There’s nothing wrong with having different interests from your significant other. For one, having separate hobbies from your partner allows you to grow as a person and try new things. Therapists even claim that couples who share too much in common often become bored in the relationship.
But redditor MotherNegotiation42’s husband wasn’t exactly supportive of her separate activities. He would often make snarky comments about her staying at home and working on her prized puzzles. Recently, they had an intense fight about it, making her realize she hated the person she’s been married to for six years.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with the original author, Mother_Negotiation42, and relationship expert, founder, and CEO of Couples Experience, Tamika Carlton, who kindly agreed to tell us more about couples and hobbies.
Having separate hobbies from your partner can be healthy
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
However, this husband was mocking wife's interests, which led to a divorce
Image credits: pernilla11 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: sedrik2007 (not the actual photo)
After receiving many questions, the wife provided more information on the matter
Image source: Mother_Negotiation42
Her interest in puzzles started when she was young, in a small, rainy village where there wasn't much to do
Image source: natanavo (not the actual photo)
Bored Panda reached out to the original author of the story, Mother_Negotiation42, who kindly agreed to share more details about it. Firstly, we were curious to know what inspired her to take this online in the first place.
"I shared the story out of a place of deep frustration. At the time I wrote it, I still hadn’t had a proper conversation with my husband, and many people were telling me that I was wrong for looking into divorce so quickly. The comment that bothered me the most was made by one of his ex-girlfriends, with whom we both stayed friends. She told me I should be grateful for the “smooth sailing” relationship we’ve had and that I shouldn’t throw it all away over a silly puzzle fixation."
She explains that her interest in puzzles started when she was young. She was growing up in a small, rainy village where there wasn't much to do, especially being the only child. "I’d spend a lot of time doing board games with my grandma, who lived with us at the time, but I’d always had the most fun when spending time on these puzzles."
Having taken her story online, she felt seen and validated in the decision she was going to make. "I knew from the very beginning that I wasn’t going to make my decision based solely on the replies I got from this post, but I wanted to know if I was completely incorrect in the whole situation because it felt like everyone in my life at the time was telling me so."
Separate hobbies might bring frustration into a relationship
Image source: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)
We also contacted relationship expert, founder, and CEO of Couples Experience, Tamika Carlton, who kindly agreed to tell us more about couples and hobbies. She believes that having separate hobbies can be helpful. "When you are in a healthy partnership and relationship, somehow, you begin to gain interest in what one another loves. It really is a result of spending quality time with one another. I also suggest introducing each other to what you love. That will create a deeper bond between you and your partner.
But what if this fails and the other person starts to voice frustrations about your dissimilar activities? Carlton suggests, "It's important for your partner to have their own individual identity and not have to conform to what you love, so don't force it.
It's also essential to pick your battles and only address the foundational issues that are really bothering you. Most times, if your partner doesn't share your interests or hobbies, it is not a true concern. It is likely more about wanting to feel connected to them and to have something that the two of you can enjoy together. Rather than attempt to force your partner to love what you love, find a different hobby that can be of interest to you both. "
With some creativity, separate hobbies and relationships can be perfectly compatible
Image source: nd3000 (not thea actual photo)
One way to feel connected even though the partners don't share the same activities is to explore new things together. Carlton explains, "I always suggest couples expand their normal day-to-day activities and give something new a try. There are SO many things that you can do these days. From museums to bar crawls to sharing an evening or weekend in a nearby town you've never been to before to simply go to see a show at the theater or even the couples experience, a subscription gift box provides you with a number of date night ideas without you even having to leave the house.
The point is that it's best to be open to experiencing something new together. Step out of your comfort zone together and see how much your connection shifts for the better. I remember Logan and I went zip-lining together in Costa Rica. This was literally not what either one of us would have ever done before, but there was something intriguing that occurred when we tackled our fears together. The bond between us got even deeper."
Commenters were saying that the wife wasn't wrong for wanting a divorce and that the puzzle was the least of their problems
