“Either We All Help Together, Taking Turns Or We Don’t Help”: Woman Won’t Help A Pregnant Peer

Unpaid overtime is far from anyone’s ideal scenario. But every once in a while people might have to add an hour or two to their workday, often to help a fellow employee.

But a couple of hours here and there are far from working overtime for months on end. That’s what redditor u/Content_Plate1802 was asked to do to cover for her pregnant coworker. She suggested that everyone in the team share the load, but the colleagues believed that she alone should do it as she was the only one without children or, in their words, responsibilities.

In order to learn more about people’s views towards childless individuals, Bored Panda reached out to Professor of Healthcare Studies at Salem State University and author of “Women Without Children”, Yvonne M. Vissing, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions. You will find her thoughts in the text below.

There can be numerous reasons people don’t have kids, from choosing not to to being unable to have children. Whether they’re child-free or involuntarily childless respectively, it can be a sensitive subject, especially with stigma around it being quite prevalent.

Research suggests that in poor-resource areas, for instance, stigma is one of the most prominent negative consequences when it comes to being childless in a community. Data suggests that not having children can also have a negative effect on the in-law relationship and marriage.

The study emphasized that, based on the research regarding the Western world, involuntary childlessness can have strong psychological and psychosomatic effects, and women seem to be especially affected. Some of the most common negative consequences include distress, raised levels of depression and anxiety, feelings of blame and guilt, and somatic complaints, among others.

These negative outcomes are just part of the reason people shouldn’t be making comments about or downplaying the structure of others’ families. For example, to say that someone’s free time is less valuable because they don’t have children, as team members implied to the OP. Nowadays, nearly one in six adults over 55 are childless, according to a 2021 report, who would likely frown upon such views.

“The message that the child-free person has no life, or that their life is not as important as those with kids, is a harsh and inaccurate one to send. It is logical that people could feel resentment as a result,” Professor of Healthcare Studies at Salem State University and author of “Women Without Children”, Yvonne M. Vissing, told Bored Panda.

She added that sometimes individuals tend to forget that, despite spending a lot of time together, colleagues are not family, which is why they might not care about their coworkers’ kin to the same extent as they do.

“The people with children might not be trying to impose upon child-free people or send the message that they aren't important. But this ends up being the message a lot of times because, in moments of desperation, we have come to rely upon our co-employee relationships as if they are family. We often forget that the people we see every day at work really aren't our family, and that we shouldn't necessarily expect them to care.”

Another factor that can play a significant role in similar situations is widely accepted norms. “There has been a cultural norm that people are ‘supposed’ to get married and have children; this is true around the world,” Prof. Vissing suggested. “There is another norm that families are ‘supposed’ to be our top priority.” With similar cultural norms being so prevalent, some people with children might find it difficult to see eye to eye with those who do not consider creating a family a priority.

While some people don’t want to or can’t have children, others can’t wait to welcome their little one into the world. But that often entails jumping through quite a few hoops before the baby arrives, whether it’s health, home, or work, among other things, that they relate to. The latter is what the OP’s coworker had to figure out, as she wasn’t able to work anymore, but needed the income before she could start her paid maternity leave.

Policies regarding maternity leave vary with each country (it can even differ from state to state or depending on the industry). The redditor’s colleague was seemingly to get six months of paid leave, which only half of the world’s high- and middle-income countries, which are part of the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) or the European Union (EU), provide, The Guardian reports.

It pointed out that, according to UNICEF’s data, Estonia is the leading country, where new mothers reportedly get full wages for the first 18 months of their little one’s life; last on the list is the US with zero weeks, as there is no national statutory paid maternity leave.

The OP’s colleague was ordered bed rest way before her paid maternity leave was due to start, which resulted in the dilemma of who could cover her workload. Even though the redditor sympathized with the soon-to-be-mother, she wasn’t willing to do unpaid overtime for months, especially considering that the rest of the team members weren’t either. Fellow redditors seemingly took different sides on the matter.