Gift-giving is a huge part of relationships, whether romantic, platonic, familial, or otherwise. We see them as an expression of love, respect, and admiration. However, some people seem utterly lost when it comes to coming up with ideas for presents. So much so that their gifts may end up hurting other people’s feelings.
One redditor recently turned to the AITAH online community for advice after revealing what her well-off boyfriend put in her Christmas stocking this year. The OP was left utterly devastated. Scroll down for the full story and the online community’s reactions.
Giving your partner gifts is a direct way to show them that you understand and appreciate them
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One woman turned to the internet for some honest insights after she broke down in tears when she got her boyfriend's most recent presents
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An honest conversation needs to happen to untangle this bizarre situation with gifts
There are a few possible explanations for why the OP keeps getting (let’s be honest here) these awful gifts. They might be slightly amusing if they were given as part of an inside joke or a fakeout before the real presents get revealed. Unfortunately, it seems like they’re ‘for real.’
One possible explanation is that the author’s boyfriend simply isn’t into gift-giving as a way to show love. Like, at all. We all lean toward some love languages more than others, whether that’s receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, or physical touch.
The OP clearly values gifts an incredible deal. Her boyfriend, however, may put more emphasis on other aspects of their relationship. Perhaps he has other ways of being affectionate.
Another potential explanation is that the boyfriend may not care about the relationship as much as his girlfriend. And the poor state of these gifts may be a subtle way of expressing this. Whether he means to or not…
Thirdly, he might simply have been oblivious to the ‘quality’ of his presents and how they made his partner feel… until she finally burst into tears. Considering that both the OP and her boyfriend are quite successful at their jobs, it seems a bit bizarre that he’d opt for dollar-store jewelry.
Whatever the truth might be, one thing’s clear: the couple needs to sit down and have an honest, lengthy chat about what’s going on. Guessing the man’s intentions will get you nowhere. The OP needs to find out for a fact what the reasons behind the cheap gifts are and what this means for their future.
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There are tons of different ways you can approach birthday and Christmas gift-giving. The only limit is your imagination
These sorts of conversations are never easy, but they’re a far better alternative to being in the dark, with your resentment and frustration continuing to grow. Clarity is best.
As we’ve covered on Bored Panda very recently, many men in committed relationships forget to fill their partners’ stockings altogether. However, stuffing stockings is a low-risk way of having a bit of fun and experimenting to see what you know about your partner and their (dis)likes.
Think about your partner’s values, passions, and hobbies. Consider their character and why you fell in love with them.
If they’re into art, get them some paints or pastels and plop them in the stocking. If they’re into music, consider getting them a ticket to see a band they like, or be old-school and burn them a mix CD for fun. If they love writing, grab them a vintage writing quill and some ink or a spiffy notebook for their ideas.
Like the concert ticket, the gifts can be invitations to experiences, whether it’s a trip to the beach or flying in a hot air balloon. But the gift-giver must follow up on these: they have to actively participate in the experience.
Alternatively, if you’re really running out of ideas, then consider getting your loved one something thoroughly practical that you know for a fact they need. Or making them something by hand that you know they'll appreciate.
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In the 'worst' case scenario, you can always ask your partner what they'd like
Or… simply tell them the truth. Explain to them that you’re stumped. That you’re lost, confused, and bamboozled beyond all belief. That you’d like a hint (or two!) or the truth about what they’d love to get.
As 'Time' magazine points out, we sometimes avoid getting people awesome gifts because we already own the items ourselves. However, in our desire to be unique, we ignore genuinely good ideas.
Stockings are awesome because they’re really good at getting us to use our imaginations. Though the gifts don’t have to cost a lot, they shouldn’t be random dollar-store items either. What matters is that they’re (at least slightly) thoughtful and meaningful.
At the end of the day, what any of us really want is to be heard, and understood, and to connect with other people. So when a partner gets us a gift that resonates with us incredibly deeply, they’re essentially telling us that they fully ‘get’ who we are as a complex individual. It’s a lovely feeling.
Many readers were incredibly sympathetic and supportive of the author
