"They Had No Plans To Stop": 30 People Share The Wildest Secrets They Were Ever Told

According to Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow at The Kinsey Institute, the host of the Sex and Psychology Podcast, and the author of 'Tell Me What You Want', our secrets can be "about something positive and exciting, such as a surprise party you're throwing, a new job offer you received, or an engagement proposal you’re about to make."

"Positive secrets like this are the kinds of things we often feel the urge to confess," Lehmiller told Bored Panda. "We want to share the good news and find a way to channel our excitement."

But "at the same time, most of us carry negative secrets—that is, we hold information that could potentially make us look bad to others if it got out. This is the kind of information we're often afraid to share because it makes us vulnerable; however, we sometimes still want to share it anyway. For example, someone who is having an affair might confess this to a close friend, perhaps because they want to talk through the complex and mixed feelings they have, or perhaps they just want to share their excitement about doing something taboo."

When people confess their negative secrets, it's usually a means of facilitating intimacy with another person. "Disclosing information you wouldn’t normally tell other people can be a powerful way to build closeness," Lehmiller highlighted.

Lehmiller said that we're drawn to hearing other people's secrets for a variety of reasons.

"One is that it can make us feel normal. Almost all of us are carrying around at least some information we don't want to share because we're afraid of being judged, such as having a 'deviant' sexual fantasy. When we hear that other people are having the same thoughts, this can help to reduce feelings of shame, embarrassment, and anxiety because we realize we aren't alone," the psychologist explained.

But we also understand the burden that comes with it. "When someone volunteers a secret, we may also be reluctant to hear it because we then bear some responsibility for keeping the other person's information secret," Lehmiller said.

"For example, let's say your best friend tells you they cheated on their spouse—but you're friends with their spouse. Now you're in a pickle. You might feel the need to keep your friend's secret, but you might also feel the need to disclose it because someone else really needs to know it. And no matter what you do in this situation, someone will get hurt."

Every now and then we hear someone say they lead completely honest lives and do not keep any secrets. According to Lehmller, there is a chance they might be telling the truth, but we will never know for sure.

"Sometimes we lie to keep our secrets hidden. And, sometimes, the information we keep secret is the information we've lied about. As a social psychologist, I suspect it's the rare person who never keeps a secret. The ability to keep a secret has a certain power—as does the ability to selectively reveal a secret when it suits your purposes. Humans are reluctant to voluntarily give up power, and the ability to keep a secret (or choose when to reveal it) is one power that everyone has."