“I Left And Proceeded To Bleach My Eyes”: 32 Food Delivery Drivers Share The Oddest Things They’ve Seen

That one time I followed a weird middle-aged guy into his basement for a life-affirming surprise...

Delivering pizzas, my attitude is that nothing can really go wrong so long as I drive carefully, avoid muggings, and never enter a customer's home. When I was younger and hadn't yet adopted that last rule, I delivered a proper stack of pizzas to a really nice house in a very wealthy neighborhood, where I was greeted by a classic mid-50s suburbanite guy. I had like 50lbs of pizzas, and he was just vibrating with excitement like a little kid asking me if I wanted to see something amazing in his basement, where the pizzas were going anyway.

Yeah it sounds like a lot of red flag, but from his vibe and the amount of pizza he'd ordered I figured he was having some kind of game night with his buddies and was eager to show off his layout, entertainment system, bar, etc... Wealthy guys love showing the sweet toys they worked for to broke younger folks, and when you're working for tips sometimes an "oooh" or an "aaah" at a car or in-home luxury you don't care about is worth an extra $10.

So I followed him into his huge house, preparing myself to express amazement at his whatever. We got down to the basement, and it was a puppy party. A true and actual puppy party, some sort of adoption event he'd set up for his kids b-day. Exactly as I'd expected, there was a classic rich guy basement with a full bar and pool table and wall wall-sized entertainment center and huge sectional couch, and recliners. What I didn't expect was a gaggle of 8th-grade girls playing with DOZENS of puppies being supervised by handlers. Every kind of puppy I could imagine.

I set the pizzas down on the bar and just sat on the floor and squealed and giggled while puppies tried to eat the smell of pizza off of me, succeeding only in devouring my heart through my face. After a few minutes, I stood up, all teary-eyed and flushed with happiness, and the guy just grinned his understanding at me, gave me an envelope of cash, and sent me on my way. The hit of oxytocin and serotonin from those puppies still warms me years later... Puppy party, man. My life is fuller knowing that it can even happen.

I was delivering chicken (KFC). My worst stop was pathetic, really. I knock on the door, I hear a kid yell "I GOT IT", he opens the door, and runs up the stairs yelling to his friends "The chicken a**hole's here! The chicken a**hole's here!!", after which a crowd of about 8 pre-teens at the top of the stairs start throwing change down the stairs at me to pay for the delivery.

I asked if they could hand me the money, they laughed and just threw the quarters/dimes/etc. harder. So I picked up the bag of food, winged it up the stairs at them, it hit the wall, and I split. Told the boss what happened, and if they call to complain, I won't listen or apologize; I'll just quit if he brings it up. I found out later he did get a call and told them to get stuffed. Good boss.

The delivery instructions were to "Beat on the door like you're the cops, and then rawr like a T-Rex to scare my kids." I did this, but a small, extremely confused lady answered the door. Apparently, the husband had written those instructions for a prior delivery and had not realized that delivery instructions copied over to the next delivery if not deleted.

Took a big pizza order to a college dorm. It was just under $200. When I went there, I knew the code to get in because I had been a dorm head in the same building a few years earlier, and there was one door with a code instead of swipe card. I knew exactly where the room was, so I knocked, and the guy opened it and said, "Hold on," and closed the door. I heard an alarming amount of movement in the tiny dorm.

And about 2 minutes later, they opened the door with no lights on. In the dorm were around 15 dudes all in cloaks and holding lightsabers. One addressed me as Master Jedi of the zaa technique. I was laughing so hard I almost dropped their drinks. They tipped like 100 bucks and said I could join their club anytime. It was amazing.

One night I have a delivery to a pretty rural area. A lot of my deliveries are to rural areas, so no big deal. But tonight it's drizzling and especially dark, so I'm having trouble finding the address of the house I'm looking for. So I roll down the passenger window and use my (really bright) flashlight, pointing it at mailboxes/trees/posts/ anything that somebody might have their address on at the end of their driveway.

