"I Cried All The Time": Women Get Honest About Choosing To Marry For Money Instead Of Love

My first husband was very wealthy, when we were dating that was fun and he loved to spoil me and treat me to awesome things….after we were married he became very controlling and definitely used his wealth and money to control and assert his dominance over me. I became very anxious and cried all the time, went on anti depressants, went to therapy….eventually he became physically intimidating and I left him….miraculously all the depression and anxiety went way.

Now I’m happily married, middle class, stable, married the kind one. Better choice.

I was engaged to the “rich one” and got away.
It was NOT WORTH IT. The abuse - physical, SA, emotional, mental, etc. It was extremely lonely. I always remember being sad on vacation. It would hit me hard then. I’m on an expensive vacation in a beautiful resort - where normal people would be thrilled. But instead I was miserable and alone and honestly pissed that our usual routines were on hold and therefore I was expected to be in his presence all day. Do not do it. Life is too short for misery and you deserve true love. Money is just money - it can come and go. Love and happiness are what life is about. People will say all day “well I don’t pay any bills”. There isn’t a bill
In this world that cost more than my peace and happiness.

A bit different.

he became rich while we dated.

we were both not working when we met. I was on leave from teaching after a death in my family, he had just moved to my city and looking for work.

he was a freelance graphic designer, and landed a gig at a start up company. this was around 2010, when mobile apps were just taking off, and things like instagram were just coming out.

design after design, he won awards, the company blew up because of him. life was fun when there’s money, and parties, and award ceremonies.

after a bit, d***s and drinking got in his way, he became more a*****e, tried to k**l me, and I left.

he was fired and blacklisted.

I was a waitress when I started dating my husband, he wasnt rich but he had just graduated from a great business school and had landed a great job with one of his fathers friends. I did however know his family was wealthy but that wasnt a factor, I was young and I thought the world was easy.
Married him, never worked a day again and I couldnt be happier, raised my boys, took care of my home, assisted my parents and in laws, baby sat nieces and nephews, traveled, my husband has been an amazing provider, better husband and the best father.

It's worked out well. I didn't pick him just because he's rich, but I've been with men similar in habit and compatibility to him who didn't have as much money. It's nice to not have to worry about whether we have enough money to pay the bills. And we can vacation where we want because we want to and not picking places because they are budget friendly. The kids can participate in the activities they want and won't have to pick a lower tier college in the interest of saving us money or reducing their own student loan burden. I do work because I want to, but I don't have to work jobs I hate or hours that suck because we have the household financial security to weather the storm of temporary unemployment.

Gave up my acting/directing career to be with an ex-partner, as I thought that I wouldn't succeed in my career and resigned myself to a life of normality.

When I got dumped, the biggest thing that hurt was that I chose the safe path and things still didn't work out.

So the moral of the story is, don't give up your passions and career for a so-called "normal life", because when the worst happens, you're only left with yourself, and your previous skills and experience, and it can be hard re-entering the workforce.

I got lucky, and I'm much happier now pursuing the things I truly want.

I didn’t marry him for security. I am highly educated and have a successful career of my own but he had built wealth that was far beyond anything I’ll ever make. We married young, when he was setting up his company. I encouraged him and we had a close partnership for many years- eventually he wanted more and more control and wanted me to me to be to be more trophy wife, less partner. He had an affair, we got divorced. He attacked me through expensive lawyers, made it out with my own savings and pocket change. I’ve gotten over it and am on a totally different path in life- prioritizing my career and being more open to living for joy and purpose in my own life. Am single, don’t know I’ll ever remarry or have a family but not concerned with it at the moment. What’s for you is for you.

This is not the same thing, but I didn’t marry for love, I married my husband because we were good partners. But he was financially stable enough that I could stay at home with our daughter, which I think we both wanted. I think we have a different kind of love for each other that has grown over time but it’s not a very romantic relationship and I’m honestly happier than I was when I was deeply in love in the past.

I married the tall dark and handsome,Broke,man with a heart of gold. we’re now broke and happy together!

