wary of people who have difficulty respecting personal boundaries, or feel entitled to another's time or attention. Pay careful attention to how others respond to boundary setting or have difficulty resolving conflict in a calm and understanding way."

Dr. Robert Glover, who's interested in 'nice guys', says these men are often trying to form "covert contracts" with the target of their affections. They have a sinister side. In the mind of the typical 'nice guy', Dr. Glover said, the person he is pursuing should repay his action by becoming his girlfriend or boyfriend. For him, that is how these things work. The 'nice guy' will lash out if he does not get what he wants, which might be indirectly influenced by misogynistic entitlement complexes.

In an earlier Bored Panda interview, counselor & psychotherapist Tati Silva said that misogyny occurs unconsciously, connecting with hatred that forms early in life, often as a result of a trauma involving a female figure they trusted. Of course, there are exceptions. “This doesn’t apply to everyone, there are genuinely nice guys and girls out there. That will be ok to be put in a friend zone, respecting your opinion. They won’t expect anything back," Silva said.

“For all the masked ‘nice guys’ out there, it is ok to be vulnerable, be yourself with the person that you would like to date, it might take you a few steps further in your relationship instead of a complete shutdown,” Silva suggested back then. “People have the right to say no and owe nothing in return. True kindness is given without expecting nothing in return.”