We are all worthy of love, but in reality, most of us have survived rejection in various shapes, forms, and levels of hurt at some point in our lives. Whether it’s your partner saying they don’t love you as much as they used to, or them acting like they couldn’t care less about you, or… Well, the ways to break your heart are endless. And while some withstand the initial shock and cold shower with their head up, others take days, if not months or even years, to heal and find love again.
No wonder scientists have shown now and again that love literally hurts. Known as “stress cardiomyopathy” to the medical community, it’s better known as “broken heart syndrome,” and medical professionals don’t object to the nickname. Neuroimaging studies have shown that brain regions involved in processing physical pain overlap considerably with the areas in charge of social anguish. The connection between the two was found to be so strong that bodily painkillers turned out to successfully relieve our emotional wounds.
So in order to find out how to survive rejection and help a friend or relative who’s going through a heartbreak, we talked to Kate Mansfield, an award-winning dating coach, TV personality, writer and women’s rights activist.“ Rejection can have a profound or a mild effect, depending on the psychological state, the past trauma and the personality of the person,” Kate said and added that “at its worst, it can cause extreme feelings of worthlessness and even depression.”
Therefore, it’s not something to be taken lightly. “It can cause the person to withdraw from relationships and to stay alone. Or, to feel not good enough and low self-esteem,” Kate explained and added that those with healthy self esteem and confidence are not affected as much “because they have a solid sense of self-worth already.”
Since the pain of being rejected has direct ties with our self-esteem, Kate suggests first working on your self-esteem in order to “understand that it is nothing to do with you, it is usually not personal.”
“Try to feel grateful, because the one thing worse than being rejected is to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t really love you.” The dating coach added that in such cases when rejection happens on a daily basis, it causes extreme loneliness.
If someone close to you is going through a heartbreak, Kate suggests being supportive and spending time with them. In extreme cases when the problem persists, it’s best to turn to coaching and counselling for help. However, “Be aware that we can only help people so much, sometimes they need to help themselves,” she added.
Most importantly, Kate concluded that “we are not rejected by others, we reject ourselves by staying in a relationship with someone who isn't really committed, or into us.”
“This self-rejection is the worst part, so have boundaries and standards for yourself. Set your standards high, don't stay for the sake of it. Taking this action will increase your self-esteem and your attraction level too,” the dating coach concluded.
