Learning that your partner cheated on you can hurt you immensely. But realizing that this happened right after they give birth can be beyond devastating. It’s not just awkward for the couple, though—the medical staff have to witness all of the drama that goes down, too.
Internet user u/NoTalentAzKlown sparked a massively viral discussion on r/AskReddit. A number of doctors and nurses shared what it was like in the delivery room after they helped deliver babies whose biological fathers were clearly not the moms’ partners. Read on for some of their experiences.
Bored Panda got in touch with the author of the popular thread, u/NoTalentAzKlown, and they were kind enough to answer our questions. You'll find our interview with the OP as you scroll down.
#1
I have a white friend who is a Superman of a dad. When his third child was born, she was obviously of mixed race. His white wife had an affair with a black man. The wife also had substance abuse issues before this pregnancy and was no longer dependable or stable as a mother. So my friend immediately divorced her and took custody of the kids. ALL of them. He's been raising his two bio kids and the third child who isn't technically his for the past decade. She's his princess and he loves her exactly like the other two.
Edited to answer a couple of questions: he is a straight man who has not remarried. He's done this all on his own, dated here and there, but nothing serious yet. He's too busy with three kids, full time career, and a small business to run.
Also, bio dad to the third child waived his rights immediately when he found out about her birth. He was mom's dealer and their fling was a one time thing that resulted in pregnancy. He had zero interest in fatherhood.
Edited again to add: some people say how they could never raise another man's child, especially one that was a product of adultery, but you have to consider that my friend went through the entire pregnancy preparing for this baby that he thought was his. So he bought the baby gear, painted a nursery, went to the Dr appointments, etc. He was heavily invested in this baby before she was ever born, he already loved her and felt she was his, so it wasn't a big leap for him to take her on as his own.
273points
We asked the author what couples could potentially do to move past one of them having been unfaithful. "I don't really know how you recover from a situation involving infidelity when a child is born," u/NoTalentAzKlown opened up to Bored Panda.
"It's a betrayal of trust and the child would be a constant reminder of that betrayal. But, every situation is different and I'm sure it's not navigated without a ton of communication and time to rebuild trust."
They added: "But, I would find it hard to believe it wouldn't linger in the relationship."
#2
Not an lnd nurse, but my wife is and I hear /everything/
A woman was delivering her white ex husband's baby with her new black boyfriend beside her and after the baby came out and had his foot stamped with the ink pad, the boyfriend pointed to the black foot and said "awww.. He's got my feet!"
I guess it's off topic but I lold when she told me.
97points
#3
I know a guy who is fully white, his parents are both white and his younger sister is black. I always assumed she was adopted and one day when I mentioned it, he looked at me weirdly and was like no dude that’s my full blood sister...
Obviously I didn’t believe it, and apparently neither did his dad at the birth. But they got the paternity test and she was his daughter - likelihood is they’ve got some black ancestors far enough back to be forgotten about.
I also know a dude who has a white Scottish mum, and a black Jamaican dad. Dude came out pale white with a ginger afro... genetics were not on his side.
96points
Bored Panda was interested in getting u/NoTalentAzKlown's take on what the doctors and nurses might do to ease the tensions in the delivery room if the parents start arguing.
"The medical staff already has plenty of responsibilities so I would not want to place the burden on them," they shared their perspective. However, there are some steps that hospitals could take that might potentially de-escalate these sorts of situations.
"If they don't already, they could potentially have a counselor on-call for these kinds of situations. Or, a divorce lawyer. I'm sure most of those situations don't end well."
#4
Not a doctor, but I've got a pretty relevant story about my parents.
My mum was pregnant before she met my dad, but only for a month before she met him. She had decided to give the child to a couple who were close family friends who couldn't have kids, and then told my dad. He handled it pretty well, since she wasn't asking him to be a father, just emotional support, and in his words, he already knew that he found the woman he wanted to be with for the rest of his life. However, back in those days in my country it was still looked down upon to have a child while you were single/out of wedlock, so my dad told everyone the baby was his, and that they were planning on getting married. Saved face for mum, and stopped rude people sharing their unwanted opinions about the situation.