Based on the other comments, I suppose I must be extremely lucky. My mother always told me when I was young that “you can marry more in five minutes than you can make in a lifetime”. I didn’t specifically seek to marry a wealthy man, meaning I didn’t discount potential partners who had no money, but I always loved the idea of marrying a rich man. When I met my husband, we were both middle-aged. He was extremely smart and had an Ivy League graduate degree which had opened up connections for him into a lucrative career. He works extremely hard, but recognizes that without the connections that came from attending an elite school, he never would have been offered his position in a very lucrative industry. He was raised in a frugal middle class family and had never had many luxuries, so he has a huge appreciation for money, investing it and spending it wisely. When I met him, I had a career I loved, but one that would never be lucrative. Because I didn’t make a lot of money, I was extremely responsible and had learned how to utilize my resources wisely in order to create a comfortable existence on not much money. I, too, had been raised in a very frugal middle class household, so when I met my husband, our similar family backgrounds, combined with our respect for money and our understanding of how to be financially responsible was one of the things that really bonded us together.

I don’t know if it’s that neither of us came from money, or that both of us inherently respected it, knew how to be responsible with it, and appreciated how lucky he was to have made so much of it, but regardless, we have built a beautiful life and he is an incredible partner. He’s extremely generous with his money, donating to numerous charities and people in need. He has three adult children from his previous marriage who are all gainfully employed and are making their own way in life (it was important to him that his children never felt entitled to privilege or were spoiled), yet he gifts them money every year in order to assist with things like a down payment for a house or paying for his daughter’s wedding. Although I have carte blanche to spend his money as I see fit, I find great pride in still working and earning my own income which is what I use to pay for my ‘frivolous’ or ‘fun’ expenses (my choice to do so, not his). That being said, he pays all the bills and household expenses and never expects me to spend a dime on anything. We love to travel, live in a beautiful home, have a wonderful community, and it’s been such a blessing to never have to worry about money.

As he approaches retirement, I feel very blessed and lucky to know that we will be set up for life financially. He is a wonderful partner, is extremely kind and generous with his affection, his time, and his love. Every day feels like a fairy tale Cinderella story and I am extremely lucky. My mother is also thrilled that I married more in five minutes than I could make in a lifetime. More than that, though, I married more love in five minutes than I ever had in my lifetime.

My grandma has been married twice. First to a poor, mentally ill man. They met in the Air Force, he got drunk and decided to go back to his room but accidentally went into my grandmas room by mistake, got really embarrassed but grandma had him sleep off his drunken state there. They had 2 daughters (my mom and my aunt) and got divorced when my mom was like 7(?). By the time my mom was around 13ish grandma had met a new man. He was adopted by a wealthy family but raised by the nannies and never really knew what “family” was. He never had children of his own but raised my mom and aunt like his own. They are still together and deeply in love. (Step)Grandpa had his first heart attack about a decade ago when I was still a kid. I don’t remember much other than having to drive a long way several times to go to the hospital (we live in the country so it’s like 3 hours to get to the really good hospitals) and being in the hospital at night, walking down darkened hallways with my sister to the coffee pot at the end of the hall so we could get coffee. (Step) grandpa said that was the first time he truly felt what “family” was. He’s recently had another heart attack and mom advised us not to expect him to still be here next year and to visit them as much as possible before Christmas. During his most recent heart attack (luckily a minor one but his last one was major) grandma called me crying and sounded so scared while she told me they were heading to the hospital and to call my sisters and mom. She was distraught for 2 months after that since she knew he doesn’t have much longer but during more recent visits she seems to be dealing with it well. I’ve also heard from my mom that grandma will most likely move in with my mom after grandpa passes or move into a smaller house since she won’t be able to bear living there without him.

I’ll speak for my mom

She thought she was marrying the rich one.

My dad tried to talk her out of it- even offered to pay her more than child support *not* to do it (not out of love- it’s just who my dad is.) That pissed her off and she married him anyway.

I won’t go into details of the stuff I went through but he was not a safe person to be around.

He was a big time manipulator. He tied my mom into 6 millions dollars in debt. She had no idea until she wanted a divorce- that’s when she found out he was putting his debt in her name for his failing businesses.

She ended up having to file bankruptcy to leave him but the divorce took years. He would constantly hire new lawyers just to keep the process going. She almost didn’t make it out in one piece mentally.

It’s been a long road for her. She hasn’t made the best decisions in relationships (I had to cut her out of my life for awhile because of it) but after some very extensive therapy she’s doing much better.

I would just like to point out that there are a*****e partners in all classes, whether they have money or not. So you should choose your partner based on his values, on how he solves problems, check if he's genuinely a good person and if he will treat you right and with respect at all times.

My grandpa (my mom's father) was rich. He became successful after marrying my grandma, and he was the best husband, the best father, always came home with goodies for all members of the family, whether that was food, toys, etc.

