Even though most of us have at least some insecurities, we have to do our best to not let them control us. If we lose that control, we can end up harming not only ourselves but also our loved ones—emotionally and mentally.
Unfortunately, some people let their insecurities spiral and lash out at their romantic partners. Internet users opened up about their ‘insecure men horror stories’ on r/AskWomen, and their tales show just how bad things can get when jealousy and fear run rampant.
When you’re done reading them all, dear Pandas, let us know in the comments if you’ve ever had to deal with a partner who was insecure to this extent. If you’ve got any tips on dealing with toxic relationships, be sure to share them, too.
Bored Panda reached out to dating expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man, for a chat about the impact that insecurities have on relationships. "Deep-seated insecurities result in a person behaving in ways they don’t really want to, but can’t seem to stop themselves from doing. For example: Being overly jealous, clingy, and needy due to having an insecurity about being cheated on or dumped," he explained to us.
Dan said that, alternatively, insecurities can manifest in the person being emotionally distant and pushing their partner away. They might also be "afraid to truly fall in love, due to having an insecurity of being cheated on or dumped." He said: "Whether the person clings or pushes away, the result is the same; the relationship eventually ends in a breakup." Scroll down for the full interview about how to control these insecurities.
#21
My ex, I was a freshman in college, got mad at me at a barbecue. He looked very angrily the whole time I was talking to people. I was later informed I was too friendly and grinning in mens faces. Literally screaming at me in the car he almost wrecked it.
I was the host, btw.
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203points
#22
My ex broke up with me because my shoes were too bright a color (they were neon orange sneakers) and they would attract too much attention from other men..
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194points
#23
Dated a guy who would make fun of me for having rolls on my stomach (thanks) and then maybe 1-2 years after we broke up, we had talked to each other as he still owed me like $2000 that he made excuses for why he couldn't pay. He asked me what I do for a living and I proceed to tell him I got a job at a gaming company and he drops "you were just hired because you are a woman" to which I kindly told him to buzz off and that I was selected in the end out of like hundreds of people and it had nothing to do with my gender. Jealous and insecure men always find a way to invalidate your success.
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191points
#24
I have a few ! Me and my ex were going to see my gay best friend for some drinks , as I was getting ready I put some red lipstick on and he angrily asked “are you wearing this for .. insert my friends name ! We were only dating for 2 months and as I was getting ready to break up with him after few toxic situations, we went to my friends bday party , I wore a skirt (kinda just to piss him off, he was really controlling and hated me wearing skirts) and after couple of hours of dancing around my friends place he stormed out saying that I am showing my pants to everyone and he is done with me ha! He was crazy!
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179points
#25
I once gave a previous boyfriend some crackers and pepper jelly that I made as a snack, he had never had it before and thought I was delicious. Since he seemed to like it a lot, the next time I saw him I brought a jar of the jelly for him to take home....Well he did not like that, started yelling at me "Why would you give this to me??? I could make this by myself if I wanted to" got super angry and smashed it on the ground. It was such irrational behavior that I just wanted to laugh.
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170points
#26
Dunno if it's just insecurity or sexism, probably a mix of both. My ex claimed he was deeply traumatized when he learned that his previous partner had a couple of one night stands before dating him, said he could never trust her again after she "confessed" to this.
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168points
#27
I got yelled at because me and my friends used "big words" (not English) at a party. He was drunk and worked himself into a rage fit over weird things and this was what surfaced. His lower level of education was never a problem for me, and I didn't know it was for him until then. So bizzare.
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163points
#29
He would get mad if I didn’t text him back in literally 3 minutes. Also saying how I didn’t post him enough on my Instagram… like what?? I’m with you should that not be enough? Lol.
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145points
#30
I had a ‘stalker x,’ who was insanely jealous and toxic. He said I was sleeping with anyone and everyone I came in contact with, even women. So I stopped talking about people at work. He was jealous of my kids. He took my kids to school in the mornings. He went the long way to see if my car was at work. He claimed my kids was asking where my car was because they didn’t see it. After a couple of times of him saying this, I asked my kids about it. They looked at me puzzled and said he was saying that. He threatened to leave us in Cherokee, threatened to kill me if I cheated, kick us out, then turned around, seconds later, and asked why we were packing. He threatened to kill himself numerous times. That’s just to name a few things. Such a toxic man and relationship. I am married to an incredible man now. So glad there are still good men out there and I finally have one 💜💜💜
145points
#31
I once got home after a job interview and my ex wasn't there, a while later he phones me and says he has a puncture. I found out he had followed me to the interview and on his way he got a nail in his Tyre.
He also used to fight with me because I said he couldn't just show up at my work unless he bought something, because otherwise it looks unprofessional.
The best/worst was when he kept texting me while I was working and asking if I ever had blonde hair. Later that evening I got out the shower and saw him watching porn. Turns out he was convinced that the blonde girl giving major head was me. We looked nothing alike.
So glad that psycho is out of my life.
143points
#32
My boyfriend gets irritated when I mention the doctor at my job because he is a young male and doesn’t like that I mention a guy in conversation that is “more successful” than him even if it’s just in passing. Even if I just say he bought everyone at the office lunch or something like that
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135points
Addressing insecurities in romantic relationships requires understanding subtleties like power dynamics, which can lead to jealousy and fear running rampant. It's essential to acknowledge when certain environments, such as bars, contribute to these dynamics. Recognizing signs of distress in these settings, such as the use of secret codes like 'angel shots' to ensure safety, is a step towards fostering healthier interactions.
For more insights on how bar staff can intervene effectively, exploring the impact of bartenders' awareness of potential threats can be enlightening.
