Relationships,CouplesDEC 25, 2023

"[Am I The Jerk] For Wanting My Wife To Call Me 'Husband' Instead Of 'Partner'?"

With every new day, I personally become convinced that problems in people’s family lives can be caused by literally any reason. From discrepancies in culinary tastes to differences in views on raising children and, in general, plans for their birth. From political or sports beliefs to disagreements regarding what spouses will call each other in public.

Yes, this is also becoming a source of serious controversy - so here's today's story from the user u/Throwaway_partner1 in the AITAH community on Reddit. And, by the way, another interesting point to note - it seems that the comments on the original post helped the spouses resolve the dispute that arose. However, let's talk about everything in order.

More info: Reddit

The author of the post and his wife have been married for 5 years and they have a 2 Y.O. daughter

Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)

Image credits: u/Throwaway_partner11

What always bothered the man is that his wife would call him 'partner' instead of 'husband' in public

Image credits: Nicole Michalou (not the actual photo)

Image credits: u/Throwaway_partner11

The man got upset over this - especially since some people even thought they weren't married or had an open relationship

Image credits: Emma Bauso (not the actual photo)

Image credits: u/Throwaway_partner11

Meanwhile, the wife thought that calling him 'a partner' underlines that he's more than the usual 'husband' in her own eyes

So, the Original Poster (OP) says that he and his wife have been married for five years (both are in their early thirties), and have a 2 Y.O. daughter. And everything would be fine if not for one small problem: the man never liked that his wife preferred to call him her “partner” rather than “husband.”

No matter where: in communication with relatives, acquaintances and strangers, government officials and store staff, the woman invariably called the original poster “her partner,” which, according to the man himself, did not reflect the depth of their relationship. Moreover, some people, upon hearing that he was the woman's "partner", assumed that they were not married at all or were simply in an open relationship.

Our hero admits that he started this conversation with his wife several times, but was invariably met with a refusal to call him anything else. According to the wife’s sincere conviction, the word “husband” is simply a kind of formality, but “partner,” on the contrary, reflects that they go through life together, sharing all the joys and hardships. In other words, according to the wife’s picture of the world, the OP should generally be glad that he is called that way.

But he, on the contrary, refused to rejoice. The woman claimed that he simply felt 'insecure' and did not respect her choice of words, that he was probably making a mountain out of a molehill. Not that it came down to a real family drama, but every time after such a conversation, the original poster felt a bad taste in his soul...

Image credits: Gustavo Fring (not the actual photo)

“Perhaps this may seem like an insignificant detail to someone, but such little things sometimes become the reason for ruined families - when too much of everything accumulates,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment on this situation. “Be that as it may, it is obvious that both spouses have their own point of view, and this point of view reflects their personal worldviews. And it is worth remembering that family life is about compromises too.”

“In general, I would strongly advise this couple to discuss this issue as carefully and respectfully as possible with each other - try to understand everyone’s way of thinking, and try to come to some option that would suit both of them, reflect the wife’s beliefs, but not trigger the husband's feelings. I think this should work," Irina summarizes.

Among the comments on the original post, there were both humorous ideas like calling the wife “the ex-girlfriend” and calls to not pay attention to the current situation - because, according to some of the commenters, it’s not worth it. And one of the people in the comments recommended a compromise wording - “a husband and partner,” which would emphasize the status of the original poster, but would also convey the meaning that his wife attaches.

Moreover, the idea seems to have worked. The original poster said he and his wife discussed the problem - and he shared the advice he received. The woman agreed with this idea - but on the condition that he would call her "wife and partner" in public. As it turned out, our hero had no problems with this. Well, we can only hope that this conflict in the family was resolved finally and safely. And what do you, our dear readers, think about this case?