So I'm driving along at like five miles an hour, pointing my flashlight when the beam catches a guy wearing a black hoodie at the end of an obviously long gravel road staring directly. At. Me. More of a glare at me, really. But whatever, it could just be on the phone or something. Then it gets weirder. I finally find the address I'm looking for and pull into the drive, and hop out of the car. That's when I get the sinking feeling. No cars, no house light, boarded up windows. If you've ever been a delivery person, you know that this is the time to gtfo of there because you're about to get robbed.

Right as I'm about to jump in, throw the car into reverse, and nope the f**k out of there, I see a man walking across the empty field adjacent to the property towards me. Now I'm a pretty burly, bearded dude, so I don't worry a whole lot about deliveries, but this scared the s**t out of me. When he gets closer, I see him very obviously tucking something into his waistband, which I can only assume was a gun.

He then says in a thick, menacing southern accent, "I thought you were the law" (I guess because of how I was scanning the addresses). I meekly point to my car topper and the pizza in my hand, and he says in the nicest voice you've ever heard, "Oh, great! Thank you so much! Have a great night!" Pays me, and proceeds to walk back through the open field, in the direction of no buildings, in the rain, with his pizza. For the rest of my shift, I couldn't stop whispering, "What. The. F**k." Strangest thing that's ever happened to me.

Had a large order of pizzas going to a conference room of a hotel. Nothing too out of the ordinary, until I open the door and approximately 500 pugs turn their head simultaneously at the man who just brought in yummy-smelling food to the Pug Owners Convention. I left and proceeded to have a good laugh. On the other end of the spectrum, there was a guy who ordered and was waiting on his porch steps when I got there couldn't help but notice his ball sack hanging out of his shorts. I left and proceeded to bleach my eyes.

I used to deliver for Domino's and was delivering during a night with freezing rain, so it was very slick. I get to this one house with a steep driveway way with no way I could drive up. I tried multiple ways to walk up the driveway and even on the grass, but would only make it a few feet. So I call the customer and explain the issue, and they come out with a rope and I tie the pizza bag to it. So they pull it up the driveway, take the pizza, and put the cash in the bag with a nice tip.

I was making a delivery in a decent neighborhood. I parked and looked to my right and saw two goat statues on the roof of someone’s car. I thought it was hella weird, but whatever. I deliver the food and go back to my car. As I started to drive off, the two goats stood up and walked around on the roof of the car. I busted out laughing because I just never expected it. I thought they were fake. You’d expect goats in the country, not a neighborhood with $200k houses.

I delivered a pizza to a sketchy house. The guy who answered looked like a typical Alan Moore style weirdo. He asked if I liked cats. I said yes, ready to be m******d. He pulled out a baby bengal cat that literally had 6-8 toes PER PAW. It's feet were so big with toes that it kind of looked like lynx feet. 10/10.

Also one time I got hit by a car right outside the house I was delivering to. My customer-first dumb a*s still knocked on their door, scraped and bleeding, crying my eyes out, apologizing that their pizza got crushed as I fell down the hill. The lady said, "The pizza is not my concern right now." And I was like ??? I learned a very valuable lesson. You can care too much about customer service. 2/10.

GPS led me to my city's hospital. After getting directions from a lot of employees, I finally found the room. I'll admit now, I really should've paid more attention to the signs, but I was in a rush and didn't bother.

Luckily, there was a nurse already in this lady's room. I was just going to walk in and drop food off when the nurse started shaking her hands and rushed to me. "No, no, no, you can't come in here. This is isolation. "Oh, I'm sorry, she ordered a delivery." She went back into the room and asked the lady if she had ordered delivery, and I heard the lady say yes.

I overheard the nurse tell her, "You should've told me." The nurse came back to me to grab food and told me if I had walked in the room, I would not be let back out or something along those lines. Threw me for a loop, haha, I will pay more attention now. I promise.

I’m a girl. I was a delivery driver and was working a morning shift. Around 10:30 am, I got a delivery to an apartment. Everything seems legit since it’s daytime and there are lots of people close by. I knocked on the door, and after 30 seconds or so, the door opened a few inches, and the guy was behind the door, so I only saw his face. Still didn’t think it was weird because people do that when they’re trying to restrain a dog.

