Connecting with your significant other’s children can be a huge parenting challenge, especially if they’re already teenagers. It takes lots of time and effort to create a genuine relationship built on trust.
The internet called out a woman who asked for help dealing with her “slacker” teen step-daughter with major anger issues. After moving in with her fiancé, the woman was upset that his daughter wouldn’t even acknowledge her. Scroll down to read the full story, including an important update from the author with a surprising twist.
It can be very challenging to build trust with your significant other's children
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This woman turned to the internet for advice after she started having major problems with her partner's "slacker" daughter
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Overly controlling behavior can be subtle, not just overt
It’s vital to care for your loved ones, but there are limits. If you’re not careful, your desire to protect them can morph into overly controlling behavior, which is very unhealthy.
On top of that, most people don’t enjoy being controlled. As WebMD stresses, when you’re on the receiving end of controlling behavior, you might feel embarrassed, angry, or inferior. And if things go way overboard, you might even end up facing threats, intimidation, or worse.
Overly controlling individuals insist that everyone do things their way, even when it comes to small, personal choices. They tend to have a difficult time when people disagree with them, enforce healthy boundaries, or tell them ‘no.’
What’s more, controlling people often refuse to accept blame for their actions, even when they mess up, and they want to be in the center of attention so much that they’re willing to upstage you. They’re also highly unpredictable, aren’t above lying to get what they want, and try to dictate where you can go.
“Controlling people want to control your reality. Truth is the bedrock of reality. They will try to deny your reality by lying about their behavior or yours. They may insist you’re the crazy one when you try to contradict them,” WebMD explains.
“One of the most intrusive ways someone may try to control you is by controlling your movements. They may want to know where you are all the time. Whether it’s by threats, intimidation, or pouting, they try to isolate you from other, supportive people in your life.”
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If you're dealing with someone who has mildly controlling tendencies, it's best to have an honest heart-to-heart with them
Controlling behavior can eventually morph into coercive behavior, where someone tries to dominate your life and limit your freedom and independence through violence.
They might try to deprive you of basic needs, put financial, social, and emotional barriers in place to stop you from leaving, make you fear for your safety, and make you feel guilty for spending time with family or friends.
Other coercive behavior red flags include things like the person stalking you to know where you go, who you see, and who you talk to. They might also embarrass you or gaslight you to get you to question your own beliefs. In these situations, it’s important to reach out for help ASAP: contact the authorities or trusted community members, relatives, or friends.
However, if the person’s behavior is (only) mildly controlling, it’s more annoying than an actual threat. In this case, you might simply want to address the person’s behavior in a friendly, honest conversation with them.
“You can tell them how their behavior makes you feel, using ‘I’ statements to avoid sounding like you're blaming them. A sentence that begins with, ‘I feel,’ will likely be better received than one that starts with, ‘You always.’ You will probably also need to set clear boundaries to see a change.”
What do you think, Pandas? Where do you think the line lies between genuine concern and over-the-top control issues? Have you ever struggled connecting with a partner’s kids from a previous relationship? How do you enforce healthy boundaries at home? If you feel like sharing your experiences, feel free to do so in the comments down below.
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The internet had mixed reactions. Some people called out the woman's controlling tendencies
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Later, the woman shared a surprising update about how her relationship with her partner's daughter developed
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Here's how people online reacted to how the story ended
