30 Women Share Non-Sexual But Intimate Things They Do With Their Partners

To find out more about navigating the complex and sometimes difficult world of intimacy in a relationship and how we can grow closer to our partner, Bored Panda spoke with Francis Merson, Clinical Psychologist and Founder of the Paris Psychology Centre.

According to Merson, the main thing that prevents intimacy in long-term relationships is lack of time. “When couples initially get together they tend to prioritize quality time – going on dates, picnics, to the movies, spending long mornings in bed together, etc.” However, “the trend across the lifespan of a relationship is for these shared activities to gradually reduce,” he argues.

“Then you’re left with two people wondering: how did we drift apart? So for closeness to flourish, it needs the right conditions, and the most important of these is time.”

“The other important condition is, of course, how you spend that time. A helpful question to ask yourself (and your partner) is: what were the things we used to do that made us close in the first place? Maybe you went camping together, or saw friends together, simply texted each other memes more often,” Merson said. Whatever these things are, they can be reintroduced into the relationship to rekindle closeness.

Another strategy to grow closer to your partner is to choose a new shared activity that you do together. Merson argues that ideally, this should be something that you both enjoy, and where you can work together as a team. “You could learn a language together, or bake something you both love to eat, or get your hands dirty on a new renovation project. When you achieve something positive as a couple, this tends to build emotional bonds of closeness.”

It turns out that emotional intimacy is what partners are for, assures Merson. “While you might not be able to open up to your colleagues or friends, a partner relationship can provide non-judgmental support and care you need to feel loved and truly seen. And this can be a wonderful source of strength.”

Even the research backs this up, as close relationships are predictors not only of emotional wellbeing, but also of longevity. “So emotional intimacy can actually make you live longer,” Merson said.

For anyone who’s struggling to build emotional intimacy in their relationship, they have to realize it’s all about openness. “If you’re not open with your partner, you can’t expect real connection – because you’re not giving them the real you to connect with. But opening up can be scary! You might hear a voice in your head telling you not to be vulnerable, because you will seem weak, or not to show how weird you really are, because you will be judged.”

Merson added that “it’s astonishing how much of ourselves we can hold back even with the people closest to us. To build intimacy, you have to disregard that toxic inner voice and be authentic about who you are and what you need from your partner.”

However, if you both open up, you end up knowing each other deeply, which is the path to deep connection and intimacy.