He asked me to put the pizza on the stove behind him, and he moved back so I could see it was right behind him. I hesitated a second and decided not to do it, told him I can’t enter homes, but I don’t mind waiting until he’s ready to take the pizza. He asked again, said “it’s RIGHT there,” so I gave the same answer, really apologetic, but something wasn’t feeling right (I realize later it was how quiet it was, didn’t sound like there was an excited dog back there).

So he opened the door wide open and was completely naked. And this guy was at least 60 years old and like 6 feet tall. I tried to hand him the pizza and gave him the total, averting my eyes the whole time. He wouldn’t give me the money. He kept asking me to repeat the total and moved into my line of vision. I just took a step back and looked straight up. Eventually, he gave me $25 and I gtfo. Told everyone at the store, and for an $8 tip and a chance to deck the guy, all the boys that worked there hoped he would order again. The next day he did! When the driver got back, he said he had to wait at least 2 minutes, and when the guy answered, he was only wearing sweatpants, so he was sure he would do it again to a girl driver, so the guy got blacklisted.

I was a pizza delivery driver for a few months a while back. Had a couple open the door for me, him in just his boxers, her in just her bra and a bright pink thong. They were both really sweaty, and it was obvious that I had interrupted their fun time. The girl told me I was earlier than expected and smiled. That couple ordered a few more times after that, every time opening the door in underwear, hers getting more revealing every time. After the third time, they asked me if I wanted to join them after I'm done working. I declined because I was in a relationship at the time, but I still think about that sometimes.

Someone ordered pizzas for a funeral. There were A TON of people there, all somber and dressed in black, while I rolled up in my bright red, greasy T-shirt. Definitely one of the most awkward experiences I've had.

Funniest job I ever had, but man, the things I saw and went through. The craziest delivery had to be when a woman answered with her huge, beautiful Siamese cat. I love that breed, so I ask if I can pet him. She says yes, I bend down the cat purrs, rubs against me, all the usual signs of liking it. So I stand up to finish giving this lady her pizza, the cat lunges and bites me above my right eye, and wraps all 4 limbs around my head. Panic! Freeze! Wtf do I do?! Wtf is going on?! Why isn’t this lady helping me?

I grab this demon cat from hell by the front legs and just rip him off of me. As I do my contact lense pops off. All I can think is that it’s eye skin coming off of my eyeball. I throw that cat down and just freak out at the amount of blood that starts pouring out of my gash. The woman brings me into her house and puts a towel on. I tell her she has to take me to the emergency room or call 911, as I can’t see to drive myself. After all, it was her cat who attacked me. She drives me to a minor emergency place. I get stitches and a tetanus shot. She foots the bill. Never see her again. The boss wasn’t happy that I missed the rest of the night or had another order in my car.

This is one of my favorite random interactions from my time as a delivery driver for a Japanese restuarant. I was sent to this house with an order of a steak hibachi and a couple of sushi rolls that added up to something like $19.60.

I liked to call before I got to a place, just to give people a bit of a heads-up, so by the time I got to the door, it was already open. In the doorway stood a chubby kid, about 9 or 10 years old who reminded me a lot of the kid from Bad Santa, but without the curly hair.

I tell him the total as I pass off his food. He hands me a $20 bill and, with a straight face, he smugly says, "Keep the change, pal." Immediately after, he closed the door, and I stood there for a second trying to process what had just happened. When I got back to my car, I noticed the time and realized it was way too early for that kid to be home from school.

I couldn't help but laugh at the whole situation. I wasn't even mad at getting a 40-cent tip because this kid probably faked being sick so he could stay out of school and was probably in there watching TV or playing video games while eating sushi and feeling like a big shot. I know I would've at that age.

I once delivered pizza to what seemed like a gang house. I pulled up, and there were all these intimidating dudes with tattoos and bandanas all wearing the same colored clothes. I puckered up and felt my scrotum shrivel as I awkwardly shuffled past them with a bunch of pizzas to ring the doorbell. They were all staring me down, and it felt like the longest walk ever.

The person who ordered the pizza must have been the head honcho because he looked like the baddest of the bunch. The total was like $70, and he gave me a $100 bill and told me to keep the change. I bolted out of there and returned to the pizza place on autopilot because I was so scared.

