We’ve all encountered inconsiderate people at some point. And as a sensible human being, taking the high road would be the advisable course of action.
However, there will come a point when tolerating their abhorrent behavior is no longer an option. By then, you must set boundaries to send the message that what they’re doing is no longer acceptable.
This was a quandary a woman found herself dealing with while living with some insensitive housemates. She finally took action one day, which made her realize something about herself.
Taking the high road is the sensible response to an inconsiderate person
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This is what a woman initially did when she dealt with some insensitive housemates
Image credits: Sinitta Leunen / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
However, their behavior had become more and more intolerable for her
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She finally took action one day, but wondered whether she went too far in doing so
Image credits: Sensitive-Pack4666
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Deciding to “ghost” someone you live with is a use of power or force
Based on the author’s account, she had been enduring her housemates’ insensitivity for a while before she began ghosting them. Apart from letting them know that their behavior was becoming unbearable, it may also have been her way of exerting power.
“Choosing to engage or not is forceful,” Conflict First Aid founder Joan Feringa told Bored Panda. “Silence and shutting down can be bullying, even when it is a form of self-preservation, for both internal or external and sudden or chronic needs.”
However, ghosting may also be a sign of a lack of skills or confidence to handle conflict. It did take a while for the author to take action, after all, which may indicate her lack of desire for confrontation.
“Whether this comes from lack of practice, or a trauma response (think ‘flight’ in fight or flight), the person is choosing withdrawal, rather than conflict resolution, as a coping strategy,” licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist Margaux Flood said, noting that ghosting can feel safer, especially if they fear escalation or don’t trust their ability to calmly hold boundaries.
So, how do you go about resolving conflicts with people you live with? Feringa says timing is key.
“The secret is to see timing and time (say, ‘a day' or ‘3 months’...or ‘right now’) as part of the answer - or part of the problem. Discerning that, as part of what and how the problem came to be and is solved, can change everything, whether it is a one-time problem or a pattern of toxic behavior.”
Meanwhile, Flood says repair begins with accountability, without trying to justify your actions.
“Roommates do not have to be best friends, but it is important that everyone feels safe and valued by the people they share a home with,” she said, while also stressing that dealing with roommate conflict shouldn’t be done via text, as it creates room for interpretation. She only recommends doing so for safety reasons or when documentation is needed.
Unfortunately for the author, the issue was never actually resolved. It may be best for her to find another place to live.
Commenters were unanimous in their reactions as the woman addressed some questions
She shared an update three weeks later
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She confronted the people she had a problem with, but reached no definite resolution
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She also revealed her plans to find another place to live
Image credits: Sensitive-Pack4666
Commenters showed support for her next move