Money isn't the problem, the man is. You could marry a poor man who's also controlling and a*****e. So be safe.

My friend married the “rich one” because he is rich and she is living the ‘if you marry for money you earn every penny’ phrase. There is also a not insignificant age difference, in-laws are a******s, and husband is a tightwad, and a family business in a somewhat volatile industry dynamic going on. But he’s rich so she doesn’t have to work outside the home, so she sort of got what she wanted.

My sister married into money. I wouldn't say rich, but he's well off. My sister was in a dire situation and was desperate to get out of it. We all know she is using him for money, but he hasn't caught on yet. He's very obsessed with his ex-wife. He has 3 kids by her, and my sister can't stand them. The whole situation is f****d. I don't know how long the marriage will last.

My friend married a guy she did like...but she was looking for someone wealthy (she is also highly educated with a good job that could earn well)... and honestly? I'm not sure how much of it was love for her and how much if it was wanting a kid before she got too old, I think she didn't really know him.

...he ended up being very controlling. Wouldn't let her change anything about the house. She got pregnant and he was the least supportive partner you can imagibe - he wouldn't even keep pregnancy safe food in the house and would fill the fridge with things you're not meant to eat whilst pregnant.

He didn't want to pay for her to stay home but he was also unsatisfied if she worked. Didn't want her to be close to family, whilst he had zero boundaries with his own family. Whilst she was postpartum he didn't want her to work...but he also basically refused to pay for anything for the baby. People assune that they'll marry a rich person who is generous- but many rich people only really care for themselves or are happy to use it as a control tactic.

She left him before their baby was 1 year old. And naturally he ended up a nightmare to coparent with. Because he doesn't understand kids and wants his baby to behave like some idealised older child rather than in a way kids that age actually behave.

I wonder if this is actually coming from women who married rich men, or rather from women in relationships where money is the primary source of disagreement. From my experience, the main takeaway is marry someone with whom you’re on the same page with about finances. And make sure both of you are transparent about your money, financial goals, and boundaries before combining them.

My husband isn’t rich but he makes good money, works really hard, is very responsible and could afford to live on his own when we met. We got married for things other money and love, but we do love each other. I was only 22 and I didn’t go to college so I wasn’t financially stable in the same way. I worked and paid for everything I had and took care of my younger sister financially but I lived with family and felt trapped. So it made sense to get married and would help me but the thing I wish I realized back then was to not become as financially dependent on him. We had a rough patch and I realized I don’t have anything or anywhere to go if we got divorced. I recently went back to school in order to get out of dead end jobs and have financial independence/security. Overall I think people should check both boxes by picking someone you enjoy being around and actually like as well as them being financially stable.

I met my ex in college. He was in a field that offered high incomes right after graduation, so while we were not rich we were very comfortable. He became very controlling and mean, and watched every penny I spent, getting upset if I bought an extra non-perishable grocery item because it was on sale. Mind you, he did not do any shopping or cooking.

I waited probably too long to divorce him because I was worried about the big drop in income and stability. But I finally did it, and while it was tough financially for a long time, I was fine and so much happier without him.

I knew he was financially stable with a 25 year career when we met. It wasn't til 9 months later that I he told me he also owned a successful bar and grille. And was almost 2 years before he told me he owned a half dozen rental properties. (I should add that for the 1st 4 years we had a long distance relationship, I lived in Jersey City, he in NC.We saw each other about one weekend a month plus holidays, vacations etc)

When we decided we were ready to make a bigger commitment to the relationship we knew one of us had to leave their job and relocate. By that time he had already put in 29 years at the same company, a year from retirement at 55, plus the rentals and the bar...made sense that I be the one to relocate. Doing so landed me a very very good career with a major sports broadcasting company as a bonus.

6 months later he came clean...after I said yes to his proposal. He owned 6 residential rentals, one "strip mall" with 8 rental spaces, 4 separate commercial rental spaces, and the bar. i knew he owned his home and some land it sat on, I didnt know it was 12 acres. Or that it used to be 28 acres before he developed, built and sold 20 homes on 1/2 acre lots around his property, the remaing acres being used for the access road and a small park and water run off areas.

Was I mad he didnt tell me? Not at all. I understood, I was 27, he was 39. He wanted me to want to be with him, not his portfolio. Imo opinion he did the right thing, told me in the appropriate times and situations.

And the funniest thing about it all...?

It was my friends and family who said he was an older man who just wanted a younger woman and free load off her money!