Now, my parents are both white, but the biological father was a Pacific Islander. Mum did not see that as relevent to tell the midwife or anyone else except dad. It all went well until the birth. My mum gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, while dad waited outside the whole time. Straight after birth, mum was exhausted and went straight to sleep. However, the nurses see that the baby is clearly not white, like both my parents, and go to tell my dad that the baby had been born but he might be in for a little bit of a shock. Apparently they looked so sorry for dad, thinking this poor sucker had been cheated on and lied to. When they told him that 'his' little girl was probably not his, he burst out laughing and just said "i know". Poor nurses got such a shock, couldn't make sense of the situation, and just walked away while dad sat their giggling to himself. He's a strange guy my dad, but a great one. After telling me that story, he said he always knew his mum was his soul mate, and going through that helped him realise that mum was the one for him. When mum told me that story, she said exactly the same thing. 33 years later and they're still going strong.
95points
#5
We had a very sweet blond haired blue eyed mom and dad along with their entire extended family in the room for a delivery one busy afternoon at work (think aunts, Uncles, cousins, Grandma and Grandpa too). The baby is born and as the doctor places her on the mom’s chest the first words out of her mouth are “That’s not my baby! That’s not my baby!!”
The baby in question, still attached at the umbilical cord, has beautiful dark curly black hair, and dark skin. The nurse looks at her and tells her that this is definitely her baby because “she’s still attached to you” and she, not so quietly, tells the nurse “There’s no way, I never slept with a black man! It’s not mine!”
The “father” is standing there silent, not sure what to do. A long awkward silence fills the room.
We clean her and baby up as cheerfully as we can. We see the extended family filter out of the room and the “father” leave to get a cigarette. About ten minutes later a tall black guy walks up to our front desk asking how to get to the patient in question’s room.
81points
#6
I'm of Irish decent. Extremely pale, freckled, wavy dark hair and darker green eyes. My husband is half Native American, half German. Dark, **dark** hair and slightly wavy as well... My daughter came out with light light brown curly hair and ever so slight strawberry blonde pieces mixed throughout... *curls for days*
and the nurse goes "wow, where did you get that hair?!"
Knowing I had similar colour as a baby and my mother has kinky curly hair, my husband, in a room full of nurses goes "I DON'T KNOW JADED, WHERE DID SHE GET THAT HAIR?!"
I could have f*****g killed him.
Edit: Please no one tell my husband how much traction this story got, it'll just make him conceited and the jokes will get worse. I already have a rough time finding him hats.
and the nurse goes "wow, where did you get that hair?!"
Knowing I had similar colour as a baby and my mother has kinky curly hair, my husband, in a room full of nurses goes "I DON'T KNOW JADED, WHERE DID SHE GET THAT HAIR?!"
I could have f*****g killed him.
Edit: Please no one tell my husband how much traction this story got, it'll just make him conceited and the jokes will get worse. I already have a rough time finding him hats.
78points
According to u/NoTalentAzKlow, they were shocked that their thread went so viral on Reddit. "I posted it pretty late in the evening and had no expectations that anyone would respond," they said.
"I originally posted it while watching 'Me, Myself & Irene' because that situation happens to the character played by Jim Carrey."
In their opinion, the topic connected with such a large online audience because it's a "grab your popcorn" situation.
"People love drama when they're not directly involved," the author told us.
According to one study from 2014, infidelity rates amongst married couples in the United States range from 20% to 40%. In cases where people hid their infidelity from their partners, the likelihood of divorce was 80% compared to 43% of cases where the infidelity was revealed.
Meanwhile, the divorce rate for couples that did not cheat stood at 23%. Couples that stayed married, whether or not there was any infidelity, were found to have better relationship satisfaction over time.
