It’s usually up to the parents to decide when their child is mature enough to be left home alone. However, there are always those people who question the parenting decisions of others, offer them unsolicited advice, or judge them without knowing the full picture.
Like this woman, who, after overhearing one parent while camping, jumped to conclusions and threatened to call CPS because she left her son home alone. What she didn’t know was that the child was an adult, leaving her feeling dumbfounded when she learned the whole truth.
Scroll down to find the full story and conversation with Sari Beth Goodman, M.A., founder, certified parent educator, and coach at The Parental Edge, and Dennis Poncher, founder, author, and director at Because I Love You Parent Support Groups, who kindly agreed to chat with us more about leaving kids home alone.
Many people offer their opinions on parenting without being asked
Image credits: Diana Light / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
This stranger even threatened to call CPS on mother while camping when she overheard that she has left her son home alone
Image credits: Roberta Sant'Anna / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: No_Raccoon_2387
Image credits: bruce mars / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
"Child 12 years or older is ready to stay home alone"
Some states (14 to be exact) in the US have laws in place dictating how old children must be to stay at home all by themselves. For example, in Illinois, kids have to be 14, while in Kansas, they have to be at least 6 years old. The remaining states don't have strict legislation, only recommendations, leaving this decision up to the parents.
"When there is no law, the general consensus is that a child 12 years or older is ready to stay home alone and can supervise younger children," says Sari Beth Goodman, M.A., founder, certified parent educator, and coach at The Parental Edge.
"As far as what age a child should be able to stay home alone, it really depends on the child and the length of time that the parent will be gone. In most cases, parents are willing to let their 12-year-old stay home alone, providing the child is not one that shows signs of depression or anger," seconds Dennis Poncher, founder, author, and director at Because I Love You Parent Support Groups.
However, age isn't always a good indicator of whether a child could be left home alone. Some mature more quickly, while others take longer to do so. Therefore, Goodman advises evaluating their trustworthiness, independence, and street smarts to gauge whether they can be left solo:
- Trustworthiness - Does the child generally tell the truth, follow family rules, have trustworthy friends, and set an example of trustworthy behavior for younger children?
- Independence - Can the child fix simple meals, keep busy doing things other than be on a device, know how to use a fire extinguisher, and know where to go during an earthquake?
- Street smarts - Does not open the door to strangers or acquaintances who unexpectedly come to the door, does not give out private information, and does not post about being home without adult supervision.
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Before leaving a child home alone, parents should have some ground rules they have to adhere to
Before leaving any child (even the older ones) home alone, Poncher suggests having some ground rules that they have to adhere to. "One of those rules should state that no friends are allowed in the home unless one or both parents are home. Remind your child that there will be consequences if the rules are broken," he says.
Meanwhile, Goodman recommends thinking about the following factors before leaving kids alone at home:
- Base the age a child is left alone on the length of time adults will be away and the distance and time it will take for the adults to return. The longer the time away and the farther the distance, the older the child should be.
- Staying at home alone is a skill and should be taught. Start with short separation and distance times, go over safety rules, and teach skills like using a fire extinguisher and how to stay safe during a fire, earthquake, or flood.
- Are there adult neighbors or relatives nearby that can be called upon to help out?
- Is the child healthy? Does the child have any physical, emotional, or cognitive challenges?
When parents finally decide to leave their child alone, it's important that they provide them with a phone number they can reach in case of an emergency and check in with them regularly. "When parents first start leaving a child alone or supervising other children, make a plan as to how the check-in will go. Depending on the duration of being alone, they may decide to call or text every ½ hour or hour," says Goodman.
"The frequency is set up ahead of time so the child does not feel that he/she is not being trusted. It’s just part of the plan. As time goes on, the planned check-ins can have longer intervals. There should always be a plan for a check-in. It is part of being responsible," she concludes.
Commenters found it hilarious that the stranger jumped to conclusions so quickly
Some even shared similar stories
