Reddit user MyCatCantHearYou faced a relationship test she didn't sign up for. Her 44-year-old boyfriend got drunk and flipped his ATV. However, the woman didn’t panic when she saw his wounds and immediately drove him to the ER. She waited for him to be discharged, took him home, and made sure he was on the path to recovery.
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But when she went on a planned beach trip with her best friend, he turned the situation against her, claiming she abandoned him. Now, over a year later, every argument drags up that night, with him insisting she should get her priorities straight.
She drove her drunk boyfriend to the ER after he flipped his ATV
Image credits: mstandret (not the actual photo)
But he still got angry when she went on a planned beach trip with her best friend
Image credits: davidpereiras (not the actual photo)
Image credits: mycatcanthearyou
Guilt-tripping others is a weak attempt to make someone else carry the burden of your own poor choices
"When two people are together, they inevitably reach a point when one of them would like things from his or her partner that the other partner is unwilling to give," writes Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., a Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst and author of The Search for Fulfillment.
However, guilt-tripping your partner into changing is a dangerous strategy. They may start to associate you with unpleasant emotions, and that's the last thing you want.
It's difficult to know why exactly the Redditor's boyfriend chose this route.
"Guilt might be a manipulation tactic you learned from someone else in your past relationships. There are plenty of stereotypes about ethnic guilt ('Jewish guilt' or 'Irish guilt' or 'Indian guilt'), and if you're part of one of these heritages, you could always try to blame your parents or grandparents," Whitbourne explains.
"But you may have more likely become guilt-prone through other routes ... Long-held feelings of insecurity about your relationships may be the cause of your guilt-laden tactics."
"Attachment insecurity is the belief that the central figures in your relationships won't be there for you. Whether due to neglect or an inconsistent upbringing, if you're high in attachment insecurity, you learned as a child that you must hold on to those you need or they'll abandon you," the psychologist adds.
Healthy relationships aren't about ultimatums and martyrs. Rather, they're the back-and-forth dance between two people as they move between connection and autonomy.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
People who read the woman's story said she did nothing wrong
