Whether it’s a grand ball or a more intimate celebration, a wedding is a significant moment in a couple’s relationship; that’s why they often want to share it with those closest to them.
Some soon-to-be-wed can’t imagine it without their siblings, best friends, or family members, no matter how close or distant they are; but this redditor chose not to invite her immediate family and gave them a taste of their own meds when she said why. Find the full story below.
Some people would rather not see their family members at their wedding
Image credits: Ksenia Chernaya (not the actual photo)
This woman decided not to invite her immediate family to her wedding because of how they treated her growing up
Image credits: Ivan Samkov (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Alena Darmel (not the actual photo)
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Image credits: Agung Pandit Wiguna (not the actual photo)
At the end of the day, it’s up to the happy couple who gets to participate in their special day
Coming up with a wedding guest list can be a headache for oh, so many reasons; from limitations of the venue or the budget, to family politics or wondering how inviting or not inviting children might affect the big day—all of these and many more things have to be carefully considered. But it’s something the happy couple has to deal with—unless, of course, they decide to elope, which more than 60% of engaged couples consider—if they want to celebrate their special day with all the right people.
Considering that they’re the reason for the celebration, the wedding should be all about the happy couple, which is why the final decision about who gets to participate should also be theirs. As the professional wedding planner Jove Meyer told BRIDES Magazine, “Weddings are not a show, they are not a performance, <...> They are a celebration of your love, and only those you love and are close to should be included.”
Meyer also added that the soon-to-be-wed should never invite someone to their ceremony out of obligation. That’s important to remember when it comes to parents or siblings, who are typically invited to the wedding. However, blood ties don’t always ensure a close relationship, and it’s pretty safe to assume one wouldn’t invite someone they don’t have a relationship with, if they followed the not-doing-things-out-of-obligation rule.
Even though it’s difficult to determine what constitutes “typical” when it comes to weddings, it’s possible to at least get an average of things; and according to The Knot’s 2022 survey, that year, 117 guests was the average wedding size. Their data also revealed that inviting over a hundred people to share the joy with is not uncommon, as more than half of the happy couples (52%) do. Out of the rest, 35% try to keep their guest list between 50 and 100 names long, and 14% invite up to 50 people.
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Some people decide to cut ties with their family members altogether, when relationships go south
No matter the size of the guest list, if the soon-to-be-married don’t feel like inviting their family members, they shouldn’t; especially when the relationship is far from perfect. When things go south, some people even decide to cut ties with their kin, which, in some cases, might be the right thing to do.
Verywell Health pointed out that according to 2015 studies, four-in-five individuals who have cut ties with certain family members have seen a change for the better, including feeling stronger, more free and independent. Another study reportedly revealed that roughly 40% of people have experienced family estrangement at some point in their lives.
Therapist and training provider Claire Jack, Ph.D., suggested that family estrangement is often followed by sadness or feelings of guilt. “The sadness, grief, and guilt are, however, often accompanied by a sense of relief and a wonder at how life can be when you’re no longer caught up in the spider’s web of a toxic family,” she pointed out for Psychology Today.
Dr. Jack explained that one of the reasons behind such guilt is the fact that cutting off family is often seen as taboo. “People who do so are often labeled as ‘bad’ or selfish and to many outsiders, the emotional abuse is so hidden within the family that friends and other relations just can’t see why you would need to distance yourself in this way.”
In the OP’s case, it’s unclear whether outsiders knew about the way she felt about her family members, or about the preferential treatment the parents gave to her brothers. However, other relatives were seemingly supportive of the OP and her wanting the wedding to be about her rather than her family members; people in the comments shared the same sentiment and wished the redditor a happy married life.
Fellow redditors were supportive of the OP, they shared their thoughts in the comments