#7
New born had chlamydia, got it from the mom, obviously. So the mom admits she was cheating on the dad, because there’s no other way to explain that one. Except- the dad was cheating too, with the other guy’s girlfriend, and all 4 of them had chlamydia, with no idea who had it first. They also had no idea who the actual dad was. That was a rodeo.
63points
#8
When my baby was born people asked me if her father was Polynesian. Nope. He’s a skinny white man.
There was no doubt he was the father.
She was born with thick black hair, she was a big baby (4kg) and had jaundice which made her look VERY tan.
The hair fell out, the jaundice went away, she thinned out & I now have a strawberry blonde haired 2 year old that looks exactly like her papa.
But man, if I hadn’t known he was the only man I’d slept with I would have some serious doubts.
61points
#9
Not a doctor, but someone in my extended family had a baby (two middle Eastern parents) that turned out to be dark-skinned. The father of the baby filed for divorce, even though the mother kept saying the baby was his. A few years later, they found out that the mother's great grandmother was African and that the baby obtained strong genes from her.
They didn't get back together, because too much had gone down at that point, but the mother was right all along.
Tldr; Two middle-easterns had dark-skinned baby, husband divorced but later it was found out that it was genetics.
61points
There’s no easy answer to why someone decides to cheat on their partner. It really depends on the individual: their relationship dynamics, their hangups, their insecurities, their values, and their expectations.
One person might be unfaithful because their physical or emotional needs aren’t met. Another might cheat because they lack confidence, want to feel attractive, or… they simply have the opportunity.
#10
My aunt, who is white, is married to a black man. When their son was born, he was white with blonde hair. Dad was screaming and throwing a fit in the hospital. Doctor came in and turns out, their son is albino.
53points
#11
Bit reversed, I’m mixed from a very dark black man and a Mexican woman on the lighter side barely passing. Well my dad and mom didn’t work out but I was made he ditched two weeks in and everything. She then got together with my step dad about two months later (looong time friends) and he knew she was pregnant.
Break the news of being pregnant to the family everyone is excited but no one knows it’s not the super white man’s child. So cut to my birth I come out clearly way to dark, not charcoal but something is missing on how. No one in that room knew but my mom, stepdad and grandparents.
I’m told it was a very awkward conversation. Skin color or not my stepdad has always claimed me as blood knowing full well I’m not and I couldn’t have lucked out harder.
Break the news of being pregnant to the family everyone is excited but no one knows it’s not the super white man’s child. So cut to my birth I come out clearly way to dark, not charcoal but something is missing on how. No one in that room knew but my mom, stepdad and grandparents.
I’m told it was a very awkward conversation. Skin color or not my stepdad has always claimed me as blood knowing full well I’m not and I couldn’t have lucked out harder.
52points
#12
A friend of mine (white guy) never knew who his father was got married and had a kid with a white girl. Kid came out black, he opted for a paternity test rather than walking away and it was indeed his son. So he took a genetics test (23andme or something like that) a couple years later and as it turns out he's half african.
52points
Verywell Mind explains that some of the main reasons married folks cheat include anger, low self-esteem, a lack of commitment to or from their partner, and a lack of love. Some other factors include neglect, a need for variety, and sexual desire.
The individual might have some serious emotional baggage that leads to their low self-esteem. Or they might lack empathy and simply not care about the consequences of their actions.
#13
Had two women give birth a few days apart on my floor. Turns out they actually had the same baby daddy. The father of the two newborns got both patients pregnant around the same time. It was an interesting day for the social worker!
51points
#14
Had a patient who came in to ER for UTI with her boyfriend of 4 months (his words). She was 19. Acting extremely dramatic for just having UTI. We tell her we need urine. She urges us to cath her which is really unusual but she says she can’t pee so me and other nurse assume the position to put in a catheter with her lying on the gurney. At this point nurse screams, “call L&D!! She’s crowning!!”
L&D nurse gets in just in time to grab the child as it shoots out into her hands and is a living breathing baby.
