Transparency is considered a foundational pillar of a healthy marriage. Once you start keeping secrets from your spouse, that foundation begins to erode, which may lead to bigger issues in the future.
This husband and wife had the exact same problem when the woman refused to tell her spouse about her job. The two got into a heated argument as she shared her gripes online to seek answers.
Read through the entire text below to see how this story unfolds.
Transparency and honesty are key to a successful marriage
Image credits: africaimages (not the actual photo)
This was a problem a couple faced when the woman refused to tell her husband what she did for work
Image credits: borodai (not the actual photo)
Contempt through dismissiveness can easily poison a relationship
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
The husband’s dismissiveness towards his wife’s job may have seemed insignificant at the time it happened, but his actions clearly had an impact on his wife. Likewise, most experts agree that any show of contempt can slowly damage a marriage.
The Gottman Institute describes this toxic attitude as the worst of the “Four Horsemen” that destroy a relationship, alongside criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
“In whatever form, contempt is poisonous to a relationship because it conveys disgust and superiority, especially moral, ethical, or characterological,” an excerpt from the Gottman piece reads, noting that it leads to more dangerous and destructive forms of conflict rather than reconciliation.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Susan Heitler adds that showing contempt through underlying negative connotations signals that the person is either not listening or listening in a deprecating way.
“The more expression of contempt, the less likely that you are caring for and about each other,” Dr. Heitler wrote, noting that it also dumps toxicity into a relationship and signifies rejection.
Dr. Heitler then noted that avoiding contempt means listening to understand, learn, agree, and appreciate what the other person has to say. She also advises adding more positivity to the relationship.
“Positive people enhance their relationships via positive communications such as appreciation, gratitude, affection, agreement, interest, and smiles,” Dr. Heitler wrote.
It may help the couple to sit down and have a conversation about their lingering issues before the dam breaks, so to speak. They can also seek professional advice if necessary.
Most people sided with the woman, but many of them also had questions
The author shared an update to clarify some things
Image credits: drazenphoto (not the actual photo)
Ultimately, she revealed that they had worked things out
Image source: anonymous
However, one person feels the couple didn't reach a proper resolution
