No matter how much we wish it didn’t matter, money has a way of putting a very real strain on relationships. And in some cases, it can make or break them entirely.
That was the case for one woman, whose boyfriend lived a wealthy, comfortable lifestyle while she got by on minimum wage. Despite the glaring financial gap between them, he simply could not accept that she was unable to keep up with his spending. She showed him her paychecks, her receipts, even her rent costs, and he still did not believe her.
Frustrated, she turned to Reddit to share her story and ask for advice. Read it below.
The woman worked minimum wage and could not keep up with her rich boyfriend’s spending
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But instead of believing her, he insisted she just did not care about him enough
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Fights about money are some of the hardest to solve
Whether we like it or not, the world runs on money. We need it to feed ourselves, to clothe ourselves, to keep a roof over our heads, and that’s before we even get to the part about actually enjoying life.
So as much as being materialistic gets a bad reputation, money is also a very real part of romantic relationships. When you’re a couple, shared expenses are unavoidable. There are decisions to make about rent, groceries, savings, and future plans, and how you handle all of that has a huge impact on how the relationship goes.
Because of everything that goes into it, getting on the same page with your partner about money can be a whole ordeal. According to one study, financial conflicts among married couples were more problematic and more likely to go unresolved than disagreements about almost anything else, even when both partners actively tried to work through them.
The woman in this story tried to reason with her boyfriend time and time again. She explained that she earns minimum wage and simply cannot afford what he expects of her. She brought receipts as proof. And still, he wasn’t having it.
Whatever she said, however much evidence she showed, they just couldn’t reach any kind of mutual understanding. At a certain point, there’s only so much more she can do, and his behavior throughout all of this is a serious red flag.
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When a partner refuses to listen, that says a lot
Rather than sitting down and having a real conversation, the boyfriend chose to ignore the facts entirely. He had no interest in discussing anything that didn’t match what he wanted to believe, which was that she should be spending money on travel and meals regardless of whether she could actually afford it.
That kind of behavior is often described as stonewalling, where a person simply refuses to engage in any meaningful discussion, effectively putting up a wall to shut down the conversation entirely.
Financial therapist and CEO of Your Financial Therapist, Erika Wasserman, explained to CNBC that if one person has checked out, it affects every part of the relationship.
“If you’re both not willing to work on [financial intimacy] and be open, then it’s time to evaluate the relationship,” she said. A partner who refuses to talk about money early on will likely keep doing the same thing, no matter how close you become.
“You want someone that’s willing to work on it, that is looking to build that conversation, to be vulnerable with you,” Wasserman said. When you have a partner who is genuinely open about finances, “then there’s hope for the relationship.”
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Pressuring a partner to spend money they don’t have is a form of control
Beyond the stonewalling, what the boyfriend was doing also has a deeply controlling edge to it. He essentially demanded she spend money on him, with no consideration for her financial reality, and when she couldn’t meet that standard, he blamed her and guilt-tripped her by claiming she doesn’t care about him enough.
Psychologist and founder of the Barrington Centre counselling service, Rhonda Andrews, told Refinery29 that when someone feels the need to assert a level of financial authority over a partner, it usually comes down to a desire for control, and money just happens to be the tool they use to exercise it. Societal pressures, family expectations, and cultural influences can all feed into that need.
“The people who are really driven by that sense of control are often motivated by their own low self-esteem, or wanting to prove themselves to others, particularly their parents or peers,” Andrews said.
Whatever his reasons, the boyfriend showed very little interest in the woman’s wellbeing or the very real financial stress she was under. He disregarded everything she presented to him and kept the focus entirely on himself.
As many readers pointed out, this might be a relationship worth reconsidering. What do you think?
Many readers felt the way the boyfriend treated her was not okay and encouraged her to leave him
Others chimed in with similar experiences