When I was about 6 months pregnant with my first son, I delivered for Papa John's in an area that was mostly not so great. Now, that area has the highest violent crime rate on average or something or other for our state, so that should tell you how bad it was about 10 years ago, before it got downright awful.

Well, one neighborhood in particular was the worst of the worst, and usually another driver would take it since I was pregnant, but that Friday night, we were short and super busy, so I did it without hesitation. Gotta eat after all, right? So, I get there, get out of my truck with the pizza, and get a really, REALLY bad feeling. Quickly look around, and see a group of guys watching me. I put on my war face more or less, and as a second thought, stuck my big belly out a bit so it'd be way more obvious in the dark.

One of them approached me and was like, "Oh, you pregnant?" I just shrugged and said, "Yeah... that definitely ain't a basketball, dude." He chuckled at that, walked back to his friends, and I heard him say, "naw, yall, come on, she's pregnant." They all walked away, and the dude that I'd spoken to gave me a nod and smile, told me to take care. Found out later that one driver had been brutally beaten in that lot less than a couple of months before I'd been hired, and if I hadn't been pregnant, I might've suffered the same or worse. Glad that didn't happen.

I delivered pizzas to a rec center for a kid's birthday. There were about 12 pizzas, and they were in the warming bags. I tried to carry all the bags at once, which led to boxes being slanted and the pizzas sliding and squishing into the corners. When I pass the pizzas to the guy, he opens them up and is super upset. He’s like, “I’m not paying for this,” which is fair, but the policy was that if you don’t like the pizza, you can either not pay and I take the pizzas back to the store, or I take the pizzas back to the store and then come back with new ones and you pay full price for those ones.

But he was like, “nah, I only have this place booked for another twenty minutes. We’re eating these, but I ain’t paying.” So, I didn’t really care, but if he didn’t pay it came out of my wallet so I called my boss, who was a very aggressive loud mouth piece of work, and told her what was up, when the guy grabbed the phone from me, and he and my boss begin screaming at each other over the phone for about five minutes, until he screamed “THE ONLY WAY YOURE GETTING THIS MONEY IS IF I SEND IT TO YOU UP YOUR DRIVERS A**” and then he covered the mic, winked at me and whispered “I’m just kidding,” and then he hung up.

The bill was about $140, so he looked at me and said, “I’m giving you $70 dollars for the pizza, and I’m giving you $40 as a tip. Do not give that $40 to that b***h of a boss you have.” So I went back to the store, told her he would only pay $70, and she said, “oh well, at least we got something,” and I got a big tip even though I was the one who screwed up.

I used to be a Domino's driver. Showed up at a woman's house, and her toddler opened the door. Mum is sitting on the toilet, door open, facing me in all her glory, taking a s**t. She's yelling at her toddler to 'get mummy's wallet from mummy's purse' and this kid can't be older than like 2? Idk, I can't tell kids' ages. So the kid, after like a good, excruciating five minutes of yelling, manages to get mummy's wallet from mummy's purse.

I feel like I can't intervene and take the money out myself because the mum will think I'm stealing, so we're both trying to talk this kid through paying me. Mum is yelling at the poor girl to 'get the orange note!' and the kid pulls out her mum's opal card instead of the $20. The kid starts crying. Mum is getting really agitated. It got to a point where I snapped and was like 'look, lady, you're gonna have to do this' so I got to wait until she finished s****ing and then gave me the money without washing her damn hands. Pretty memorable experience.

It was outside of town on a dirt road with tall trees. Every “house” was basically just plywood shacks. There were broken-down cars and trash everywhere. The entire neighborhood just reeked of a B-rated horror film. I find the right house and walk up to the “door,” but it was just a blanket, so I had to yell “Pizza!”

They came to the door and grumbled. It was a haggard-looking man wearing boxers and a dirty white tank. Something felt wrong as he handed me a bill that looked washed. I held the $100, with old Ben Franklin’s face on it, up to the light and could clearly see Abe Lincoln in the paper. They had ordered around $50 worth of pizza and wanted change. He tried convincing me that he went to the bank and they gave him that bill. I asked him why the wrong face was on there, and he said that’s how they do it. I said hell no and drove away as fast as I could. We stopped taking orders that don’t have street addresses.