For me personally, any comments from people about such things as miscarriage, other than expressions of empathy, have always been one massive red flag. Under any circumstances - because, let's just admit it, it is impossible to think of circumstances in which mocking this topic would be appropriate.
And that's why I was so shocked when I read this story from the user u/FutureeMacaronn on the AITA Reddit community. The situation is all the more ugly and devastating because the offender here is none other than the original poster’s own sister... Okay, let’s read everything together again.
The author of the post has an elder sister who had always been a 'golden child' for their parents
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
The sister has 3 kids, while the author and her spouse only had numerous negative pregnancy tests
Image credits: u/FutureeMacaronn
Finally the author got pregnant - but she, alas, miscarried just four months later
Image credits: Rene Asmussen (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/FutureeMacaronn
Soon after, the author's sister had a lavish birthday party, during which she announced her fourth pregnancy
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/FutureeMacaronn
Seeing the author, the sister mused out loud that they even considered an abortion. The author got upset and left the party
So, the Original Poster (OP) has a sister three years older than herself, who has always been a 'golden child' for her parents. Literally in everything - from the attitude of parents and relatives to their state of health (for example, the author had PCOS). And when the sisters entered adulthood, little really changed.
The author is Indian and, in accordance with the long traditions of this culture, the marriage of the OP's elder sister was arranged. Over time, the woman gave birth to three wonderful children, and the author, in her own words, has always been the most loving aunt to the tots.
The original poster preferred to choose her own partner - however, the spouses had no luck with parenthood. After numerous negative pregnancy tests, the author finally got pregnant recently, but she had a miscarriage in the fourth month. Need I say how sad and devastating this situation was for both the OP and her husband?
And now, two more months later, the OP’s sister had a birthday, and her parents threw a massive and pompous party. During the party, the birthday girl also announced that she and her husband were expecting their fourth baby! The author experienced mixed feelings, but, of course, sincerely congratulated her sister.
And then, when the happy expectant mom was discussing upcoming parenthood with her friends, she, seeing her younger sister nearby, pointedly stated that she and her husband "weren't even trying to have a baby", and "were almost contemplating having an abortion."
Of course, the OP has nothing against women having abortions, but at this particular moment these words from the sister’s lips sounded like an outright mockery of her recent tragedy, and simultaneous bragging of her own fertility. Seeing that the wife was upset, the OP's husband realized what had happened - and the couple immediately left the family gathering.
And after some time, the original poster received a lot of texts from her sister and cousins, calling her jealous and even a jerk for leaving the party in the middle of it. Her husband and friends fully supported the author in her decision, but she herself strongly doubted that she was right and decided to ask for advice and support online.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
The overwhelming number of people in the comments to the original post were simply shocked by this behavior from the author’s sister and, of course, fully supported her decision to leave the party. "Your family disregarded your pain and your sister did what she did specifically to get a rise out of you," one commenter wrote. "You left and she was able to use that against you. Which leads me back to the first point - boundaries!"
Yes, in fact, many commenters sincerely urge the original poster, if not to cut all ties with toxic relatives, then at least to establish some personal boundaries that these people cannot cross. "Have you decided to cut her out of your life and anyone else who's making negative comments towards you?" another person in the comments wondered.
By the way, yes - the author of the post later wrote in the comments that she had made a difficult but firm decision to cut ties with her sister and cousins, who called her 'jealous.' "It's a bit hard for me to cut off my parent, especially due to how I was brought up. My husband has been a rock through all of this. My in-laws support me like their own. Thank you so much for your support!" the OP summarized.
Unfortunately, situations where relatives show a minimum of sympathy towards persons having (recently or not) had a miscarriage are not such a rare case. For example, you can also read this post of ours, about a woman who even dared to sleep with her sister's husband while said sister was losing a baby. Yes, compared to this, the OP’s sister's behavior here does not look as horrid - but only compared to this. And what do you, our dear readers, think about all this?
The relatives criticized the author heavily but people in the comments unanimously sided with her, urging her to cut ties with her toxic family
