81 Women Get Brutally Honest About The Things Men Just Don’t Get

That they should relate more with the victim than the aggressor.

Hear me out. I've noticed a knee-jerk reaction from a lot of men. When a woman says, "he's making me uncomfortable... it's these little things he says and the way he stares." The man instantly responds, relating to the man, "oh, he probably just likes you or he's awkward." Or she says that a man scares her, or might be following her, or that she was SA'd. A lot of times I think it's easy for men to put themselves in the accused's shoes, and say, "what if that was me?" But instead I wish they'd ask, "what if she was my sister or my mother?" I think if they thought that way instead, it would change so many things for victims. Women wouldn't need to feel scared to speak up when something happens with a man that's... just wrong.

Men can be victims too, so this goes for these situations too. But I wish more good guys, who would never hurt someone, empathized with the victim and not the aggressor. I wish they understood how much that would help victims.

Telling me to calm down and acting like I'm being a typical "emotional woman" when I'm upset does not make me less upset. In fact it just pisses me off more and it makes me feel invisible and worthless.

No doesn’t mean keep trying. There is no hard to get. Many women don’t want to date or socialize outside their spiritual or religious community. We are entire people separate from males.

That when we share a problem with you, we may not be asking you to fix it for us.

Commisserate, provide emotional support. A hug when I'm upset goes a long way. Then offer suggestions if she seems open to them.

Safety concerns. Men can’t fathom having to carefully consider your personal safety constantly. My brother has hitchhiked, slept on the beach for fun, lived in rough neighborhoods, walks everywhere at night, parties with random people he meets, and basically goes wherever he wants. He tried to shame our sister for not moving to Australia to a precarious living situation with no money, because she should “seize the day”.

This has been mentioned several times already but I’ll add a twist: endometriosis and PMDD. Our hormones and pain can be debilitating, y’all!

That actually, I *do* know what I'm talking about, and I *do* know what I'm doing.

It's exhausting having everyone always assume you're dumb and incompetent unless you personally prove to them you're twice as good as anyone else-- and even then, the impression of competence can be instantly revoked if you mess up one (1) time.

You will never face a fraction of the criticism, hatred, and judgement I face after having an abortion even if you paid for half of it. All the stigma surrounding it alone makes it traumatic and can result in some mental/emotional damage. There's no possible way you can understand what we're going through.

Everything being slightly too big for my hands, like rubber gloves where even the smallest size is loose-fitting or phones where my thumb doesn't reach all the way across the screen.



ETA: also when the bra strap accidentally twists itself or slips and I'm in public and can't fix it immediately IT IS PAIN.

If we say we are cold, even if you are fine, we are not making it up. Our bodies tend to react to cold in a different way to yours, and we can't help it. It sucks.

(obviously I'm not referring to women who wear skimpy clothes and turn the heat up full)

That sometimes I'm not quiet because I'm mad, I just genuinely don't feel like talking.

I just want to be friends.

My phone doesn’t fit in the pockets of my jeans.

I am not, fundamentally, that different than you. You do not require a mysterious, thousand page instruction manual to understand me. Yes, there are a few differences in how males and females think about things or communicate, but we have the same brain, many of the same experiences and hobbies, and speak the same language. Just talk to me and ask questions if you don't understand something or are interested.

I keep hearing guys say that they don't know how to talk to girls, or don't understand girls. Yes, there are some girls who do strange things like asking trick questions about their weight or how attractive their friends are, but that's just some girls, and only some of the time. Even the girls who think that way are pretty much the same as guys most of the time.

My hair will literally end up EVERYWHERE, and there's not a [darn] thing I can do to control. It just sheds.

The feeling of being outside alone at night and tightly gripping your purse when you see a man walking behind you.

That sometimes I need you to open up and speak to me. If something is bothering you or you had a bad day, you can talk to me. You don't have to strong macho tough all the time.

If something is affecting your SO and you shrug it off, but then same problem affects you and it's suddenly a big deal, you lack empathy.

If you expect more form your SO than you are willing to give, you're gonna have a bad time.

How he is directly displaying misogyny/misogynoir. They get defensive and/or shut down nine times out of ten. Some men are dismissive, some feel attacked, most deny and attempt to discredit, and some even threaten violence. I’ll never forget I asked a man to refer to women as such instead of saying “females”, as it is dehumanizing, and he got in my face and threatened to beat me up.

Tone in a conversation can change everything...