The girl swears she had no idea she was pregnant. They wheel her off to postpartum and the guy is just kind of left standing there, dumbstruck.
“We only been dating 4 months. I had no idea she was pregnant. She never mentioned it at all.” As he just buried his head in his knees while he was sitting on the floor against the hallway wall.
I felt so bad for the guy.
50points
#15
Not a cheating story, but my sister's friend was born fair skin with red hair and green-hazel eye colored. Both parents are dark-skinned with black hair and brown eyes. When her mom gave birth, everyone in the room went silent. However, the father knew that his wife didn't cheat. Turned out, his wife great-great grandmother had red hair and fairs-skin. However, hospital protocol made both parents get a DNA test, and everything was okay.
45points
While it’s possible to overcome infidelity, it’s not an easy task. For one, your partner might not want to forgive you. On top of that, you might need to reach out to a couples counselor for assistance. Whatever the case might be, the first step is to stop the affair, stop lying about it, and take responsibility for your actions.
The important thing is not to blame anyone else for the affair and not to try to justify your actions. You’ll need to give your partner some time and space to come to terms with the truth. And you’ll need to get ready for a lot of open and honest conversations about the future.
#16
Obligitory not a doctor/nurse. But both of my parents have blond hair. When I was born, my hair was strawberry blond. My paternal grandparents lost their s**t and accused my mom of cheating because red tinted hair didn't run in their family. However, it ran in my mom's family with a redhead popping up every now and then. My paternal grandparents didn't know that, they just really hated my mom so looked for excuses to drag her down.
It wasn't until I stopped looking like a potato (as most newborns do) and started looking like a person when my dad's family features came through enough to make them apologize to my mom.
43points
#17
My story isn't a cheating situation, but it looked like one. Both of my parents are Asians with black hair and black eyes, they also have darker skin compared to mine. I am the first of their kids and I have hazel eyes, brown hair and pale skin.
Nurses and doctors thought that my mom cheated and tried to convince my dad in that. Turns out both of my grandmothers are mixed and I got some genes from both of them.
Nurses and doctors thought that my mom cheated and tried to convince my dad in that. Turns out both of my grandmothers are mixed and I got some genes from both of them.
41points
#18
My biology teacher went to high school with a woman who slept with her white boyfriend and went and slept with a black guy later that same day. She ended up with twins, each guy fathered one girl. One was white skinned and one was dark skinned. I think she came clean about it right away so it wasn’t a huge shock later.
40points
#19
Midwife from Australia here, craziest delivery I attended was a G17P15 (pregnant 17 times, 15 live children as a result of those pregnancies) and 3 different "dads" turned up over the short course of her labour with baby #15. They proceeded to have a fist fight about who was the "real" father and I had to call security to escort them out. Then followed with a call to child services.
39points
#20
My brother had a surprise baby this way... he and a coworker had a one night stand while she was broken up with her ex. She gets back with her ex.. ends up pregnant flash forward to the delivery day... the day my brother sends me a picture of a random baby out of the blue and says "I think I am a dad".
She is white, her boyfriend is black my brother is white. Baby came out looking very very white.
I don't know how it went down in the hospital room... but I know they separated very soon after. My brother went to visit her in the hospital and asked her if she would let him take a paternity test. She agreed and it came back positive a week later.
And that's how I got my surprise nephew.
Edit to answer questions and clarify some things.
Everyone is fine. My brother took full responsibility from day one. They ended up dating🙄... having another child together and are now separated with full split custody (no courts involved).
I know how genetics work. I have a mixed sister and mixed children. My kids are Mexican/Puerto Rican and 11 kinds of European. They came out very brown and are now pasty white like me. One has brown eyes and one has green eyes. I DO understand everyone's experience may vary.
When I say "very very white" I mean it, he was practically translucent. The baby looked just like my brothers baby photos... and nothing at all like the boyfriend. We just kinda knew.. but still a test was the only way to know. Everyone in our family was surprised of course but we all embraced the situation with love and understanding.
36points